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Plates Jokes

My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges dinner plates by the year they were bought.

It’s an extremely rare dish order.

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.

The fairy says “I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else’s job for a day.”

The professor says “I’ll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?” so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the ki...

You shouldn't make fun of fat people.

They've got enough on their plates already.

What do you call two tectonic plates having a fight?

Ground beef

How do tectonic plates greet each other?

They shake lands

I’ve never trusted tectonic plates

They’re too shifty

A society without plates

Would be pure dishtopia

Freddie Mercury had just finished his meal in a Greek restaurant when the waiter came over with a couple of plates for him to smash.

"Can you go and get me another one please?" Asked Freddie.

"Why?" Asked the waiter.

"I want to break three."

Even if tectonic plates aren't dishwasher safe...

I bet they make for a great continental breakfast!

A man goes into a restaurant with his pet snake.

He seats himself at a table, and his snake slithers up onto the seat next to him. Soon, a waitress comes to take his order.

The man declares, "I want 25 hamburgers- two for me and 23 for my pet snake here."

The waitress leaves, and 20 minutes later returns with two plates. On the man's...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Grandfather, are these plates clean?

A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather and while eating the breakfast of eggs and bacon prepared for him, he noticed a film-like substance on his plate. So he says, "Grandfather, are these plates clean?" His grandfather replies, "Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them, so go o...

Are tectonic plates dishwasher safe?

IDK but they're perfect for a continental breakfast.

- that's some faulty humour -




Source:
http://lustyyouth.tumblr.com/post/119359329507/affectionateghostie-maddoraptor-edwrad

Chore time at the house. My daughter was freaking out at the sight of the plates, cups, bowls, et cetera stacked in the sink. I looked at her reassuringly and told her…

Dishes not the time to panic.

Where do bad plates go to after they've broken?

Helsinki

As the result of an accident, a man lost teeth and had to have a partial plate made.

His dentist built a standard dental plate and fitted it into his mouth and it worked just fine.

In three months, the man was back at his dentist. The dentist looked in his mouth, and the plate he had just put in was so deteriorated it was beyond repair.

The dentist was shocked that it ...

What does Isis use to clean its plates?

A Daeshwasher.

Vanity License Plates

I saw a license plate recently that said "MBA MOM" on it.

I don't think that kind of license plate would work for me because all I have is an Associates Degree.

So mine would just say "ASS DAD".

A man calls the police and reports that his girlfriend has gone missing

A male and a female police officer turn up at his house and begin to interview him. The female officer asks the man if he has any theories on where she might be. The man responds with “This is going to sound weird but I think she disappeared into the magic coffee table”
The officers look confused...

Two plates go into a resteraunt

One plate says to the other, " Don't worry I'll pay for the meal." The other plate replies, " No dinner is on me."

My wife just looked at me and pointed to a pea on her plate, she said I found it on the table behind my plate

She said it was an esca-pea

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An undertaker buys 2 vehicles and decides to get custom number plates.

He makes one "HIS" and the other "HEARSE".

So I was reading licence plates...

The first car was from Minnesota, had 6 numbers, and at the bottom said "10,000 Lakes". I thought to myself "They must put the State Slogan there." The next car was from Arkansas, had 6 numbers, and at the bottom, it read "Disabled"

My latest trick is turning big plates into small ones.

It’s saucery.

Why do tectonic plates wear diapers?

Because they're in continents.

How do tectonic plates have fun?

They meet up and crack each other up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A local preacher was dissatisfied with the small amount in the collection plates each Sunday.

Someone suggested to him that perhaps he might be able to hypnotize the congregation into giving more.

"And just how would I go about doing that?" he asked. 

"It's very simple. First you turn up the air conditioner so that the auditorium is warmer than usual. Then preach in a monotone...

Why do tectonic plates keep rubbing each other up without any reason?

They have some dispute over whose fault it is.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Saw a truck with a 12" lift and handicap plates

Didn't realize having a small dick was a vehicular handicap

What do you call a border dispute along tectonic plates that's settled through improv?

Whose Fault Line is it Anyway?

A minister, a priest, and a rabbi are discussing how they use the money in their collection plates...

The minister says: "I draw a circle on the ground and throw the money in the air and whatever lands inside the circle I keep for myself and whatever lands outside I give to the Lord."

The priest says: "I have a similar process but when I draw my circle and throw my money I keep whatever lands...

My friend got a job fastening metal plates together. He hates it.

He says it's not fun or interesting, which I dont understand. I think his job is riveting.

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