UPJOKE
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One day the wall between heaven and hell collapses

People from both sides went to the collapsed wall to see what happened. Apparently nobody knows what happened and both sides claim that it's not their fault hence they don't want to repair it. One guy said "Alright then we have to let the court decide who is gonna rebuild the wall" and everybody agr...

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.

He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”

The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy ...

A man collapses in a busy street.

Someome from the crowd shouts "Somebody call him an ambulance!"

Suddenly, another voice calls out "You're an ambulance!"

A man collapses on the street and wakes up to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic hospital.

As he was recovering, a nun holding a clipboard came into his room and said she was from the billing department and asked how he was going to pay the bill.

The man said, "I don't have health insurance."

The nun asked if he had money in the bank. He shook his head and replied, "I don't....

Do you know what collapses faster than my life?

the Afghanistan government

A nurse, a doctor, and an anti-vaxxer walk into a bar.

A nurse, a doctor, and an anti-vaxxer walk into a bar.

The nurse sits down at the bar and says, "I'll have a Bloody Mary!"

The doctor sits next to her and says, "Give me a rum and coke!"
The anti-vaxver says, "No shots for me."
She then collapses and dies from polio.

When a mine shaft collapses it’s known to make a specific musical tone when the air rushes through the tunnels. What note is it?

A flat miner

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Scotsman,

A Scotsman, on the way home from a heavy drinking session
with his mates, collapses onto a park bench and falls into a
very deep stupor. Some time later 2 girls walk past and on
seeing him debate whether he has anything under his kilt.
They decide to look and discover he’s stark naked....

3 reddit mods walk in a bar.

The bar collapses

A patient collapses minutes after visiting the doctor

Nurse: 'Doctor, Doctor! The man you've just treated collapsed on the front step. What should I do?'

Doctor: 'Turn him around so it looks like he was just arriving!'

An astronaut collapses into his chair after a long day of work inside the space shuttle. He decides to make a cup of coffee.

Unfortunately, the space shuttle seems to be out of milk and so he goes to his companion to ask if he'd seen any.

Astronaut 1: "Hey, I can't find any milk for my coffee."

Astronaut 2: "In space, no-one can. Here, use cream."

What do you call it when a sewer collapses on itself?

Sewercide

A woman just bought an IKEA wardrobe.

She just finishes building it when a bus drives past the window and the dresser collapses to the ground.
She assembles it again, but then another bus drives by and the whole thing collapses again.
Her husband being at work, she calls her neighbour to help her fix this. The neighbour come...

Two hunters are out in the forest when one of them collapses

Two hunters are out in the forest when one of them collapses. The other one calls '911' and the operator answers.

"This is 911, what is your emergency?" she says.

"Uh... My friend is dead I don't know what to do!" the man replies.

"Ok, calm down. Firstly, you gotta make sure he ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy runs away and joins the French Foreign Legion...

...and a couple of squaddies show him around. "Here's where we camp, here's the toilet, and here's the camel for when you get horny."

"What?" the guy says, incredulous.

"Yeah," the squaddies say. "Here there are no women--not even photos are allowed."

"No way am I using that cam...

Harold and David are out hunting when David collapses and stops breathing.

Desperately Harold searches for a pulse but can't find one. He whips out his phone and dials 911 and blurts, 'My friend had just dropped dead! What should I do?' A soothing voice on the other end says, 'OK, OK. Just relax. First, let's make sure he really is dead.' After a brief silence the operator...

Two Hunters Are Hiking Through The Woods When One Of Them Collapses

Two hunters are hiking through the woods when one of them collapses. His eyes are glazed over and he doesn't appear to be breathing.

The other hunter dials 911 with trembling fingers. When the operator answers, he screams, "Please, you've got to help me! I think my friend's had a heart attac...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two hunters are out deep in the woods...

All of a sudden, one of the men grabs his chest, lets out a groan, and collapses motionless to the ground.

The other hunter pulls out his mobile phone in a panic, and dials the emergency line. "We are out hunting, and I think my friend just died!"

"Calm, down," says the operator. "Firs...

The death count nears 50 after scaffolding collapses and crushes fans at a rock music festival...

Eye-witnesses say there was a lot of heavy metal.

The duck hunt

An urbanite goes duck hunting in the countryside. When he sees a duck, he takes aim and shoots. But the bird falls on a farmer's estate, and the farmer does not hand over the prey.

"That's my bird," the urbanite insists on his right. The farmer suggests settling the dispute with a kick ...

World's Funniest Joke

The "world's funniest joke" is a term used by Richard Wiseman of the University of Hertfordshire in 2002 to summarize one of the results of his research. For his experiment, named LaughLab, he created a website where people could rate and submit jokes. Purposes of the research included discovering t...

A woman goes to IKEA to buy a new bedroom closet

She comes home and assembles the closet but as soon as a bus drives by her house, the closet collapses in on itself.

Frustrated she tries again, this time taking care to follow the instructions to the letter. Just as she is finished, another bus drives by her house and the closet collapses ag...

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