Discounts Jokes - 15 Hilarious Discounts Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A plastic surgeon was offering discounts on breast implants.

The sign read:

A sale of two titties

I asked an Indian restaurant if they gave volume discounts for large catering orders

They said their prices are naan negotiable.

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Indians and discounts... I asked my buddy Rajesh what time it was

He replied, "It's 3 o'clock, but for you my friend, I'll make it 2.30"

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A store announces that from 8:00 to 9:30 am they'll only be attending senior customers and offering discounts

By 7:30 there was already a big line of grandpas and grandmas waiting outside. Suddenly a nice car pulls up, a young man gets out and proceeds to cut in front of everyone. He gets immediately smacked in the head with a cane by an old lady. He brushes it off and keeps going. This time a lot of canes ...

The Madam opened the brothel door to see a frail, elderly gentleman.

"Can I help you?" the madam asked. "I want Natalie," the old man replied. "Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies, perhaps someone else..." "No, I must see Natalie."

Just then Natalie appeared and announced to the old man that she charges $1,000 per visit. Without blinking, the man ...

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I once heard about a pimp that offered discounts on fat chicks.

You know what they say, it's always cheaper to buy in bulk.

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I only go to brothels when they have discounts

I like getting more bang for my buck

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Hooters

Two men grow up together as friends. After college, one moves to Ohio, and the other moves to Colorado. They agree to meet every 10 years in Florida to play some golf and catch up with each other.

At age 35 they meet, finish their round of golf, and head for lunch.

One asks, "...

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Why do children in China all have iPhones and wear Nike?

Employee discounts

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I heard people are getting paid to mention companies and do product placement in their Reddit posts!

That's almost as crazy as the discounts at Jez's Furniture Emporium. Sale this weekend

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An elderly couple returned to a Mercedes dealership…..

To find out the salesman had just sold the car they were interested in, to a beautiful Lady.
“I thought you said you would hold that car until we raised the $75, 000 asking price,” said the man.
“Yet I just heard you close the deal for $65,000 to that lovely young lady over there. You insiste...

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On the anniversary of Harambe's death...

the Cincinnati Zoo should have special deals all day. Discounts for Harambe.

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Why did the Blonde bring a ladder to the store?

Because it said "High Discounts".

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One of my favorites from Fallout 3:

I once visited a crematorium that gave discounts to burn victims.

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I've decided to get help with my drug habit.

I've managed to convince some friends to give me bulk discounts.

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