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Dreamed Jokes

I dreamed I was invisible and I married an invisible woman

I'm not sure what we saw in each other
 
 
 
 
Our kids were nothing to look at either

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Wife dreamed that she was attending a dick auction

Wife : "I dreamed they were auctioning off dicks. The big ones went for ten dollars and the thick ones went for twenty dollars."

Husband : "How about the ones like mine?"

Wife : "They gave those away."

Husband : "I had a dream too...I dreamed they were auctioning off vaginas. Th...

I dreamed I saw a color I never saw before

It was just a pigment of my imagination.

I dreamed this joke

Seems quite strange, but in my dream I came up with this joke, and upon waking it actually makes sense as a joke to my great surprise. Usually when you have flashes of inspiration in a dream you wake up and realise it made absolutely zero sense.

Here's the joke.

Two horses were best ...

I dreamed I drowned in an ocean made of orange soda.

When I woke I realized it was just a Fanta sea.

Last night I dreamed I was in Paris. The year was 1789.

I was poor and hungry. My clothes were in tatters. I was all alone.

Far away I saw the palace, and when the guards weren’t watching, I slipped inside.

I smelled food. I followed the smell.

There I saw the Queen, feasting on a huge banquet, with a dozen ladies of the court.
...

Last night I dreamed that I was weightless!

I was like, 0mg

My girlfriend dreamed...

Yesterday my girlfriend dreamed that I was unfaithful, so I cheated on her because I want to fulfill all of her dreams.

My wife told me over breakfast she dreamed I'd given her a diamond ring

"I wonder what it means," she said.

I smiled but said nothing and left for work.

That evening I brought her a small gift-wrapped package. Oh you should have seen how excited she was! Brought a tear to my eye.

She opened the present with trembling hands: a little book titled "How...

I dreamed I was broke

And when I woke up my dreams came true.
Never give up on your dreams.

When I was a young man, I dreamed of sleeping with a strange woman every night.....

What I didn't realize was that it would be the same one!

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What's the dirtiest or sexiest joke you have ever heard?

Not the dirtiest but I laughed.

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Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there are not enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the n...

I’ve always dreamed of swimming in a body of water filled with soda.

Sadly it’s just a Fanta-sea.

A little Mexican girl dreamed of playing the guitar.

Her name was Maria. She was very poor, but she knew that one day she would be a famous entertainer. One sunny morning, she discovered a makeshift vihuela abandoned behind a local shop. Ecstatic, she raced home and immediately started practicing.

While carefully fingering a chord outside of h...

Last night I dreamed I was driving a Ferrari in the Formula 1 championship race...

I was fast, asleep.

I dreamed I was forced to eat a giant marshmallow.

When I woke up, my pillow was gone.

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I had a dreamed I pooped the bed.

So it turns out dreams can come true!

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Joke I dreamed I made last night

A Navy SEAL, a police officer, and a firefighter go into the local pub. While enjoying their drinks, they manage to get on the topic on who has the most dangerous job.
The Navy SEAL says, “I do. I put my ass on the line killing terrorists for my country.”
The Cop says, “I do. I put my ass on ...

I dreamed last last night that I was making pancakes whilst driving along a twisty road

I tossed and turned all night

I always dreamed of being a comedian.

But everyone laughed at me.

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I dreamed I died and went to heaven with you.

When we arrived to heaven, there were clocks everywhere, as far as the eye can see.

We stopped a passing angel and asked them to explain the clocks.

"What's with all the clocks?", I asked.

The Angel responded that they each represent a person on Earth. They keep track of how muc...

Last night I dreamed I was a Teepee, and the night before that I dreamed I was a Wigwam.

My wife says I’m two tents.

A woman was taking an afternoon nap. When she woke up, she told her husband

A woman was taking an afternoon nap. When she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace. What do you think it means?" "You'll know tonight," he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it to find ...

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I dreamed your mom saved my life

A venomous snake bit my dick

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I dreamed that my friend Dietrich was shoving hotdogs up my ass

It was my wurst nightmare

I dreamed that I discovered a new color,

but it was just a pigment of my imagination.

Original joke, yay!

a man was being interviewed for his dream job

"What is this 8 year gap in your resume?" The interviewer asked

"Oh that? That was when i went to Yale" He explained

"You went to Yale!? Youre hired!"

"Thank you so much! Ive always dreamed of having this Yob!"

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A young man had dreamed of becoming a paratrooper.

After training for months, the time had finally come for him to make his first real jump. The night before, in a panic, he called his father – who had also been a paratrooper.


“Dad” he said, “Tomorrow is my first jump and I don’t think I can do it.”


“Don’t worry,” said his fath...

A young man with no arms and no legs dreamed of becoming a fireman.

His mother didn't have the heart to discourage him, even though she knew there was no way he could be a firefighter.

To her surprise, when she picked him up after his interview, he excitedly told her that they had taken him on, he was finally a real firefighter! His mother congratulated him,...

I'd always dreamed of being in NASA but it wasn't what I'd imagined it would be

For one all the people there were very rude. They kept saying things like "You shouldn't be here," "Oh my," and "I CAN'T CATCH HIM HE'S COVERED IN BABY OIL"

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After 40 years as a gynecologist,

John decided he had enough money to retire and take up his real love—car mechanics. He left his practice, enrolled in a car mechanics class and studied hard. The day of the final exam came and John worried if he would be able to complete the test with the same proficiency as his younger classmates. ...

I once dreamed that I fell down a flight of stairs.

I was so relieved when I woke up safely in the hospital.

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with Sasquatch

Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.

Sometimes there were two sets of footprints.

Other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when ...

A young kid from the inner city only ever dreamed of being a dancer

Lacey worked really hard and started to gain some attention until a tragic accident destroyed her left knee. She lost her job at the dance company and thus her insurance, leaving her with a shattered knee and broken dreams.

Then she saw a commercial for these brand new knee replacements, Mah...

Juan Ken always dreamed of becoming an obstetrician but when he finally made it he couldn't decide on what people should call him.

His two choices: OB Juan, Ken OB

Did you hear about the mechanic who dreamed of being a plumber?

It was all a pipe dream.

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