The Queen of England is taking a tour of an American hospital when she spots a patient furiously masturbating through an open door.
Her Majesty: "What's going on here? This is absolutely appalling."
Nurse: "Actually, Your Highness, it's for medicinal purposes. This patient has a very serious condition, and if he doesn't orgasm at least once every eight hours, his testicles will swell and cause fatal clotting."
Her ...
I think my heart is trying to kill me.
It's clotting against me.
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