Principles Jokes - 21 Hilarious Principles Jokes

Two electrons were following quantum physics principles, as usual, while exchanging virtual protons to conduct an electric current

One electron said to the other, "This quantum trading stuff sounds like imaginary nonsense; if I can carry meaningful information faster than the speed of light, then I will."

The remaining electron watched his former partner depart into the nether, sighed, then said to his collar microphone,...

I’ve given up social media for the New Year and am trying to make friends outside Facebook while applying the same principles.

Every day, I walk down the street and tell passersby what I’ve eaten, how I feel, what I did the night before, and what I will do tomorrow. Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and me gardening. I also listen to their conversations and tell them I love them.

And it works. I already...

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Why do school Principles always give great blowjobs?

I don’t know, all I know is they are the headmasters

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As a Muslim redditor, I feel disappointed...

That my posts never blows up.

Edit 1: Everyone says that my jokes are the bomb, but still this shit didn't explode.

Edit 2: KA-BOOOM!

Edit 3: For those wondering, I am a Muslim for real and I find this shit funny af so chill out guys, no need to hate on religions, we're at /r/jo...

What do you call an animal that conforms to and follows the principles of the forest?

A-Deer (Adhere)

I'm trying to make friends outside Facebook while applying the same principles...

I walk down the street and tell passers-by what I've eaten, how I feel at the moment, what I did the night before, and what I will do later with whom.
 

I gave them pictures of my family, my dog, and of my gardening, taking things apart in the garage, watering the lawn, standing i...

When I was a kid, I had to quit the marching band based on my religious principles.

I was a real tuba leaver back then.

What do you call a dictatorship founded on the principles of Ethos, Logos & Pathos?

An Aristotalitarian Regime.

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A father got called into his sons school.

He enters the principles office, and takes a seat across the desk. The principle says to the dad, “I’m afraid I’m going to have to inform you about your sons actions today in class. Your son was caught blowing bubbles today in class.”
The father kind of sinks down into his seat. But then he real...

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A girl asked me to have sex with her

I was at the shopping mall yesterday and met this 21-year-old girl who was a laundry detergent promoter. She told me she would have sex with me if I advertised her product to all my friends and contacts.
I was sadly amazed and obviously did not accept her offer because I am much older than her an...

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A boy from the country attended the prestigious university in the city.

With his degree, he got prizes in mathematics and metaphysics. The lad's father came up to the college to see his son graduate.

"Weel, Dr. Thompson" asked the old farmer to a professor, "And what may these mathematics be for which my son has getten a prize?"

"Mathematics is to do with ...

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A girl promised to have sex with me if I would advertise bathroom cleaner on r/jokes

I refused of course because my moral principles are extremely strong.

Just as strong as new Cif multi-action cleaner in the 750ml spray bottle, now available in Original, Lemon Fresh or Forest Pine!

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Teachers didn't have sex with students when I went to school

There were principles for that.

A superintendent got the chance to have a better job, but didn't take it

He didn't want to betray his principles

How would the Church of England deal with the statement that "the cat sat on the mat" if it appeared in the Bible?

The liberal theologians would point out that such a passage did not of course mean that the cat literally sat on the mat. Also, cat and mat had different meanings in those days from today, and anyway, the text should be interpreted according to the customs and practices of the period.

This ...

The Indian chief goes to the white man doctor and asks "Too many papoose! What do?"

The doc gives him a condom, and explains the principles.

A couple of months later, the chief comes back, saying "No good! Right nut go urggh! Left nut go urrgh! Rubber go boom!"

So the doc cuts a few custom "rubbers" out of the fingers of a heavy duty latex glove, saying "Try these...

Three house pets- a golden retriever, a parakeet, and a cat-- all die and go to heaven...

As with all the good animals, God decides to have a personal discussion with each one to see where they will stay in heaven.

God turns to the golden retriever and says "The Book of Life indicates that you have been a very good boy. But tell me, in your own words, what are your ultimate princi...

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A 3rd grade teacher...

Prepares her 9 year olds for a writing class.

Teacher: “class we will be learning how to write without lifting your pencil off the paper!”

Little Johnny: “I know how to do that!”

Teacher: “You know how to write without lifting off the page!”

Little Johnny : “Yes ma’am t...

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A preschooler is asked to write the first sentence every member of his family said.

When he got home he saw his mom on the phone. He asked her to say a sentence. But she yelled "Shut up, I'm on the phone!" So he wrote that down.

He then came into the living room and saw his dad watching a soccer game. The team he was rooting for just scored the winning goal, so he shouted "...

Lebron James is invited to a fishing trip

Lebron James is invited to a fishing trip by the Chinese president Xi Jinping and Putin. He is told that he can bring along another person. So he decides to bring along his high school headmaster. While they’re fishing, Xi Jingping gets bored so he grabs his lunch box and throws it in the water. Put...

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Another set of Jewish mom jokes

Seeing how my first post had a ~~huuuuge~~ kinda moderate success, here's another set.

Because it seems americains are not aware of the jewish mom stereotype, here is a rough translation of the French Wiki :

> The typical traits of the jewish mom include :
>
> * An exces...

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