During a severely cold winter long ago, a well-known American poet came up behind me and gnawed on my leg.

That was the only time I've ever encountered Frost bite.

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A pirate walked into a bar.

He had a wooden leg, an eye patch and a hook for a hand. The bartender was curious.
"How did you get that wooden leg?" he asked.

The pirate took a swig of ale. "'Twas a terrible sea battle. I stood bravely, directly facing 12 cannons.All they managed to hit was my leg."

The bartende...

Hey, do you think Jesus could have chewed or gnawed his way off the cross?

Boy, I don't know... that's a real nail-biter...

Do you want to chew on this piece of wood?

Gnaw.

At the mall today I saw a toddler gnawing on a small rubber duck.

I asked him if it tasted like quackers.

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Ever heard a joke with a moral?

A mosquito is flying above the surface of a lake. Beneath it, in the water, there is a salmon swimming. It sees the mosquito and thinks to itself: "If only it would fly a little lower, i could jump out of the water and catch it." On the shore, there is a bear standing quietly and thinks to itself: "...

What did the beaver say to the tree?

"It's been nice gnawing you!"

As told by my son. The student has become the dad joke master.

While eating porkchops out back.

Me: Hey, you want a bone to chew on?
Son: Gnaw bro.

Dear diary, day 5 of quarantine...

Enjoying the sweet salty taste of my ankle, but damn if these teeth aren’t gnawing.

I walked out my my cabin to find a beaver chewing on my favorite tree.

So I says to him "Will you stop doing that, Mr. Beaver?"



Him "Gnaw."

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Once upon a time, there was a teeny-tiny spider...

...and as the spider wanted to repent for its carnivorous days by becoming a vegetarian, it decided to live the rest of its days in a quiet, peaceful place to live off the land and to avoid the temptation of telling everyone about its transformation (he's trying to be better really hard, you know?)....

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A man walks into a strip club...

And sits down at the runway. He watches for a bit, and then the strippers start to make their rounds. One sits in his lap. "Would you like a dance?" She asks. Why not, the man thinks, "let's go!"

The stripper guides him to the lapdance area. While there, she asks if he wants to go to the...

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Smart Dachshund

An rich old lady decides to go on safari in Africa, along with her little pet dachshund, Frankie.
They set up camp and it isn't long before Frankie begins to explore his new surroundings.
Suddenly he finds himself far from the camp and feels eyes on him. Up in a tree is a large jaguar, ready...

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There was once a fat man who loved soups.

One day, he decided to make himself a large bowl of yummy letter soup. Using his favorite recipe, with lots of cheese and butter, he cooked up a generous bowl of hot letter soup. It smelled just delicious and he couldn’t wait to wolf it down. With his chubby hands, he grabbed the bowl and began to s...

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A lost poodle wanders through a forest

On the first day of an African safari trip, a woman gets distracted and her poodle wanders off into a forest. As the dog trots through the forest, it realizes it is lost and starts to panic.

While the poodle frantically runs around trying to find it's way back, a lion sees it and decides to ...

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The resuce expedition

The rescue expedition have been sent to find a plane which crashed somewhere deep within the jungle.

There was no success, but members of the expedition haven't lost faith until the end. When they finally found the place of the disaster, they saw a horrific picture. Burnt-out trees, parts of ...

A woman takes her dog anywhere and everywhere...

On one trip she goes to Africa with her dog for a week long safari. One morning the dog goes outside and sees a lion running straight for the camp. The dog looks around and finds a pile of bones. Once the lion is within earshot the dog yells, "That was one tasty lion!" And continues to gnaw one a bo...

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Roy Rogers and the mountain lion

Back in the 1950s, cowboy star Roy Rogers bought a brand new pair of expensive cowboy boots. Cowboy boots are notoriously stiff when they're new so Roy spent all morning oiling and working the leather to try to soften them up a bit. He then took them out onto the back porch to dry in the sunlight wh...

A man is trapped on a desert island...

.... with a sheep and a dog. After a few months, the sheep starts looking really attractive to the man. However, whenever he approaches the sheep the dog begins to growl in a threatening manner. The man takes the dog to the opposite side of the island giving it some food as a distraction. He runs ba...

Cannibal Joke

A guy is walking in the forest when all of the sudden two spears are thrown at him and kill him. Two cannibals emerge from the forest and argue over the body. They go back and forth for a while over who is going to get to eat the man when they finally decide to split it. One looks at the other and s...

The Rabbit's Thesis

Story :

Scene: It's a fine, sunny day in the forest, and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out on a walk.

Fox: "What are you working on?"

Rabbit:"My thesis."

Fox:"Hmm. What is it about?"

Rabbit:"Oh, I'm wri...

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The Pig-Fucker Joke (NSFW)

So this guy breeds exceptionally rare, prized pigs, pigs that people from across the world seek to acquire.

One day, as he was sailing with a group of pigs to over-sea market, a nasty storm rolled in. His ship capsizes, and the man wakes up on the shore of a desert island with only one pig, ...

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