UPJOKE
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Homeschooling cancelled in Alabama

Too many students sleeping with their teachers.

Erectile disfunction support group has been cancelled

Nobody could come

If foreigners are upset to have had their visas cancelled...

Why don't they just apply for MasterCards instead?

All flights from John Lennon Airport are cancelled.

Imagine all the people.

Why was the laundromat cancelled on Twitter?

For reminding people to separate whites from colors

Back when the pandemic first hit, I had to tell my suitcase that my travel plans were cancelled.

Since then, I've constantly had to deal with emotional baggage.

Nobody's heard from the Zamboni drivers since the NHL cancelled their season.

I'm sure they'll resurface at some point.

My sign language comedy show got cancelled today

Apparently nobody there had heard of me

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

BBC's Sherlock got cancelled

Shit, no Sherlock.

post malone has cancelled his tour :(

does that make him postpone malone?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

April fools day is cancelled

as no made up prank could match the unbelievable shit going on right now

3:15pm So the hockey season got cancelled in Canada because of the coronavirus

6:30pm Canada is now testing the vaccine for coronavirus

Why was the robot cancelled?

Because it didn't accept non-binary arguments

Why did the pirate get cancelled?

He used the hard "arr!"

***2020 CANCELLED***

After careful consideration, we have decided that it is no longer in the best interests of everyone involved to proceed with 2020.

While we recognize that a lot of hard work has gone into preparing for 2020, if we're honest it has just turned into a bit of a sh*tshow and we feel it best just ...

I heard New years is cancelled in Russia this year.

They got no rockets left.

Cancelled

The seminar “How To Avoid Frauds” is cancelled.

Tickets are non-refundable.

Work got cancelled for two weeks, so I go to the grocery store on the way home.

I’ve seen all the news, lots of Facebook pictures of empty shelves, but I was not prepared for this madness. There’s a line of like five people by the frozen goods aisle, trying to get pizza.

So I decide to go get some ramen. I know it’s not the best, but it keeps forever and I’ve been perfec...

Today I cancelled my subscription to the decade

We've all been through 2020.

It has become clear to me that 2021 is pronounced "2020 won," and that 2022 is pronounced "2020 too."

Christmas is cancelled.

Santa has passed away by natural clauses.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Southwest flight is cancelled...

...and there's a long line waiting for a single agent to reschedule flights when an irate man walks to the front of the line and screams, "I HAVE TO BE ON THIS FLIGHT AND IT HAS TO BE FIRST CLASS!"


"I'm sorry sir but I have to help these other folks first.  I'll be happy to help you if yo...

Why was the leper baseball match cancelled?

People started throwing hands

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear that they cancelled bungee jumping for blind people?

It scared the shit out of the guide dogs.

Did you hear Elizabeth Warren cancelled her campaign?

It wasn't the first race she has had to leave.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The prophecy class is cancelled...

Due to unforeseen circumstances

The coming Pixar movie Trains has been cancelled.

It will be replaced with Buses.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Barbie is cancelled.

In light of the recent events in Korea, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag fact...

April Fool's day has been cancelled due to coronavirus.

Everything you'll hear is true.

I cancelled my doctor's appointment recently

I was disappointed

Trump cancelled his trip to Britain because he doesn’t want to go anywhere he doesn’t feel welcome...

So what’s he still doing in the white house?

Why was Minecraft the movie cancelled?

Because all of the actors wore blockface.

Great news! I got the whole plane to myself!

The large group going to the psychics convention all cancelled at the last minute.

They’re teaching apple juicing down the road from me, but it got cancelled before I could go.

It was a pressing issue.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think it's weird that county fairs are being cancelled.

Don't get me wrong, I think it's a *good* idea, but... I just figured that anyone who isn't afraid to hop onto a 60-year-old rusty roller coaster, that gets disassembled and reassembled 22 times a year by a traveling meth head with an allen wrench, while eating a deep fried stick of butter, wouldn't...

My doctor cancelled my visit today.

I was Disappointed.

Easter has been cancelled....

They found the body.

This weeks hypochondriac meeting has been cancelled

due to sickness

Queen's birthday celebrations are cancelled for the first time.

In 100 years she will remember it and laugh

Did you hear the Reddit Movie got cancelled?

It involved too much post production

Brit: Why is it ‘cancelled’ in the UK but ‘canceled’ in America?

Murican: Coz we gave you that L in 1776

My wife just went into labor and our doula cancelled on us.

I’m having a midwife crisis.

My kid's pediatrician cancelled my appointment because i was 5 minutes late

He has very little patients.

The psychic convention was unexpectedly cancelled.

No one had foreseen this.

I was worried my tightwalking class would be cancelled because of the lockdown

But it's all online now

Why did the Software Engineer reality TV show get cancelled?

People thought it seemed too scripted.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was the spelling bee cancelled?

One of the participants spelled disaster.

I cancelled my gym membership...

Now I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.

The Italian government has cancelled the town of Ferno’s annual fiesta

This year there’ll be no disco in ferno

Why was 'Sausage Wars' cancelled?

It was the wurst TV show ever.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex with me is like a cancelled first date

It's over before it even started.

Donald Trump has cancelled a planned trip to Israel.

When asked why, Trump said, "They already have a wall and fear of Muslims. My work there is done."

Pope Francis has cancelled the Easter events this year due to COVID-19.

I guess he’s just gonna Passover it this year.

Due to the corona virus my wedding planned for the 8th of May got cancelled

The good news is that this will give me some time to find someone to marry

In order to support social distancing, the National Association for Celebacy has cancelled its March meeting.

Please share this message. They want to make sure nobody comes.

Why was the leper hockey game cancelled?

There was a face off in the corner

With so many sporting events being delayed or cancelled, one sports TV outlet decided to televise the 'World Origami Championships'

It's on paperview

What are the chances of my Ryanair flight being cancelled this Christmas?

Sky high.



\- I hate myself too

It's a shame that Samsung cancelled production of the Note 7...

but at least they went out with a bang.

Today's performance of Hamilton in Chicago was cancelled due to the cold.

Once again, Brrr killed Hamilton.

I just cancelled my gym membership

It wasn't working out.

Why was the poker game at the zoo cancelled?

Some believed that there was a cheetah among them.

TIL after his show on Netflix was cancelled, Jon Bernthal was forced to take a job as a doorman in a theatre who would occasionally warm up the audience with dad jokes

He became widely known as the pun usher.

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