I've decided to make a Sharia version of Monopoly.

It's the same basic board, except if you're a woman you're not allowed to own property.

And if any of the other players accuse you of cheating, you're out of the game, no questions asked.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Having anorgasmia feels like playing Monopoly

You never finish.

My girlfriend uses the same strategy in monopoly as she does in our relationship

She just keeps cheating

You can tell Monopoly is an old game...

...because there’s a luxury tax and rich people can go to jail.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sam got thrown out a Strip club for using monopoly money.

Sam's logic - Why I should pay real money to see fake boobs.

If I had a dollar for everytime some one complained about monopoly addiction

I could put a hotel on all my properties.

I’ve been in jail for 5 minutes and I’ve already been beaten twice

I hate playing monopoly with my dad

My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him, and smeared the walls with his own feces.

After that, we never played Monopoly again.

Remember in Monopoly, when some insufferable kids couldn't agree who was banker, they'd refuse to play completely?

Welcome to the shutdown...

My wife found out I was cheating and broke up with me

I didn't know Monopoly was such a big deal for her.

I hate monopoly! My dad always beats me!

Its probably because I always win.

So Hasbro made a Fortnite Monopoly...

But ironically it's for ages 13+.

Did you hear about the guy who has monopoly on the chicken industry?

He's a real chick magnate

I just found a monopoly set without instructions.

What are the chances?

Why did ABBA play monopoly empire?

So that they could take a Chance on ME.

There should be a millennial edition of Monopoly

[Removed]

I was investing in Monopoly games

Until I realized that there is no real money in them

Scrabble, monopoly and cluedo were sitting around the bedroom feeling sorry for themselves

They hadn’t been played with in a long time and were feeling particularly frustrated and listless. They wanted something to do but just didn’t know what to do and so sat there with a mood on, not feeling happy at all.

Human 1 and human 2 came into the room and human 1 picked up monopoly and ...

If all diplomatic issues could be solved with a board game like monopoly, we wouldn't see the current levels violence in the world.

No, they'd be *way* higher.

My nickname in bed is monopoly

Because I take two hours to finish

What does Monopoly and this sub have in common?

Both keep reusing the same ideas and people still buy it.

What is the equivalent of being a model at Instagram?

Being a millionaire in Monopoly.

The weird thing about the game Monopoly

Is that only one company can make it.

I played monopoly once and landed on every spot on the board except for one...

I never stood a chance.

My wife keeps cheating

At monopoly, her boyfriend is pretty good though

There is Deadpool Monopoly, Sea World Monopoly, Simpson’s Monopoly....

It’s like they monopolized the board games industry

I played Monopoly with my family, and I won easily, but it wasn't that fun

I like being mentally challenged

My brother went to jail.

He didn't take it very well. He was yelling insults and attacking everyone, he even threw his feces on the wall.

I don't think we will play Monopoly with him again.

Do you know the Greek version of Monopoly?

It's called Monopoulos and you just borrow all the money from the bank.
Everyone loses.

I was playing Monopoly with a couple of friends and picked the hat piece, winked, and said...

M'nopoly.

I was asked to help design the first Monopoly board...

I thought, I'll give it a Go.

Did you hear that they removed some Monopoly game pieces?

I guess they were thimbles of an older time.

Why did the synagogue ban Monopoly?

Because the fights over who got to be the banker were getting bloody

When I was a kid my older brother dared me to take a bite of a Monopoly board.

It was a little gamey.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wife caught me cheating.

My wife ran out the room last night, she turned and screamed at me, 'And you know what? You've gone too far this time.....we're finished!! You're bankrupt and the way you wander round the streets so aimlessly, it's a suprise you don't one day end up in prison!'' But babe...' I said, taking a step ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW. My cousin took jail really hard.

The moment he got in he started swearing and fighting with everyone and even smeared his own shit all over the walls.

That's the last time we ever played monopoly with him.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was invited to a party full of vegans, but I wasn't there for very long.

We all sat down on the floor. Somebody brought out Monopoly, Frustration, Scrabble, Chess, Risk, Uno, Checkers, Yahtzee, Trivial Pursuit and Connect Four.

Everybody in the room suddenly turned to me. The guy that had brought in all these games said, "So, which one shall we play?"

"Erm,...

My wife found out I was cheating with her sister.

She’s never playing Monopoly with us again.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Topical Jokes for 2/22

Facebook has begun suspending Native Americans’ accounts for not using their "legal names." Native Americans said, "That's okay -- we're used to having things taken away from us."

Mattel is developing a new Barbie that is always connected to the internet. Once you plug the Barbie in, it logs ...

I've been in jail 3 times and filed for bankruptcy

I hate playing Monopoly

My brother took being sent to prison really badly.

He was yelling and screaming, took off his clothes, and would not accept any food from anyone.

That was the last time we played monopoly.

Idea for a board game

BONOPOLY - Similar to Monopoly, but where the streets have no name.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife always cheats when we play board games

Just last night, we were all playing Monopoly in the den and she was next-door fucking the neighbor.

Little Johnny is at Toys R Us...

Little Johnny is at Toys R Us looking for a new toy to buy. He finally finds a toy car he really likes and decides to buy it. He goes up to the cashier to pay for the toy car and offers fake Monopoly money. The cashier says to Little Johnny, "are you dumb? this is not real money." Little Johnny resp...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sent to Jail.

After getting sent to jail, I spent the next hour being held face down over a table and getting violently fucked up the arse.

Sometimes I think my uncle Brian takes Monopoly a bit too seriously...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American and an Irishman order a beer at a bar.

The Irishman pulls out his money to pay and the American notices that the bills are all different colours.
"Who the fuck makes your money, Monopoly?" he asks sarcastically.
The Irishman looks over and responds "Who the fuck makes your beer, Kool Aid?"

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.