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Delivery Man Jokes

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In my past life, I was a message delivery man in an army base

One day, I got a letter for Bravo Company, and took off to deliver it as quickly as I could. When I found them they were doing exercises in one of the yards, I walked up to the sergeant to deliver the message.

He took the letter, read it over, folded it and put it in his pocket. Then he yell...

Started a new job as a delivery man today

When I got to my first address there was a little sticky note left on the door saying, "Dear Mr delivery man, we're out, please hide in the garage."




That was eight hours ago and still nobody's found me...

Joe works as a newspaper delivery man.

He likes his job, but holds a low opinion of the newspaper he works for. He thinks they are sensationalist and have a poor standard of writing. Still, the job pays well and has good benefits, so he tries not to think about it.

One day a man visits the newspaper's office and asks if they have ...

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Apparently, there's a new sex position called, "delivery man"...

You stay in all day and no-one comes...

TIL: if you push one pizza delivery man over, all the pizza delivery men fall over.

It's known as the domino's effect.

The delivery man only brought part of my bear costume.

I wanted to choke him with my bear hands.

An American businessman goes to India on a business trip...

but he doesn't like Indian food.

so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's any place around where he can get American food.

The concierge tells him he's in luck; there's a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number...

I murdered the pizza delivery man for messing up my order and had to cover it up.

I ordered another pizza to calm my nerves and the second delivery man noticed the body, so I had to kill him too. Now I feel even more nervous so I ordered yet another pizza. I think it’s starting to become a domino effect.

What does a gynecologist and a pizza delivery man has in common?

They both smell it but neither gets to eat it.

A delivery man is carrying a box to a house when, suddenly, he drops it:

"Ups!"

Jim had been out for a few days with the flu. Back at work,...

...he ran into a friend of his, who asked him, "Jim, how are you feeling?"

"I'm better, thanks. You know, it was a wonderful experience," Jim replied.

"Wonderful? How can the flu be wonderful?"

"Well, I learned that my wife really loves me. You know, whenever the mailman came by...

I'm going on a date with a delivery man.

He said he'll arrive between 3pm and 7.30pm.

What's the worst thing you can say to a Jewish bread delivery man?

What's the challah cost?

I had to quit my job as a Microsoft delivery man

It got awkward telling people I was giving word to their mother.

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A man on the floor in a factory stands, not doing any work.

A man on the floor in a factory stands, not doing any work.

CEO comes up and asks his salary.

The man replies - $1000

The CEO pulls out his wallet, gives the man $1,000 and says - here's your month salary. I pay people to work here. Get out and never come back !

The man l...

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Delicious

A husband and wife are sitting around one afternoon. The man is a little bored and horny so he turns to his wife.

“Hey honey want to 69?” He asks.

“Sounds lovely,” she replies “but I’m on my period”

“That’s ok with me.”

They go upstairs and start the act. After a few mi...

Don't make a decision before you have studied all its aspects ! Don't make a decision when you are angry !

An iron company manager, while touring the company noticed a young man leaning against the wall and doing nothing.

He approached him and said softly, "How much is your salary?"

The young man was calm and surprised by the personal question.

He answered, "2500 dollars a month, sir...

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[NSFW] The Intro To A Porno

Delivery Man: "That'll be $29.95 please."

Girl: "Oh no! I don't have any money, how about you come in for a blow job?"

Delivery Man: "Uh... OK."

Girl's Brother: "Great!" *unzips pants*

A pizza man is delivering my pizza

I hear a knock on the door, so I say

"Who is it?"

The pizza guy replies

"The pizza delivery man"

I respond

"The pizza delivery man who?"

The pizza guy responds

"Come on kid! I have your pizza, and it's raining out here. Get the pizza already!"
...

An insanely jealous husband comes home in a rage to see his wife...

He was a large bulky man who could well tear into somebody. He barges into their 3 story apartment, slams the door, and yells at his wife, "Where is he, you cheat?"

She exclaims, "What are you talking about?" He screams, "I know you're cheating on me and when I find him, I'm going to kill him...

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Jose and Carlos are butt fucking in the shower

when the doorbell rings. Jose quickly blows his load, pulls his dick out of Carlos’ ass, and says “hold on I need to get this it could be the delivery man”. Before leaving the bathroom Jose notices that Carlos’ dick is rock hard and he’s stroking it intensely. Jose says to Carlos “You better not cum...

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My sons school was having "career day". When he came home, he was complaining that there wasn't any information available in his fields of interest.

I said "what do you want to after high school?"

He replies "either be a pizza delivery man or a pool skimmer" ..........







I'm pretty sure the little shit found my porn stash.

I ordered a book called "How to relieve stress"

My goodness, for the life of me I really hope that it arrives on time.

And that it's useful.

And that the delivery man doesn't dislike me.

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When I was about 14/15

I wanted to be a plumber, then I wanted to be a firefighter, then pizza delivery man,then I stopped watching porn.

Donut Man

What did the donut delivery man say to the guy who was raping and murdering his entire family?

"Please donut do that"

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Baby answers the door

Delivery man knocks at the door and is greeted by a 2 year old holding a glass of Scotch in one hand and a cigar in the other.

Surprised by the picture of an infant drinking and smoking, he asks:

- are your parents home ?

And the kid responds:

- What the FUCK do you think...

2 Jokes

Joke 1: A man is driving alongside a cliff leading down into the ocean. He's a delivery man for Dunkin' donuts, so his truck is filled with boxes of donuts of every kind. Glazed, old-fashioned, even apple fritters, you name it, he has it in his truck. Now this man is in a hurry, and he's driving pre...

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