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Candy Cane Jokes

What do you call a candy cane with graduated markings?

A measure-mint device.

I know a guy who collects candy canes...

...they are all in mint condition.

Santa walks into the North Pole bar, takes a seat, and asks the bartender for his most popular shot

Bartender pours out something that looks like candy cane. “It’s called ‘Elf Cum’”.

Santa cringes, but downs it and remarks, “Gee, that’s really good, but why do you call it ‘Elf Cum’?”

Bartender replies, “When I tested it out with Mrs. Claus, she said, ‘That tastes just like ...

What's something long and hard that you suck on

A candy cane!

I found some leftover candy canes from last year that were still in their packaging.

They were in mint condition.

Christmas pick up lines

Christmas PickUp Lines: Let's both be naughty this year and save Santa the trip.



Is your name Jingle Bells, 'cause you look like you'd go all the way.

Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?  Shouldn't you be on the top of the tree, Angel? H...

Whats the difference between Ornaments, Candy Canes, Myself, and the Star?

You don't hang the star

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In the evening of 24 December 1944...

...a team of Allied commandos were taking advantage of the German revelry, sneaking behind enemy lines to kill or capture the kommandant of the nearby Nazi base, Klaus von Braun.

From their position in the shadows, they watched the kommandant as he passed from soldier to soldier, thanking...

What's red, white, and blue?

A sad candy cane.

Have you ever heard the story of how the angel got on top of the Christmas tree?

Once upon a time, three days before Christmas many years ago, Santa was sitting in his office. He was under a horrible amount of stress; the elves had just announced that they were forming a labour union, half the reindeer had hoof and mouth disease, and Mrs. Claus hadn't touched his candy cane in m...

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