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The Pope contracts a rare terminal illness.

The best specialists were quietly called in from around the world for consultation.After much debate and research they determined that the only hope to save the Pope's life was for him to have sexual relations with a woman. His advisors were notified and they in turn spoke in confidence with the pop...

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A man goes to a $10 sex worker and contracts crabs.

When he goes back to complain, the sex worker laughs and says, "What do you expect for ten dollars? Lobster?"

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What do Brazzers pornstars and married couples have in common?

They both sign sexclusivity contracts

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Poets are like terms of service contracts

They use many words and elaborate eloquent language to describe how they are going to fuck you.

Prince Charles contracts Corona Virus

All part of the coronation process

Did you hear about the contracts the Indian restaurant made their employees sign?

They were naan-disclosure agreements

In an alternate reality, bears speak and coexist with humans.

A prominent electrician (who happened to be a bear) employed several humans for various positions within his company. Some were in customer service, handling the phones. Others were on-site technicians who drove around town from job to job. One human, Mike, was hired to do two different jobs inside ...

What do you call it when your back spasms from carrying around all the money you made on contracts to detain potential immigrants?

A compensation cramp.

My law firm specializes in grain futures contracts.

Barley Legal

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