What do Jeffrey Epstein and Christmas lights have in common?

They both get turned on by children.

My dog ate a string of Christmas lights.

The vet was able to remove them.
He said the dog was delighted.

For those of you who are placing Christmas lights / decorations in your garden, can you please avoid anything that has Red or Blue flashing lights together?

Every time I come around the corner, I think it's the police and I have a panic attack.
I have to brake hard, toss my wine out the window, hide the weed, fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, turn my radio down, and push the gun under the seat, all while trying to drive.
It's just ...

I was putting up Christmas lights today.

I was putting up Christmas lights today.

I fell off a 32' extension ladder.





Good thing I was only on the first rung.

I was using a ladder to bring down the christmas lights from my roof when suddenly I fell and got knocked unconscious. I awoke to paramedics surrounding me asking “Sir, did you fall from the roof or the ladder ?”

I said, “Probably the latter”.

My co-workers are like my Christmas lights…

Half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t that bright.

There are 364 days until Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable....

Men are like Christmas lights

We all wish we were hung better.

Why did the computer programmer put up his Christmas lights on Halloween?

He always gets DEC 25 and OCT 31 confused.

A farmer got an idea for how to make money off his farm in the off-season.

He had a huge property all bounded by a big, white fence end to end. Along that fence was an old country road where few people drove.

He decided he would set up a Christmas light display like he'd heard about others doing. It took him some time to gather all the lights necessary, but eventual...

I’m not sure whether putting up Christmas lights would offend my Hindu neighbors.

So to make sure, I hung a giant banner saying “YOU WORSHIP FALSE GODS!” on my window.

This year I'll avoid all the trouble of taking down my Christmas lights...

I'll just turn my house into an Italian restaurant.

Was driving home earlier and I saw all the christmas lights up and I was a little sad because, those lights are expensive, and there are homeless people everywhere.

They'd look so much more festive wearing those lights.

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