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Dwayne Jokes

How do you beat Dwayne Johnson in a fight?

Throw paper at him

Why did Dwayne ‘the rock’ Johnson’s family get tested for COVID-19

They couldn’t smell what the rock was cooking.

I misplaced Dwayne Johnson’s cutting tool for the origami workshop...

I can’t believe I lost the Rock’s Paper Scissors...

Dwayne Johnson has a new book coming out.

It's about drive, it's about power.

What's the difference between a geologist and Dwayne Johnson conducting an experiment?

One is a rock scientist. The other is The Rock, scientist.



(This is so dumb. I apologize in advance to anyone who reads this.)

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Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson just found out 2 of his kids are gay...

...I guess you can say they are fruity pebbles.

[OC] i just realized Dwayne Johnson was living above my appartment.

i was living under The Rock for a very long time.

You know, the saddest thing about Dwayne Johnson's success as a movie actor is how he's completely forgotten his brothers who got him there.

Paper and Scissors.

If I spank Dwayne Johnson...

does that mean I hit Rock bottom?

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I slapped Dwayne Johnson's ass

I guess I've hit Rock Bottom.

What do Irish people call a Dwayne Johnson impersonator?

A Sham-Rock

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the new Will Smith/Dwayne Johnson movie?

They play star-crossed lovers in the 1920s who are both struggling with a crisis of faith at their sexuality. The working title is:

"Dwayne Will Rock Smith's Johnson"

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Dwayne Johnson paid me to clean up and organize his craft room, but sadly, I lost his scrapbook cutting tool.

I lost the Rock’s paper scissors.

Why is Dwayne Johnson the bravest man alive?

Because he's Boulder than all the rest!

[NSFW] What would you call Dwayne Johnsons boyfriend?

Rock bottom.

How much does Dwayne Johnson weigh?

1 stone

Dwayne Johnson wants to move to a peninsula south of Spain.

He wants to be the Rock of Gibraltar.

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What do you call a gay-porno starring Dwayne Johnson and Johnny Depp?

"*Rock Beats Scissors*"

Why do movies with Kevin Hart and Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson pairing do well in the box office?

Because they have a little Hart and a big Johnson

I heard that Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is thinking in running for President.

The only way he's winning if he's going against scissors.

When Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history...

Is it called genealogy or geology?

Did you see Dwayne The Rock Johnson is recovering from COVID ?

I hear he couldn’t even smell what he was cookin.

Dwayne Johnson's mom was going through a really bad time in her life after she spanked her son

She had just hit rock bottom.

I was once cornered by Dwayne Johnson in front of a Hallmark store.

I was caught between a Rock and a card place.

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I followed Dwayne Johnson for an hour and when he wasn't looking I slapped his arse. He turned around and punched me in the face.

That's what happens when you hit rock bottom.

Knock knock...

Dwayne.

Dwayne who?

Dwayne the tub, I'm dwowning!!!

My 6 year old made this up while taking his bath...

Knock knock

Who's there?

Dwayne

Dwayne who?

Dwayne the tub before I dwown.

Casting Dwayne Johnson in a movie is a bold decision...

Casting The Rock is a boulder decision.

You know, Dwayne Johnson was always a special kid...

In third grade, all the other kids drew a family tree. Little dwayne made a family quarry.

Did I tell you about my friend in Africa named Dwayne?

I haven’t seen him in a while.

I miss Dwayne... down in Africa.

NEWSFLASH: Dwayne Johnson to purchase Fiskars!

Yep: Rock Pays for Scissors

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens when you smack Dwayne Johnson’s butt?

You get arrested for sexual assault. What did you think was going to happen?

Who decided to call it "Dwayne Johnson's Wrestling Career" instead of...

Classic Rock?

I heard Dwayne Johnson is filming a movie about retrieving documents from the leader of ancient Rome

It's going to be a Rock, Paper, Caesar's shoot.

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What’s the difference between a bunch of bugs and Dwayne Johnson’s personal trainers?

One is a group of cockroaches, the other’s a bunch of Rock coaches

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To the jerk that threw the rock through my window:

You must *really* hate Dwayne Johnson.

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Dwayne Johnson is doing a battle scene for a movie...

When suddenly the villain he is fighting kicks him in the butt.

Dwayne shocked, responds "you've just hit rock's bottom"

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if you decide to slap a random black guys ass and it turns out to be Dwayne Johnson..

..you've really hit rock bottom

My friend wants to study Dwayne Johnson’s biography and his ancestors....

Is he studying geneaology or geology?

Make no mistake, Ellen DeGeneres could never take down Dwayne Johnson...

The Rock always beats scissors.

Dwayne Johnson has said that he would run for President...

As long as he isn't up against paper, then he should win.

What do you get when you cross Vince Offer and Dwayne Johnson?

A ShamRock

I went rock climbing the other day

It was a nice view atop Dwayne Johnson

Unconfirmed rumors that The Rock has been injured while on location in Namibia

I guess Dwayne's down in Africa.

Celebrity Murder

Dwayne Johnson was murdered in a hotel room he was staying at. Police were called as soon as the body was discovered, and they did some investigating.

An officer knocked on the door of someone living one floor down. He asked the man who answered if he heard anything unusual above him, but he ...

What happens when you are hugging Dwayne Johnson and a pig?

You’re stuck between The Rock and a lard place.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It was probably my worst moment of judgement, feeling over confident and giving Dwayne Johnson a big ol’ smack on his ass.

I hit Rock bottom.

John was excited to move into his new condo which was exactly below Dwayne Johnson's apartment. But soon he became ignorant & oblivious to things happening around him. Why?

Because John was living under The Rock.

The weirdest thing happened to me today, Dwayne Johnson was holding me down wgilst a fishmonger hit me with a frozen fish.

I was stuck between The Rock and a hard plaice

I heard that for his role in the Baywatch movie Dwayne Johnson dropped down to 238 lbs from 260 lbs so he could look more ripped than 'big'.

I guess that would make him a metamorphic Rock.

I want to watch the new Dwayne Johnson movie, but also want to watch the new Kevin Hart movie...

I guess you could say I'm caught
between The Rock and a Hart place

A guy in my glass has a habit of breaking my glasses

His name is Dwayne, and I hate him. I have really bad eyesight, so without my glasses it’s basically impossible for me to see anything, and it was negatively affecting my grades.

Dwayne broke my first pair when I left them on my desk and he “accidentally” sat on them.

He broke my secon...

A few years ago, I used to live next door to both Dwayne Johnson and the pop group that sang ‘Take On Me’.

I was stuck between a Rock and A-ha’s place.

My 6 yr old daughter had a joke for me this morning that made me chuckle...

Daughter: knock knock
Dad: who's there?
Daughter: dwayne
Dad: dwayne who?
Daughter: dwayne the tub, I'm dwowning!

Why did a boulder call the complaints office at Hollywood?

Because Dwayne Johnson took its place.

Who is 6’5”, ripped, and loves 17th century European architecture?

Dwayne ‘Baroque’ Johnson

I'm a terrible speller

I hung up a sign outside my bar to let people know there was live music, but everyone thought I was trying to keep out Dwayne Johnson.

So dumb it makes me laugh every time i hear it

me: knock knock

them: who's there

me: Dwayne

them: Dwayne who

me: dwayne the bathtub! i'm dwowning!

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