UPJOKE
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Reconcile Jokes

A couple goes to court to get a divorce

The judge is a big pro-family man and thinks it is a good idea for the couple to stay together for their 3 kids. Maybe they can see past their differences and reconcile. The judge says, "I can let you divorce, and split all your assets. But how can I split up the children? If I give 2 to one parent ...

What did the President say, when he wanted to reconcile with his long-lost friend over the phone?

James Comey.

A man and his wife get into a fight and decide to give each other the silent treatment.

The husband turns out to be a deep sleeper and often relies on his wife to wake him up in time for work.

He realizes he needs her to help wake up, but is unwilling to reconcile differences.
At 8pm, he writes a note saying "Honey, please wake me up at 7 am, I need to get up early for work t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man dies and goes to Hell.

Satan is giving him the tour and explains he has a choice of 3 rooms in which to receive his eternal punishment.

He opens the door to the first room. It's vast and the man sees billions of people all standing on their heads, eating ice-cream. The man is surprised by the ice cream but shudders...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man comes home visibly irritated.

His wife notices and asks if something is wrong.

He shakes his head.

"C'mon. Talk to me" she says.

He takes a moment to steady himself. "It's just that..." he pauses again, and takes a deep breathe. "Well, first of all, last night when you were telling me about your day?"
...

Three car salesmen have a wreck on the way to work

They all arrive at the Pearly Gates and Saint Peter says "Let me ask you a question before admitting you to heaven."

To the first he says "My son, while on Earth did you lead a good life?"
"Oh yes, " says the first man," I had thirty years of marriage to a wonderful woman and I was hones...

Einstein and Newton are in a bar...

...Einstein says to Newton, "I've found mathematically that as an object travels faster and faster, it experiences time lower and is squished in the direction parallel to the velocity, when viewed from a stationary perspective."

Newton replies "Interesting. Well, do go on."

Einstein ex...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] On a midnight train to Georgia...

A man and a woman, total strangers, find themselves sharing the same double bunk-bed passenger cabin on the 10:15 PM Amtrack express to Atlanta due to a mix-up at the ticket office.

It's the middle of winter. There's frost on the window, and the shitty Amtrak maintenance means the heat is ou...

Billy's birthday gift

Little Billy just turned 8. His parents went all out for the party. They rented a bounce house. The cake was three layers. They even hired the best clown in the state. All of Billy's friends from school were there, even some of the older cool kids made it. At the end of the party, when everyone left...

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