A thug walks into a bar.

He sees a lone man sitting in front of his beer, crying.
He walks up to him, pushes him off the chair, slaps him left and right in the face and drinks his beer.

The man then started crying even louder and sobbing in absolute desperation.
The thug, annoyed, yelled: Why are you crying lik...

How do cows say “I love you”?

With a s-mooooo-ch!

[Dumb] What do you call someone who cuts pizza with a machete?

Chasin Fourcheese

My mother once called me a son of B**ch

So I hit her because no one talks trash about my mother, and then I hit myself because no one hits my mother, she then hit me because no one hits her son and then she hit herself because no one hits me, so I hit her because no one hits my mother

Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 10.

He replied, "I still love Vista, baby".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A traveling salesman employs a man with a stutter to sell toothbrushes...

His expectations are low for this guy, so he gives him a couple dozen toothbrushes to sell, expecting him to flop out.

To his surprise, the man returns in an hour with all the money. "S-s-sold then a-all!", he says.

The salesman chalks it up to beginners luck, and hands the stutterin...

An American and a Canadian go skydiving

An American and a Canadian go skydiving. This is the first solo jump for the both of them. The plane lifts off and the instructor gives them their last instructions:

"When the light above the door turns green, you can jump."

The Canadian (who is a major stutterer) asks:

"w-w-w-w...

A woman was about to go into labor...

when the doctor revealed a revolutionary new device that could transfer some of the pain of childbirth to the father.

The woman's husband, being the nice, loyal guy he is, decided to man up and take some of the pain for his wife. The doctor started at 20%.
20% of the pain was transferred...

All the French cities are too similar to each other

I mean they are all Nice but... I don’t know

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's a double-whammy, Ch-ching!

Yo' Momma so fat, she can't see her dick.

What came first the ch-

Neutrino.

when gold crushed your feet

**au**\-ch

Official EU Language

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improveme...

A man walks into a restaurant and orders a soup.

Shortly after he gets it he calls the waiter

Waiter: Yes Sir, how can I help you?

Man: Can you please taste the soup?

Waiter: Why? What's wrong with it?

Man: Please taste the soup!

Waiter: I can replace it if there's anything wrong with it!

Man: Taste the so...

The Cuckoo Clock Mayhem

I was invited for dinner with my old friends.

I swore to my wife that I'd be back at midnight. She didn't believe me, but I still went there.

The meal was very tasty, time flied, my blood was already scarce compared to all of the alcohol and I was extremely drunk. At about 3 AM, I went...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I have a thing of finding funny alternative names to movie titles.. Of which are:

Womb Raider

Frying Nemo

Howl's Moaning Castle

Thosebastards

Glad I ate her

The Rare Bi*ch Project

Se8en

Nail Cesar

Sure Lock Homes

A Booty full Mind

Rub a cop

Hairy Potter and the Sorcerer's stoned

Any additions are ...

Did David Bowie just have one set of clothes when he performed?

Or did he have several ch-ch-ch-changes?

A Scotsman goes to London

One day, a Scotsman traveled to the big city. He was impressed by all of the shops, tall buildings, and the bustle of city life. At one point, he came upon a storefront with a sign that read:

-Shirts: £3
-Trousers: £5
-Suit Coats: £10

"O'ch, that's a screaming good deal!" the Sc...

Mark Twain- “A plan for the improvement of the English language”

For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped to be replased either by "k" or "s", and likewise "x" would no longer be part of the alphabet.

The only kase in which "c" would be retained would be the "ch" formation, which will be dealt with later.

Year 2 might reform...

What does David Bowie do after the gym?

Ch ch ch ch changes

Little Johnny and the drawing project

One morning to spice things up, teacher decided to have a classroom drawing project. One person would start, then the next student would add to the drawing. She asked the students who wanted to start first, so little Johnny raised his hand. Knowing little Johnny had a disturbed mind, she decided ...

What do you call a Swiss cat?

A Cat-CH

I'm sick of telling my parents that my name is Richard.

It's Richard with "ch", not a "t"

What does David Bowie do after he gets out of the swimming pool?

He ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-changes. (Sorry if repost)

What does Joan Jett use when her lips are chapped?

Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-cherry balm!

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