Why did Dwayne ‘the rock’ Johnson’s family get tested for COVID-19

They couldn’t smell what the rock was cooking.

A dying kid makes a wish to meet Dwayne Johnson

Dwayne sits at the side of the hospital bed and asks the kid if he was a fan of wrestling.

The kid says yeah, and that he knows his only weakness.

Dwayne looks puzzled, and asks what it is.

"Come closer" says the kid.

Dwayne leans in, and the kid shows him his open palm....

What was Dwayne Johnson called in his childhood?

The Pebble.

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What happens when you touch Dwayne Johnson’s Butt?-

You hit rock bottom.

What's the difference between a geologist and Dwayne Johnson conducting an experiment?

One is a rock scientist. The other is The Rock, scientist.



(This is so dumb. I apologize in advance to anyone who reads this.)

What do you call an Asian Dwayne Johnson?

The Wok.

What will happen if Medusa look at Dwayne Johnson?

Nothing.

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What happens when you smack Dwayne Johnson’s butt?

You get arrested for sexual assault. What did you think was going to happen?

How do you beat Dwayne Johnson in a fight?

Throw paper at him

I misplaced Dwayne Johnson’s cutting tool for the origami workshop...

I can’t believe I lost the Rock’s Paper Scissors...

You know, the saddest thing about Dwayne Johnson's success as a movie actor is how he's completely forgotten his brothers who got him there.

Paper and Scissors.

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if you decide to slap a random black guys ass and it turns out to be Dwayne Johnson..

..you've really hit rock bottom

[NSFW] What would you call Dwayne Johnsons boyfriend?

Rock bottom.

Why do movies with Kevin Hart and Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson pairing do well in the box office?

Because they have a little Hart and a big Johnson

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Did you hear about the new Will Smith/Dwayne Johnson movie?

They play star-crossed lovers in the 1920s who are both struggling with a crisis of faith at their sexuality. The working title is:

"Dwayne Will Rock Smith's Johnson"

How does Dwayne Johnson sign up for a music contest?

Rock enrolls

\[Rock 'n' rolls\]

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I slapped Dwayne Johnson's ass.

I guess I've hit Rock Bottom.

NEWSFLASH: Dwayne Johnson to purchase Fiskars!

Yep: Rock Pays for Scissors

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Do you think Dwayne "the rock" Johnson...

Calls his penis "Dwayne *The Cock* Johnson"?

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To the jerk that threw the rock through my window:

You must *really* hate Dwayne Johnson.

John was excited to move into his new condo which was exactly below Dwayne Johnson's apartment. But soon he became ignorant & oblivious to things happening around him. Why?

Because John was living under The Rock.

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Dwayne Johnson paid me to clean up and organize his craft room, but sadly, I lost his scrapbook cutting tool.

I lost the Rock’s paper scissors.

Did I tell you about my friend in Africa named Dwayne?

I haven’t seen him in a while.

I miss Dwayne... down in Africa.

Dwayne Johnson opened a restaurant and was the head chef.

He was making stew one day and asked his assistant for help. He said "Can you move the pot back and forth so the aroma of the stew will waft out of the pot easier?" The assistant looked puzzled and Dwayne Johnson rephrased the question.

"Can you rock what the cook is smelling?"

Did you see Dwayne The Rock Johnson is recovering from COVID ?

I hear he couldn’t even smell what he was cookin.

I heard Dwayne Johnson is filming a movie about retrieving documents from the leader of ancient Rome

It's going to be a Rock, Paper, Caesar's shoot.

I never realised Dwayne Johnson lived in the apartment above us.

All this time we had been living under a rock.

What happens when you are hugging Dwayne Johnson and a pig?

You’re stuck between The Rock and a lard place.

When Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history...

Is it called genealogy or geology?

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It was probably my worst moment of judgement, feeling over confident and giving Dwayne Johnson a big ol’ smack on his ass.

I hit Rock bottom.

My friend wants to study Dwayne Johnson’s biography and his ancestors....

Is he studying geneaology or geology?

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I followed Dwayne Johnson for an hour and when he wasn't looking I slapped his arse. He turned around and punched me in the face.

That's what happens when you hit rock bottom.

Why is Dwayne Johnson the bravest man alive?

Because he's Boulder than all the rest!

I want Dwayne Johnson to take me roughly behind a casino

Call that being stuck between the Rock and a card place

What do you get when you cross Vince Offer and Dwayne Johnson?

A ShamRock

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What do you call a gay-porno starring Dwayne Johnson and Johnny Depp?

"*Rock Beats Scissors*"

Make no mistake, Ellen DeGeneres could never take down Dwayne Johnson...

The Rock always beats scissors.

I heard that Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is thinking in running for President.

The only way he's winning if he's going against scissors.

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Dwayne Johnson is doing a battle scene for a movie...

When suddenly the villain he is fighting kicks him in the butt.

Dwayne shocked, responds "you've just hit rock's bottom"

Why didn't Dwayne Johnson's downstairs neighbour recognise him?

Because he's been living under a rock

A guy in my glass has a habit of breaking my glasses

His name is Dwayne, and I hate him. I have really bad eyesight, so without my glasses it’s basically impossible for me to see anything, and it was negatively affecting my grades.

Dwayne broke my first pair when I left them on my desk and he “accidentally” sat on them.

He broke my secon...

I want to watch the new Dwayne Johnson movie, but also want to watch the new Kevin Hart movie...

I guess you could say I'm caught
between The Rock and a Hart place

You know, Dwayne Johnson was always a special kid...

In third grade, all the other kids drew a family tree. Little dwayne made a family quarry.

A few years ago, I used to live next door to both Dwayne Johnson and the pop group that sang ‘Take On Me’.

I was stuck between a Rock and A-ha’s place.

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What’s the difference between a bunch of bugs and Dwayne Johnson’s personal trainers?

One is a group of cockroaches, the other’s a bunch of Rock coaches

Who decided to call it "Dwayne Johnson's Wrestling Career" instead of...

Classic Rock?

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Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson just found out 2 of his kids are gay...

...I guess you can say they are fruity pebbles.

Dad joke: What did the rock say to the scissors?

I’m Dwayne The Rock Johnson.

Sorry.

Dwayne Johnson's mom was going through a really bad time in her life after she spanked her son

She had just hit rock bottom.

Joke

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Dwayne.

Dwayne who?

Dwayne the water I'm dwowning.

Dwayne Johnson has said that he would run for President...

As long as he isn't up against paper, then he should win.

I heard that for his role in the Baywatch movie Dwayne Johnson dropped down to 238 lbs from 260 lbs so he could look more ripped than 'big'.

I guess that would make him a metamorphic Rock.

Dwayne Johnson's new television show on the food network

Can you cook what The Rock is smelling?

I remember once I was forced to choose between Dwayne Johnson and a lifetime supply of frozen fish.

I was stuck between a Rock and a hard plaice.

Why did a boulder call the complaints office at Hollywood?

Because Dwayne Johnson took its place.

Unconfirmed rumors that The Rock has been injured while on location in Namibia

I guess Dwayne's down in Africa.

I was one step away from hitting the rock bottom

His bodyguard caught me, Dwayne is a well protected man

I auditioned for the WWE a few years ago

I auditioned for the WWE a few years ago under the wrestling name ‘Paperman’.

I failed to get in though.

At the time Dwayne Johnson was the champion, and the bosses didn’t want me beating him.

Who is 6’5”, ripped, and loves 17th century European architecture?

Dwayne ‘Baroque’ Johnson

Who's the one person Medusa cannot turn to stone?

Dwayne Johnson

My 6 year old made this up while taking his bath...

Knock knock

Who's there?

Dwayne

Dwayne who?

Dwayne the tub before I dwown.

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A long time...

A school class was given the homework over the weekend to learn about the word contagious.

Come Monday the teacher calls on little Becky to stand in front of the class and use the word contagious in a sentence.

"My Daddy is a Biomedical Engineer and says that Covid-19 is a contagious d...

I'm a terrible speller

I hung up a sign outside my bar to let people know there was live music, but everyone thought I was trying to keep out Dwayne Johnson.

During quarantine - Lonely at home

I am lonely at home quarantined:

Day 1. Oh, that's nice.

Day 3. I read books and rest.

Day 5. I bingwatched "Friends".

Day 7. I talked to the washing machine, but I had worse days.

Day 9. My washing machine is angry. I never had worse days.

Day 11. I'm fine…...

I really didn't enjoy my Hollywood Internship...

They made me follow Leonardo DiCaprio around for 6 hours carrying his water bottle which was exhausting.

They made me floss between Tom Cruise's toes which was humiliating.

But when they made me spank Dwayne Johnson...

That's when I knew I'd hit rock bottom.

(edit: no lon...

So dumb it makes me laugh every time i hear it

me: knock knock

them: who's there

me: Dwayne

them: Dwayne who

me: dwayne the bathtub! i'm dwowning!

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