UPJOKE
courtjusticelegitimatelawyerstateshariajudicialrulecivil lawprecedentconstitutioncommon lawcourtscanon lawlawful

Legally Jokes

I'm in a room with Trump, Hillary and a gun and I'm allowed to legally shoot one of them. Whoever lives becomes president. Who do I shoot?

Myself.

Didn't that actress from Legally Blonde once eat cereal with a fork?

No wait- she ate Reese With a spoon

I work for a company that legally changes names

A woman named Tina came in the other day and I was really impressed. I'm gonna Mary her

(it's my cake day... take er easy)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A gambler gets a notice from the IRS that he’s being audited.

The gambler calls his tax attorney and they go to see the IRS agent. As they are waiting in the office, the agent looks over his paperwork and says:

“The reason for your audit is that you live such a lavish lifestyle, yet not much income to justify it. Can you tell me what you do for a living...

A blind pilot walks into a plane waving his walking stick

The passengers all look at each other in disbelief. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,

"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the captain is legally blind, but rest assured, he is one of the best pilots in the world with over six thousand successful flights."

Next the co-pi...

Making fun of that British actor Cumberbatch's name is legally required to carry on.

There's Ben an Edict.

[OC] Justin Bieber wanted to go on vacation and not be recognised by anyone, so he totally changed his look. He even legally changed his name:

Justin Case.

Why are women legally obliged to cook for their husbands?

Because by the Geneva convention, all prisoners need to be fed and maintained in dignified conditions.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to court to legally change his name.

Judge: “It says here that you want to change your name. What is your name, young man?”

“Donald J. Shit,” says the man.

Judge: “Well, I can certainly see why you want to change it. What are you hoping to change it to?”

“Larry Shit.”

If two women get legally married, and eventually end up divorced...

Which one gets 3/4s of everything?

BREAKING: American Jazz musician sentenced to 12 months in prison, legally changes name

Felonious Monk will be eligible for parole in 6 months

A friend got his name legally changed from Pert.

I guess he's an expert now.

Why don’t penguins get legally married?

Because they’re animals and have no concept of marriage.

Yesterday, I legally changed my name to "Void"

Today I'm headed to the bank to cash a load of blank checks!

Sometimes, I can't believe that the government has legally let me marry hundreds of women.

And all I had to do was get ordained.

An old joke from my childhood that is sadly relevant again.

**Bert and Ernie had worked together as radio hosts for twenty years.**

They traded jokes, played pop music and generally made people's lives a touch brighter as they trundled to work.

In one of the breaks they received a Fax. Ernie picked up the page and was in shock. Ernie silentl...

The Nintendo 64 turns 18 this week...

Which means you can now legally blow the cartridges.

Legally speaking the Trump proposition of buying the Greenland from Denmark...

is a weird borderline-case.

The Supreme Court may decide a case to allow women to legally go topless in public to be equal to men

So far, over 3 million amicus briefs in favor of the plaintiff have been offered.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In Japan, people are now legally allowed to have 3 maternal guardians.

Here in the states, however, we don't get Mother 3.

Why can't women in Texas legally get tattoos?

It is the code of the west... never draw on a woman.

So Juan, Pablo, and Jose are all attempting to cross the border legally...

A border guard stops when he sees only one of them has the correct papers, and says
'Whoa whoa whoa there can be only Juan!'

I'll see myself out

TIL that nobody living in my country can legally be buried in it.

It may be because they're alive

Never argue with somebody legally blind about spear fighting...

they can hardly see your point.

Did you hear that actress from Legally Blonde was stabbed?

Me: Yeah. She was stabbed in California, in broad day light. The one from legally blonde. Reese....Something.... with-er... um...with-uh... ..ummm...

Friend: Witherspoon?

Me: No. With a knife.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.