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The Pope contracts a rare terminal illness.

The best specialists were quietly called in from around the world for consultation. After much debate and research, they determined that the only hope to save the Pope's life was for him to have sexual relations with a woman. His advisors were notified and they in turn spoke in confidence with the p...

A horse in a barn was listening to some rock and roll on the radio...

And he was inspired. The guitarist was masterful, and the horse knew, then and there, that he needed to play guitar. More than anything he'd ever needed before.

So he calls up his buddy, who is a guitar teacher, and asks his buddy to help him learn guitar. The horse takes to it quickly and p...

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A man goes to a $10 sex worker and contracts crabs.

When he goes back to complain, the sex worker laughs and says, "What do you expect for ten dollars? Lobster?"

Kurdish cunieform tablets

In ancient Kurdistan, they didn’t have the material to make the cuneiform tablets they did down by the rivers in the Fertile Crescent, so they had to carve important documents into stone tablets.

That included contracts and treaties. There could be multiple “signatories.” For an invoice, for ...

Prince Charles contracts Corona Virus

All part of the coronation process

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Poets are like terms of service contracts

They use many words and elaborate eloquent language to describe how they are going to fuck you.

Did you hear about the contracts the Indian restaurant made their employees sign?

They were naan-disclosure agreements

What do you call it when your back spasms from carrying around all the money you made on contracts to detain potential immigrants?

A compensation cramp.

My law firm specializes in grain futures contracts.

Barley Legal

You can never find loopholes in contracts with spacecrafts.

They're always airtight.

How government contracts work...

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in DC:One is from New York , another is from Tennessee and the third, is from
Florida . All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The Florida contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measur...

A lawyer contracts a cold for two hours. What does he have?

A brief case.

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