UPJOKE

### Do numbers exist? A proof by contradiction.

Step 1) Assume numbers don't exist

....

### Hello and welcome to Contradictions Anonymous.

Piano is my forte.

### A minister is giving a sermon on marital relations and happiness in marriage.

He states that those who have the happiest marriages have very regular conjugal relations. To prove his point he asks those who have such relations several times a week to stand. As they do he sees a smiling group of people. Then he asks who have conjugal relations several times a month and those...

### The three things I hate the most in this world...

...are racists, Chinese people, and contradictions.

### i found a magical lamp, rubbed it and a genie appeared, he said: "i grant you only one wish, use it wisely"

i said "ok,i want unlimited wishes".

then we started arguing with the genie, genie claimed he accepts only one wish and this wish is unacceptable and in contradiction with the original grant.

so i had another wish, i said "i want you to be my slave and do whatever i like".
it was...

### I'm what you would call an anti-social extrovert.

That may sound like a contradiction, but it basically means that being alone makes me what to kill myself and I love it

### Jim Just Started a Class on Logic

On the Friday before the first weekend of the semester, the Professor announces that there will be a quiz the following week, and it will be a surprise. By a "surprise", he clarifies that while he knows when the quiz will be, the students **will not know** which day the quiz will be ahead of time, s...

### A man, his wife and the doctor are in the hospital while the wife gives birth

Husband: are you ok?

Wife: I am ok, I’m really not, this feels great, this is the worst pain of my life

Husband: what does this mean?

Doctor: don’t worry, those are just the contradictions