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Collection Plate Jokes

At church one Sunday, a teenager made a contribution to the collection plate by dropping in a coin from his pocket.

As he passed the plate along, someone behind him tapped him on the shoulder and handed him a $20 note. Impressed by the person's generosity, the teenager added the $20 to the collection plate.

But then he received another tap on his shoulder and heard a whisper, "Son, that was your $20. It fe...

I stopped putting money in the collection plate at church.

*Not once* have I gotten my popcorn.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A local preacher was dissatisfied with the small amount in the collection plates each Sunday.

Someone suggested to him that perhaps he might be able to hypnotize the congregation into giving more.

"And just how would I go about doing that?" he asked. 

"It's very simple. First you turn up the air conditioner so that the auditorium is warmer than usual. Then preach in a monotone...

Chuck Norris, Zelensky, and God all walk into a bar.

The Bartender looks up, "Were were just about to start a new drinking game I've been working on. I call out a bragging point, and each one willing to meet it, chugs their drink. The last man standing due to matching every post and surviving every drink, gets the pot. Everyone else has to split the t...

A minister, a priest, and a rabbi are discussing how they use the money in their collection plates...

The minister says: "I draw a circle on the ground and throw the money in the air and whatever lands inside the circle I keep for myself and whatever lands outside I give to the Lord."

The priest says: "I have a similar process but when I draw my circle and throw my money I keep whatever lands...

A priest, a rabbi and a minister

A priest, a rabbi and a minister are in a bar…

Talk get around to how they handle their respective donations from the collection plates.

“Well,” says the priest, “to be fair, I draw a chalk circle on the floor, and toss all the money in the air. What falls inside the circle goes to the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Old 1930s depression era joke…

What is the difference between a single man, and a divorced man?


A single man is missing buttons on his shirt.
A divorced man has no shirt.




Another depression era joke:

Church Usher: “things are definitely improving for the congregation.”

Minister: “how...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his community.

All went well until he came to one house. It was obvious that someone was home, but no one came to the door even after he knocked several times. Finally, he took out his card, wrote on the back "Revelation 3:20" (Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If any man hear my voice, and opens the door, I ...

He Does What???

One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the Pastor of the Granville Christian Church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again the next week. The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady put the distinctive pink envelope ...

A man goes to church for the first time...

When the service was over, the preacher greeted him at the back doors.

“Preacher, that was a damn fine sermon” the man said.

“Oh my”, said the preacher “we don’t use that kind of language in church”.

“I’m sorry” said the man-“I’m new to church and I’m not really sure what to d...

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A man went to church...

And afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand and say
"Preacher, ill tell you, that was a damned good fine sermon. Damned good."
The preacher said
"Thank you, sir, but Id rather you didn't use that sort of language in the house of the lord."
The man said
"I was so damn impress...

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A Damn Good Sermon

A man finally goes with his wife to church, after promising her for weeks that he'd go. Surprisingly, the man was so impressed with the preacher's sermon he stopped on the way out to shake his hand.

"Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a DAMN fine sermon."

The preacher says, "Why thank...

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So a Bartender, a Priest, and an Anti-Lockdown protester walk into a bar... [LONG]

Ok, not a bar, because the bars are all closed. But I digress. So they walk into... I dunno, Wal-Mart, Whatever. Turns out all three know each other and start talking about the lockdown and how it has been affecting them.

The Bartender started by lamenting the loss of their income and social ...

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A new pastor comes to town

After the service, he stands by the door as everyone walks out. A man walks up and says, " I just want to welcome you to town and tell you that I thought that was one damn fine sermon!" " Thank you" says the pastor, " I just wish you wouldn't use such foul language In the house of our lord" The man ...

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Three married couples, one Jewish, one Irish, and one Greek, all die on the same day..

Three married couples, one Jewish, one Irish, and one Greek, all die on the same day and arrive at the gates of Heaven.
St. Peter asks the Jewish man why he deserves to be in Heaven. He replies, "I've been a pious Jew all my life, I attended synagogue every Saturday, and I raised a lot of money ...

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