My grief counsellor died the other day

He was so good at his job, I don't even care

I took my Wife to a marriage counsellor

She said she was sick of my Star Wars jokes.
I told the counsellor
Divorce is strong with this one.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

My grief counsellor died the other day..

But he was so good I didn’t give a shit.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Husband and wife are sitting at the marriage counsellor

The counsellor turns to the husband and says "I understand you suffer from premature ejaculation?"

The husband nods towards his wife and replies "well actually, she's the one who suffers!"

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

"In a week, how many times do you have sex with your wife?" asked my marriage counsellor.

I said, "Almost every time..."

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

I took so much camp counsellor dick

I got a woodworking badge

Why was Obi Wan Kenobi fired from his job as a marriage guidance counsellor?

He kept telling people to "use divorce"

Me and my flat chested wife went to see a marriage counsellor today.

The counsellor asked us; "What seems to be the problem?"

"Well," I said, "Dolly Parton here thinks I'm too sarcastic."

A husband visited a marriage counsellor

and said: "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking.

Now after ten years it's different. I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking."

Said the counsell...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Farmer John and his wife Mary lived on a big piece of land in the middle of Ohio.

They did pretty well for themselves, but as all affluent farmers will know, farming is not easy money. After a few years of living together and working very hard, their marriage started to fall apart. Being just as determined to keep their marriage together as they were to keep their farm running, t...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

My wife and I went to see a marriage counsellor.

The woman said, "How many times a week do the two of you have sex?"

My wife said, "One or two."

Things got awkward when I said, "Five or six."

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

A married couple goes to a marriage Counsellor to work out some problems.

The Counsellor sits them on the couch and says "For starters, let's talk about something you both have in common."

The husband says "Well, neither of us suck dick."

Why do Jedis make bad marriage counsellors?

Their only advice to males is "use the force".

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

John and Jane go to see a marriage counsellor.

The counsellor says, "So, you two are married, correct?"

"Correct," they reply.

"And you are having regular sex?" asks the counsellor.

"Absolutely," they reply,

"So," laughs the counsellor, "What is the problem?"

They say, "Well, our partners don't really approve."

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

I went to my marriage counsellor today [NSFW]

I told him I wasn't sexually attracted to my wife anymore, He asked why I said she's just too lose, and I can't feel anything I just don't enjoy it as much as i used too. He suggested to me why don't i try the other hole? So i replied no way! she can get pregnant from that one.

A very successful lawyer parked his brand new BMW in front of his office...

... ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore the door off of the drivers side. The counsellor immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialled 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.
Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

A couple with a rough patch go to councelling

A married couple hit a rough patch, so they book to see a relationship counsellor. The counsellor tries a few therapy techniques, but nothing works, it's like talking to two brick walls. Finally, he picks up a bass guitar and starts to play, simple at first, then gradually more and more intricate. T...

A necromancer and a funeral director are at marriage counselling.

Counsellor: So, why are you guys here today?

Funeral Director: β€œHe only wants me for my bodies!”

Good old Irish Granny....

Solicitors should never ask a County Offaly granny a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial in Tullamore recently a small-town prosecuting solicitor called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Murphy, do you know m...

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