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Pointe Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(Based on a true story): My 6 year old son walked into the family room while I was watching a movie. He points at me and proclaims "You licked a puss!"...

I muted the TV and looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "I'm sorry? What did you say?"

He pointed again and proclaimed "YOU LICKED A PUSS!"

My mind stared racing... "Did we leave the door opened on date night last Saturday?" I then looked behind me and saw a candle burning.

"Son...

I was looking for a sofa to buy, and the salesman pointed to one and said, “This one can seat three people without any problems.”

I said, “Where the hell am I going to find three people without any problems?”

My girlfriend pointed next to her on the bed and said “come here”.

I took a closer look and it was actually just toothpaste.

My mom pointed at a guy across from our house...

...and said, "Stay away from him, he takes drugs."

That's sound advice, I thought to myself. I don't want him taking mine.

I remember my boss once pointed to my desk which was a mess…

He said that a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind. He wasn’t too happy when I pointed out that his desk was empty.

What do most people do instinctively when a gun is pointed at them?

lol

I once saw a carpenter throw a long, pointed tool into another long pointed tool…

Awl in awl, it was a cool experience.

My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder.

"That's my step ladder", he said. "I never knew my real ladder".

I pointed towards two old drunks sitting across the table in the bar

and told my friend "We'll be like that in another 10 years"

He said "That's a mirror you idiot!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw.

So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.

He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his
knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion.

The man o...

Driving down a country road I pointed to a flock of cows...

Son: Herd of cows, dad.

Me: Well of course I've heard of cows, there's a whole flock of them over there!

A robber pointed his gun at a brunette in a dark alley.

He said, "I will give you until the count of 3 to give me your purse. 1...2...3". "Cops!" she screamed, pointing behind him. He looked behind, no one was there and the brunette ran away.

The robber then pointed his gun at a red head and repeated, "I will give you until the count of 3 to give ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I Asked My Wife For The Rake

I was doing yard work after the storm this weekend and my wife was about to take a shower. I realized that I couldn’t find the rake. I yelled up to my wife, “Where’s the rake?”

She couldn’t hear me and she shouted back, “What?”

I pointed to my eye, then I pointed to my knee and made a ...

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