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Dd Jokes

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Everyone needs a reliable DD

A man pulls out of the parking lot of a busy Bar at closing time, he begins to swerve and drive eratic. The officer that was parked across the street turned his lights on and pulls him over.. At this time more cars began to leave and everyone who passed honked and waved. The officer paid it no atte...

The DD

A young cop goes to the outskirts of town to a honky tonk planning on getting a few easy tickets or DUIs for the night.
As the bar starts closing down he sees many patrons coming out but one of the last guys out looks to be the drunkest.
The guy is stumbling all over the place and falling ...

Excuse me sir, how much have you had to drink tonight?

A cop waited outside a popular pub hoping to nab a drunk-driver.

At closing time, as everyone came out, he spotted his potential quarry.

The man was so obviously inebriated that he could barely walk.

He stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes looking for his car.
...

GOD'S DEAD DOG - joke :DD

Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie whose dog, Skipper, had recently died.
"You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."
Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"

Banned from the grocery store

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to the local grocery store. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the follow...

What do you call a dad from Iraq?

Baghdaddy

Why are there two d's in reddit?

The second one is a repost.

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Bra Sazes

Have u ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for? Well its time you became informed!


(A) Almost boobs.
(B) Barely there.
(C) Can't Complain!
(D) Dang!
(DD) Doubl...

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What's the difference between a Greyhound Bus depot filled with old people, and a crab with DD boobs?

One's a crusty bus station, and the others a busty crustacean.

So I met a girl last night and we got talking. She asked me what my perfect date would be.

I said DD/MM/YYYY, anything else is just wrong.

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What religion is your bra?

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."

"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.

"Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?"

"Look around," said the saleslady, ...

What’s the perfect date?

DD-MM-YYYY is the most logical to me

Joke

My wife told me to get ready my ginger son for his first school day.

So i punch him and steal his lunch money. :DD

What's the difference between Walnuts and Deer nuts?

Walnuts are $2.95 Deer nuts are under a buck. :DD

I saw a girl wearing a GUESS t-shirt today...

Turns out "DD?" is not the correct response.

So a guy with a stutter calls the sanitation department

Hello, this is the sanitation department.

HH..HH...Hello...Th...th...there's a ddddd ddd dead horse here.

OK, where is here?

On DDD..DDDD...DDDD...D

On Delaware Sir?

Nnnnno, on DDD DDD DDD...DD

On Dartmouth?

NNNN NNO. on DDDD...DDD...

Ok, sir, ...

Doctor twin visits pastor twin

A couple has identical twin sons.

After they finish school, they go to separate cities for university: one studies medicine and eventually gets his MD degree; the other decides to become a man of the cloth and gets his DD (Doctor of Divinity).

The doctor settles down near the city wher...

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A little old lady

A little old lady with blue hair entered the sex shop and asked in a quivering voice, “Yy-youuuung man, dd-do y-you, sell-l d-didildoes h-hhhere?”

The salesman, somewhat taken aback by the little old lady’s appearance in his shop answered, “Uh, yes ma’am, we do.”

The little lady, holdi...

Do you know what today is?

10-4 good buddy.

The joke is only good once a year so I might as well post it.

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Challenge: Change one letter in a move title to create a whole new blockbuster

Examples:

Pooper: BRUCE WILLIS finds out the hard way just how dangerous time travel can be.

Tar Trek: WILLIAM SHATNER's quest to go where no man has gone before to make Canada a major oil producer.

Gone with the Wine: Nicholas Cage drinks himself to death in the old south.
<...

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. W...

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10 years is a long time.

One day, this guy, who has been stranded on a desert island all alone for ten years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon. "It's certainly not a ship," He thinks to himself. And as the speck gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the possibility of a small boat, even a raft.

Suddenly...

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A Prostitute goes to a Stutterer’s Convention...

A prostitute goes to a Stutterers convention
And sees three guys standing in the hallway and figures she can use a warm up...

She says fellas..
If any of you can tell me where you are from without stuttering I’ll give you a blowjob...

So the first guy says Cinci Sis isisisiisisi ...

A cop lies in wait as a group leaves a bar

Finally closing time, he dims his lights and waits for the group to get in their vehicles.

As the people get to their cars, the first car to leave the parking lot swerves a bit, pops the curb slightly, continues on and gets back on the road and makes a slow start to head home. Seeing this, th...

So there is a cop hanging out across the street of an Irish pub near closing time...

The cop notices a man stumble out of the bar, struggle to open his car and is obviously intoxicated. The man makes it out of the parking lot and is pulled over by the cop immediately.

The cop makes him get out and do all the sobriety tests. He passes with flying colors. He then breathelizes ...

Pirates are sailing when...

... in the distance 2 ships are spotted, all the pirates are called to man their stations and prepare for battle. The captain tells his trusty shipmate to get his red vest. The ship is damaged but the battle against the two ships is won. After the battle the captain's mate says to him, "why dd you a...

Two Cops were waiting outside of a bar at closing time......

.....waiting to pop drunk drivers.

A man comes out of the bar, and he is obviously in rough shape. He is weaving all over the place, and almost falls when he trips on a curb. He fumbles with his car keys for almost two minutes, dropping them several times before he finally unlocks his car. ...

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An Irish man walks out of the bar...

And he's staggering all over the place. He drops his trousers and starts pissing on the sidewalk. He walks up to his car and fumbles with his keys repeatedly, but eventually gets in and starts it and drives away swerving all over the place.

A police officer is watching this happen and turns...

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A man isn't happy with the size of his... [long]

John has a date planned with a very attractive young lady in a few weeks, and he's a bit nervous.

You see, John is a fairly successful single man. He's got good looks, money, a luxurious loft apartment, and a convertible sports car. You can be sure that all of the ladies want him, but of all...

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