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Consensual Jokes

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What do you call some almonds having consensual sex?

Fucking nuts!

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Dick tattoo ideas

Get a thermometer made on your dick
Something funny to say to a girl with whom you're having consensual sex.
Me- Girl you look sick, would you like me to take your temperature?

The medical code of ethics is way too strict. Apparently, I’m not allowed to marry a patient even if we’re in a consensual relationship.

I’m really starting to hate being a veterinarian.

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So I was trying to get some solid advice on consensual sex from a police officer.

Apparently 9/10 police officers stated that if you can't say no, it means yes.

The clorophorm didn't work on the tenth officer.

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A Banana walks into a bar

He sits down and orders an alcoholic beverage. The bartender brings the banana his beverage and the banana begins to drink the beverage. Then a beautiful cucumber enters the bar and sits by the banana. The banana is quite taken by the cucumber. He asks if she’d like to go with him to the bathroom fo...

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I got into a discussion with my coworker today about surnames. How they originated from what people were known for. Smith, shoemaker, etc.

Well my great great great great great great grandfather's name was Horace P. Horsefucker.
He got a bad rap. It was consensual...though the horse said neigh.

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I've had sex with a lot of women...

... and, push come to shove, I'm sure they would all say it was consensual.

Sunday off

Six girls, one guy, sailing a boat in the open ocean. Tragedy strikes, and the boat slowly starts to sink. None of the girls know how to swim and they desperately beg the guy to save them. The brawny guy indeed saves all of them.

They end up in a desert island, and wonder what they will do w...

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I dated a ventriloquist when I was 12.

It was consensual. For a 40 year old, that guy knew what the good candy was. Only problem was, he was a real bullshitter. Always talking out my ass.

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What's the difference between pudding pops and bill Cosbys dick?

It's consensual when people eat pudding pops.

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What kind of sex has Bill O'Reilly never had? [nsfw]

Consensual

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Can we applaud David Spade for not having any allegations of sexual advances?

Consensual ones included.

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I thought I was watching 50 shades of Grey

But I realised it was just a porno. I could tell the difference because they were having consensual sex.

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You're welcome!

Once upon a time, there was a particularly intelligent sperm cell living inside a particularly large blue whale. From the time it was created, the sperm cell studied diligently and learned a great many things. It read the full text of Wikipedia. It learned languages, history, science. It learned the...

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