Five people are on a plane that is going to crash; Oprah, the Pope, Greta Thunberg, Trump and Dr. Fauci.

Only four parachutes though.

Fauci takes one, says "I’ve got to live so I can find a cure for this pandemic and jumps out of the plane."

The Pope takes one, says "I have to be there to provide spiritual guidance to the faithful during this pandemic and he jumps out."

Trump takes...

So why did the chicken cross the road?

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.

JOHN McCAIN: My friends, the...

Oprah could be the next President.

Black is the new Orange.

Oprah should marry Deepak Chopra.

then his name would be Deepak Winfrey.

I realized that Oprah is one of the few celebrities to live up to her name.

Because her audience members Winfrey stuff.

***I reposted because of typo in title.

What's the best thing about an Oprah Winfrey joke?

You get the joke! You get the joke! You all get the joke!

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Hosi pappa and sex

When Hosi pappa was 97, he was interviewed by Oprah Winfrey.

Oprah: "Mr. Hosi, how do you carry so much energy with you? You are always working, and at your age, I think that's remarkable."

Hosi pappa: "I just take good care of myself and enjoy whatever I do, plus as a Parsi we live ve...

Oprah promises prosecution of all women in sleeveless dresses when she takes office

She is against the right to bare arms.

I guess Mother Nature watches a lot of Oprah.

Because it looks like everybody gets a hurricane.

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Oprah Winfrey goes to therapy

Oprah was suffering from quite a bit of stress so she decided it would be best to see a therapist. After multiple visits, she felt like the treatment wasn’t working as well as she hoped. So during the next appointment, she told her therapist “How about instead of talking, we just have sex? I think t...

Obama, his wife and Oprah

Obama, his wife, and Oprah were all flying to DC on a private jet. Obama goes "you know, I could throw a one-thousand dollar bill out the window and make someone very happy!" Then his wife said "well speaking of which, I could throw 10 hundred dollar bills out thewindow and make 10 people very hap...

Oprah was caught with drugs

They looked up her dress and found a thousand pounds of crack.

Obama, Oprah, Trump and a little girl are on a plane. The engines fail...

... the pilots have already parachuted out the plane. The four mentioned are the only ones remaining on the plane. But there are only three parachutes.

Oprah quickly steps forward and says to the little girl; "I'm taking a parachute. I'll build a school for girls in your honour, it'll benefi...

What do you call a depressed Oprah Winfrey?

Mope-rah.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Oprah Winfrey was busted by TSA at O'Hare airport today with 40 pounds of crack.

They let her go because it just turned out to be her vagina.

Oprah Winfrey goes to the doctor for a physical...

...she walks into the doctor's office and sits down on the waiting table. The doctor comes in and says,

"Welcome back Oprah! First, I need you to take your clothes off."

She takes off her clothes and sits back down on the table. The doctor then says,

"Now I'm going to need you t...

What did Oprah say when she visited Harlem?

"YOU get a father, and YOU get a father, and YOU get a father! Everybody gets a father!!!

Oprah said she might run for president, and it started a conversation about who would run against Trump. But we already know who becomes president after Trump ...

Lisa Simpson

So there were 4 people on a private jet

Oprah Winfrey, Donald trump, Barack obama, and this little girl.

In the middle of there flight, the engine shuts down and and there going to crash.

So Oprah Winfrey says “the world needs me” and grabs a parachute and jumps off.

Then Donald trump grabs a parachute and jumps off ...

Have you heard the joke about Oprah's new line at Starbucks?

It's a warm, comforting, medium-dark roast.

The Ant and the Grasshopper

CLASSIC VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no f...

3 nuns are at the pearly gates...

St Peter greets them saying "Sisters of the faith! I have some bad news. Due to the current state of the world, there is a lineup to get into heaven. But since you devoted your lives to the Lord, I have a special surprise for you! You all get to go back to Earth until we can get you in past the gate...

Best Obama joke Ive heard in a while

so Obama, Michelle Obama, and Oprah are in airforce one, Obama turns around and says "I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window and make someone very happy". Michelle Obama turns and says "I could throw 10 $10,000 bills out the window and make 10 people really happy". Oprah said "Ill beat both of ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Celebrity Computer Viruses

Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory out of your computer.

Ronald Reagan virus: Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.

Mike Tyson virus: Quits after one byte.

Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.<...

The Pope Was Heading to the Airport...

The limo driver picks him up 15 minutes late from the Vatican. They're driving along and it's rush hour and the driver is just taking his good ol' time. The Pope, in a fit of fury yells "GET IN THE BACK, I'M DRIVING." The Pope starts driving and is doing over a hundred miles per hour while swerving...

Madonna is flying from New York to London . . .

. . . and happens to be seated next to Oprah on the plane. They exchange pleasantries and settle in. Half way over the Atlantic ocean, the pilot comes on the PA and says, "We just lost 3 engines. Prepare to go down in the ocean.

Madonna grabs her carry-on and begins putting on diamond earring...

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