I must admit, my arch-nemesis did a good job impersonating me...

...Indeed, he was a worthy faux.

An Australian superhero tracks down his arch nemesis...

He camps outside his evil lair to do some reconnaissance before going in. The next day he goes in but gets captured.

Villain: “Did you come here to die?”

Hero: “Nah mate, I came here yesterday.”

When my wife was putting on her makeup, I told her that she had put too much arch in her eyebrows.

She looked surprised.

My 17-year-old daughter and I made up a joke today! Q: Who is the bread God’s arch-enemy?

A: The Anticrust!

Why did the bee fly in a parabolic arch?

Just bee-cos.

Do you know what the arch enemies of skinheads are?

Blackheads.

My ex-best friend used to be really nice to me, but ever since they found out I have flat feet, they've been mean to me and bullying me over it.

They're my arch-enemy now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fishing man catches a golden fish and sets him free

The thankful fish grants the kind man three wishes, but adds that whatever the man wishes for, his arch enemy gets the double amout of it.
"OK, I wish that I had 10 million Dollars!"
"Here we go!" the fish answers. "But your arch enemy has now 20 million Dollars."
"I wish I had 20 female at...

Two chemists walk into a Bar

chemist 1: I’ll have some H2O

chemist 2: I’ll have some H2O also

chemist 2’s arch nemesis disguised as the bartender: [under breath] so close....

A doctor and nurse were having an affair

A doctor and nurse were having an affair, and the nurse got pregnant. Being a little large, and not very bright, she didn't realize she was pregnant until she was very far along. In a panic she went to the doctor and said, "What should we do?"
The doctor came up with a brilliant plan. A priest ...

Why did the two podiatrists hate each other?

They were arch enemies.

One day a Rabbi was chatting with a Catholic Priest when the conversation turned to a discussion of job descriptions and promotion...

..."What do you have to look forward to in way of a promotion in your job?" asked the Rabbi.

      "Well, I'm next in line for the Monsignor's job." replied the Priest.

      "Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi.

      "Well, next I can become Arch-Bishop."...

I just saw someone had set up a little wedding chapel in their front yard.

It had a tasteful little altar, a lattice arch covered in white roses, the whole deal. The only thing I didn't understand was a vertical length of 2x4 lumber, placed in a hole in the ground so it stuck three feet high. Just then, I noticed someone who lived there open the front door and start wal...

A reporter is standing at the edge of a cliff contemplating suicide[Long]

a reporter in a small town is standing on the edge of a cliff contemplating suicide when as he is about to jump a road worker approaches him and asks "Are you going to jump?" The reporter replies "yep, there hasn't been a story in this town for years and I'm tired of it." The road worker thinks for ...

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John hears his old buddy Archie is doing poorly...

...so he decides to drop in on his ol' buddy and pay him a visit. John notices the bandages around Archie's knee, and asks how he's feeling. "Ah, I took a bit of a bad knock, but I can hobble 'round all right. Can't handle the stairs though....would you run up and grab my slippers? My feet are co...

A woman starts dating a doctor...

Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection.

The doctor says to the woman: "I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest...

What do you call competitors of McDonald's?

Arch enemies.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

McTavish The Boat Builder [NSFW][Long]

So one day while on holiday Lee decides to visit a local bar...



While inside he orders a whiskey and while waiting for his drink his eye is caught by a man muttering obscenities a few stools over.

Curious, Lee decides to try his luck and asks what seems to be the problem.
T...

A bridge killed my family...

We're arch enemies now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Seven Dwarfs visit the Vatican to have an audience with the Pope.

The audience is going really well but Dopey keeps pulling on Doc's sleeve. Doc says, "Okay, okay I'll ask him!" He turns to the Pope and says,
"Your eminence, Dopey would like to know if there are any nuns who are dwarfs?"
Well the Pope thinks about it, and he consults with his arch bishop, a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did one bridge say to another?

"Fuck you"

(They were arch enemies)

I need some advice on what could be a life changing decision.

I need some advice on what could be a life changing decision.

I've suspected for some time now that my Mrs has been having an affair. The usual signs. Phone rings, I answer, someone hangs up. She started going out 'with the girls' a lot recently although when I ask which girls it is always ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Great Hospitality

A traveller was driving through countryside when his car broke down. There was a cottage near by so he went up to it and knocked on the door. Sam opened the door.
"My car has conked out," said the traveller, "Where can I spend the night?"
"Why, right here of course!" said Sam, "Come in and a...

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