An oligarch, a theocrat, and two architects of the prison industrial complex walk into a bar...

Sorry, I misplaced my notes. Those are just the choices for the US Presidential election.

I’m an atheist with a god complex

I don’t believe in myself

I have a complex relationship

My girlfriend is imaginary

What's the main similarity between a morgue and an office complex?

Both are good places for a stiff to go.

My friend has the ability to hike the most complex of trails without getting lost.

It’s pathological.

What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?

A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.

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Do you have an Oedipus complex

Because you seem like a real motherfucker

I have a superiority complex

It's the best superiority complex, better than anyone else's believe me.

Sometimes I think I have a superiority complex...

But then I realize I’m better than that.

I have a phobia of over-engineered buildings.

It's a complex complex complex.

On her first day at the senior complex, the new manager addressed all the seniors pointing out some of her rules:

On her first day at the senior complex, the new manager addressed all the seniors pointing out some of her rules:"The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds for all males, and the male dormitory to the females. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."

She...

This really hot chick in my apartment complex told me she wants us to be "friends with benefits".

Does anyone know where I can purchase a group health insurance plan?

The brain is one of the complex things in the universe.

It’s no wonder why so many never learned to use it.

The janitor in my apartment complex asked me if I wanted to smoke some weed with her.

I said no. I can't deal with a high maintenance woman.

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Kim Jong Un was sitting in his office wondering whom to irritate next when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, Mr. Kim!", a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," Kim replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said ...

Did you know that wombats are capable of complex mathematical operations?

They can cube the number 2.

Race is a complex issue

It's not just black and white

What do you call particularly complex stairs?

Stairs with extra steps.

My wife told me you've aged like a fine wine. More complex, more flavoursome, increased sweetness. Overall tastier

But with more body

My relationship with my girlfriend is quite complex.

I'm the real part.

People say I have an inferiority complex.

It's not a good one though.

There's a primate military-industrial complex, you know

They engage in gorilla warfare to preserve the interests of monkey business

I'be always been afraid of over engineered buildings

Is a complex-complex complex

I have a fear of overly intricate buildings.

I have a complex complex complex.

One time my math professor asked everyone in class to write a complex number on their forehead

You could probably imagine the expressions on our faces.

I hate people with superiority complexes...

I’m just so much better than them.

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I can't stand the people I work with. They're all narcissistic and have superiority complexes.

I mean, I know I'm better than all of those assholes.

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John is making love with his wife

John and his wife are living in an apartment complex and they make love pretty regularly. Every night when they do it the wife moans uncontrollably.
One day, John's old neighbor, Peter approaches him.
\-Hey John, uhm, I don't know how to tell you this, but every night when you make love to...

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A horse walks into a bar...

... and the barman says "Why the long face?"
The horse, being a horse and thus unable to speak or comprehend the complexities of conversation, does not reply and shits on the floor.

The Ancient Romans were debating how to count things

Their city state was already hundreds of years old, and their Republic was barrelling down the pathway to Empire: but they still hadn't decided fully how to count things.

The Senate was a blaze of fury as populares and optimates rowed over the proper way to measure and record all things numer...

Complex numbers are all fun and games...

Until someone loses an i. That's when things get real.

I was gonna tell a joke about napoleon complexes...

But it fell short.

A property manager for an apartment complex dies and soon finds himself standing in front of St. Peter.

St. Peter tells him "You have a choice of going to heaven or to hell and I suggest you check them both out before deciding."

So he chooses to check out hell first. He goes down to hell and finds himself in the middle of the biggest party he has ever seen. People are dancing and drinking and ...

It’s only natural that all politicians have a God complex.

They haven’t done anything in ages, they give all the best jobs to their immediate family, and no one really believes in them.

The complex mathematics of the bus driver

Imagine yourself being a bus driver.

At stop number 1, you get 10 passengers.

At stop number 2, you get 3 passengers.

At stop number 3, 4 passengers get off, 2 male 1 female.

At stop number 4, 11 passengers got on.

At stop number 5, 6 passengers get off, 2 kids, 4...

James Charles has just created a large and complex theory regarding the origins of the universe.

*And thats the-sis*

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A joke my dad, who is Polish, tells me all the time so I'm convinced it must be real funny

It is the cold war and there is a global military convention where each military boasts how their army is the best. After a long day of watching each country's army marching with their strongest and most masculine men, the generals sit down in the banquet hall. An American, German, and Soviet genera...

The Complexities of Language

So on the first day of class, a Havard language professor says: "In English double negatives can become positives. But in some languages, like Russian, a double negative stays negative. But there is not one language in which a double positive becomes negative."
Then a student in the back shouts "...

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Never multiply shit with its complex conjugate

cause if you do that's when shit gets real.

A man is sitting inside his apartment, when a cop comes knocking at the door.

The man opens the door for the cop, only to find the cop staring disapprovingly at him.

"Sir" the cop starts " there have been reports about drug usage in this apartment complex. May I come in?"

"I rather you didn't" said the man.

"Listen" said the cop "I could go through the lo...

I was arguing with a friend the other day...

They said 'I thought you said you were a landlord'.

'No,' I replied, 'I said I had a complex'.

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Did you hear the joke about thr guy with the Midas Touch and an Oediupus Complex....

It's pure, motherfucking gold!

I have a God complex

Since I'm able to recognize that, that makes me better than other people with God complexes

The nun told me I have a god complex...

I responded to the bus driver, "It's not that complex. I'm god."

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Heard this one on the sopranos today.

A rich guy and a poor guy have their wedding anniversary on the same day. They meet each other at the shopping complex.
The poor guy asks the rich guy "what'd you get for your wife today?"
The rich guy replies " I got her a diamond ring and a mercedes"
The poor guy asks "Why did you get tw...

I dig, you dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig. That’s not a very complex peom.

But it’s pretty deep.

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a mathematician a riddler and a dumbass were at the gate of heaven

the angel at the gate frowned and apologized to the men "im sorry, but heaven is too full! if you want to come in you will have to trick the devil!" the devil appeared, smiling at the men, "well which one of you want to go to hell first?". after a pause, the mathematician walked up and handed the de...

Why are complex villains always buried 15ft down?

Because deep down, they’re very good people.

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a worm?

One of them is a slimy, loathsome creature incapable of complex thought, the other one actually shows up when it rains.

This happened many years ago when Blackberry phones were still popular

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep yo...

Donald Trump really is America's first complex President

... even his IQ has an imaginary component.

Trust A Fellow Officer

A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial -- it went like this:
Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
Q: Officer, wh...

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A young man moved out from home and into a new apartment complex on his own. He proudly went down to the foyer to put his name on his mailbox.

While he was there, a stunning young blonde came out of the apartment and walked down to the mailboxes, wearing only a bathrobe.

The young man smiled at the woman and she started up a conversation with him.

As they talked......her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had noth...

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Two nuns are remodeling a new complex for the blind.

They are painting and get really hot and decide to take off their habits. A little bit later due to the heat they decide to just get completely naked and paint. Later that afternoon there is a knock on the door, in a panic the nuns ask "who is it?" Man replies "blind guy". They breath a sigh of re...

'Time is certainly a very complex topic in physics, and there are people who believe that time does not actually exist. One common argument they use is that Einstein proved that everything is relative, so time is irrelevant'.

I said boldly to my boss! But he still fired me for being 3 hours late.

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People wonder why I get extremely mad whenever they tell a joke about Oedipus Complexes..

I’m just so TIRED of these *MOTHERFUCKING* jokes!

Cross dressers are like complex films.

They might take more than one viewing to truly understand.

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A young black man finds a genie in a lamp..

A young American black man finds a genie in a lamp. He gives it a rub, and a genie emerges, exclaiming “All behold the most powerful genie!! My might is unparalleled, my power is tremendous, and I shall grant you 3 wishes for freeing me from my prison...”

The black man says “Ok... For my firs...

I have a fear of over complicated industrial facilities

It's a complex complex complex

Pakistani Maths Problems are like really really complex

Abdul has 3 lunch boxes.

He gives one to Rafiq and another to Hassan.

Calculate the radius of the explosion.

The first rule of Condescending Club

is really rather complex and I doubt you would understand it even if I explained it to you with diagrams.

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A guy moves into a new apartment complex and decides to throw a party to meet the neighbours.

He decides the theme of the party is to dress up as a feeling (e.g. red for angry, blue for sad, etc).

The party is going off without a hitch and he hears a knock at the door.

He opens the door to find two Jamacian guys standing there stark naked.

One has his dick...

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An Brazilian, an Argentine and a Colombian gets stranded on an deserted island

They find a lamp and one of them rubs it.
A genie appear ad says:
Look, I have been stuck here for a long time, and I am tired, so I will only give one to each one of you.
C: Colombian; B: Brazilian; A: Argentine; G: genie;

C:I wish to go home.

*He got teleported back to his h...

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A woman ordered a dildo on Amazon and it finally arrived and she couldn't wait to use it.....

It was called The Magic Dildo. The instructions said that all you have to do is say "Magic dildo my vagina" and then it will do its thing.

So she eagerly said "Magic dildo my vagina" and sure enough the dildo floated in the air and flew up her skirt and started giving her pleasure.

I...

Complex numbers are complicated.

Please tell me I’m just imagining things.

The most difficult, complex, confusing, controversial, enraging, emotional, and thought provoking question of the 21st century....

Are you male or female?

How many Mexicans does it take to replace a serviceable part of a complex machine?

Just Juan and Emmanuel.

What is the principle argument for a complex pirate?

Arg!

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They had to shut down the T-Rex cloning program at the Oedipus Complex.

It was on the news this morning. Apparently, the entire staff was eaten by mother-fucking dinosaurs.

My psychiatrist told me my superiority complex turned into a delusion of inferiority.

Great. Now I'm the least of my problems.

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I told my mom that I have an Oedipus complex.

She asked if I was serious. I told her, "Nah, I'm just fucking with you."

Some people tell me I have a superiority complex.

But it's actually pretty simple. They're just too dumb to comprehend it.

A Man Finds a Lamp...

A man is on a walj when he comes across as lamp. He rubs the lamp and a genie comes out.

The genie tells the man he will grant him 3 wishes.

The man thinks long and hard and declares "I want to live a long and healthy life."

The genie immediately scans the man's body, eliminatin...

The anti-phonetic alphabet

I've been making a list for months of words that can be used to deliberately confuse people over the phone when phonetically reading out letters. Some letters like L are tough so I just added funny words to say.

A - aisle

B - bdellium

C - czar

D - Djibouti, Django, djemb...

Do you know how to kill a french person?

Shoot 10 feet above his head and you will hit his superiority complex.

Compared to planes, helicopters are extremely complex, and have to be crafted with inhuman precision...

It's a wonder they ever took off...

What do you call a group of 10 insects that live in a housing complex?

Tenants

Studies show the effects of divorce on young children are complex.

Sadness and anxiety are common, but many are just happy to be single again.

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What's the difference between Hillary Clinton and a robot designed by the Military industrial complex?

I'd fuck the robot.

A man is in court

(Long but worth it)

Judge: "You are accused of beating your wife to death. If you want to expect any mercy, you'll have to give us a damn good reason."
Man: "She was so stupid, I just had to kill her."
Judge: "That is even worse. If you don't want to be declared guilty on the spot, you ...

I don't know why they call it the Oedipus Complex.

Banging your mom seems fairly simple.

My girlfriend is the square root of -100

She's a perfect 10, but imaginary.
Our relationship is complex.

I think I have an infallibility complex

I've never been wrong before.

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