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Bros Jokes

So these finance bros are telling me “buy the dip”…

I don’t see ranch on sale.

Was hoping to buy one, get horseradish free.

Personally, I don't believe in bros before hoes, or hoes before bros.

There needs to be a balance.
A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.

Bros v. Hoes

A woman doesn't come home one night. The next day she tells her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house.
The husband calls his wife's 10 best friends. None of them know anything about it.

A man doesn’t come home one night. The next day he tells his wife that he had slept ...

Two bros were chillin’ at a table together…

One bro says to the other bro: “Bro, can you hand me that pamphlet?”

Bro 2: What did you say, bro?

Bro 1: Bro, can you hand me that pamphlet??

Bro 2: Hand you the what, bro?

Bro 1: Bro! The Phamphlet!

Bro 2: Brochure

How many bros does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them. Because bros stick together.

Did you know that the Mario Bros have a sister?

It's Amy Mario!

Two polar bear bros are chilling out on Greenland

They are getting a bit bored. But then suddenly one of them have an idea:

Polar bear 1 flicks the ear of Polar bear 2 and runs away while yelling: "you're too slow, you can't catch me!"

Polar bear 2 gets annoyed and starts running after Polar bear 1.

Polar bear 1 keeps running a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just bros being bros...

A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are sitting in a park, when suddenly they see a cat passing by.

Zoophile: "Let's fuck the cat."

Sadist: "Let's fuck the cat and then torture it!"

Murderer: "Let's fuck the cat, torture it and then kill ...

Bench Bros...

Two guys are in the gym working on their bench pressing when a busty coed comes up to the rack next to them and begins to do her workout. One guy turns to his spotter and says "hey you think that's a push up bra?" And his spotter says "nah brah, that's a squat"

what is the one rule that a gang of vegan bros live by?

Leaf before beef

If Cersei Lannister was a video game,

She'd be Smash Bros.

Gonna go to a morning showing of The Super Mario Bros. Movie when it comes out.

Call that a Charles Matinee.

I wanted to revisit my childhood, so I got out Super Mario Bros. and started playing

But soon I realized, no matter how much you try, you can't go back.

Warner Bros should create a Harry Potter spinoff series based on the life of Hermione Granger.

They should name it Granger Things.

Some say bros before hoes...

While some say bros before hoes, and some say hoes before bros, I believe there should be a balance; a homie-hoe-stasis if you will.

*this isn’t my joke but I was thinking of it today so I thought I’d share*

If you’re going to make fun of Crytpo Bros today make sure to use cheap shots.

That’s all they can afford.

Jeffery Epstein would’ve loved Steve in Smash Bros

He really liked miners

Why was minecraft steve chosen to be added to super smash bros?

Because Sakurai heard that smash players were attracted to miners

Why can't Stevie Wonder see any of his bros?

He's married.

Why won't Russia allow entry for The Fine Bros?

They've had problems with reactors before

Two Bros, chillin' in a hot tub! 5 feet apart cause they're....

...following the guidelines of social distancing in regards of the recent coronavirus outbreak.

Two bros were chatting it up at the gym between sets.

1: hey bro, you won’t believe it.
2: what, bro?
1: someone stole all my protein powder
2: no whey!

Why did the "Ringling Bros." Circus finally go out of business?

They couldn't compete with the circus in Washington DC any longer.

How many bros does it take to change a lightbulb?

Zero, it's already lit fam!

What kind of jeans do the Mario Bros wear?

Denim, denim, denim. Denim, denim, denim.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] 2 Bros sitting in a nightclub

One of them is looking kind of dejected.

"What's wrong man?" Says his friend.

"Man, I've been shot down 5 times already tonight. I swear I just don't know how to talk to women. I get all nervous and my words don't come out right."

His buddy remembers it's been raining that day ...

What do they call the Bernie Bros now that hes lost the nomination?

Back to being plain ol' BernOuts

How do Super Smash Bros characters talk to the dead?

Waluigi board



Get bamboozled

TL;DR The fine bros

me: i'm allergic to peanuts

fine bros: is that an allergic reaction?

me: yes

fine bros: see you in court

I failed my chemistry lab exam.

I was in the middle of performing a chemical reaction but I got sued by the Fine Bros.

Smash Bros Ultimate sold just over 5 million copies in USA.

Didn't knew so many people live in Alabama.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple of bros go out for a weekend of partying before exams

Their original plan was to spend the saturday partying and then spend sunday studying, but they got so caught up in the fun the spent the entire weekend. Skip ahead to monday, the bros woke up late and hungover, and realizing they're late for their exam they rush to class.

When the professor ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did I say when my bros asked me about losing my virginity?

I don't remember. It happened so fast.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two bros are talking after an awesome party...

Bro 1: "Bro, you won't believe how crazy my night was!"

Bro 2: "Bro, it can't be crazier than mine."

Bro 1: "I got totally shit-faced and stumbled into one of the bedrooms to pass out on the bed. When I got there, this chick was already there, completely blacked out."

Bro 2: "Br...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dad and his son are getting competitive while playing Smash Bros.

The dad says: "I fucked your mom!"

To which the son replies instantly: "Yeah, well I've been deeper inside her than you'll ever be!"

Why couldn't Diablo get his bros out of jail?

He couldn't pay for Baal

Yesterday, I tried to relive the 80s and play some Super Mario Bros. When they say you can never go back, turns out it's true.

Mario just stops at the edge of the screen.

Why isn't Sean Connery allowed to play Super Mario Bros. any more?

He kept trying to shave the princess.

Argon walks into a bar

The bartender looks up and says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve noble gases here."

Argon doesn't react because reacting has been copyrighted by The Fine Bros since 2016.

Did you hear about the two bros who travelled around the world while high?

It was a joint venture.

Super Smash Bros. is a good example of how NOT to do minority representation in video games

The only black character is incredibly two-dimensional

MRW when I heard about the Super Fine Bros. thing that's going on.

[deleted for trademark infringement]

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

New company mergers

(I marked it NSFW because of the last one - not sure if it's considered NSFW, so just to be safe...)

For all of you with any money, be aware of these expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks. Watch for these consolidations:

1. Hale Business S...

What did the bank say to the government

Bank: Hey government. I need money to pay my workers or we're gonna go out of business.

Government: Hey bank. Sure. I remember you from Harvard, how are you doing?

Bank: Doing great, actually! I remember you too. Frat bros for life. Thanks for the cash.

Government: Frat bros for...

What do you call two men who bang the same chick?

Smash bros

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bros, friends, amigos... If she gives you this for her address, just go ahead and move on. Toss that cocktail napkin away. Move on. THere's other fish in the sea. (feel free to add to the list)

• Drinkand Dr.

• Vicious Circle

• West 943,185th Street

• Psycho Path

• Peoples Ct.

• Nofriggin Way

what do you call 2 brothers from alabama

super smash bros



(i thought of this joke last week, i know its not that good, but at least i didnt steal it)

Why does Santa spend 364 days a year forming strong masculine relationships?

Bros before hos

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was doing some gardening when my friend asked me to go out and have a drink with him. I said no cause I was gardening. He said 'Come on

*BROS BEFORE HOES*

It's a shit joke ik dont bully me

What do you call an airplane that flies backwards?

a receeding airline.... bada boom! The little bros joke book is pure gold haha

Why do fireman take out the people from building before they put the fire out by water?

Because bros before hose.

My friend has a foot fetish and his crush asked him out last night

She told him to meet her on Sunday but he already had plans with me and some friends

He decided to come with us and told us”you know I wouldn’t ditch you, bros before toes!”

Why did the fire fighter go in to save his friend first, and then fight the fire?

Because... bros before hose!!! Wubbulubbadub-dub!

What do you call two cigarettes in a shopping plaza?

Mall bros

I played a cool video game with some really hammered dudes,

We were Super Smashed Bros.

'I beat my kids"

"In smash bros."

Luigi invites Mario over to play some Nintendo Switch...

...as they get ready to fire up some Smash Bros. Mario notices Luigi has a new avatar.

Mario asks, "Say, Luigi, what kind picture is that?"

Luigi says... "It's a Mii, Mario."

The game in the first episode of the new season of black mirror wasn't going to be called striking vipers

They wanted to call it Smash Bros but it was already taken

I beat my wife everyday

Sometimes she screams so loud that I'm worried the neighbors would hear us. She constantly cries, begging me to stop. I know it’s not a nice thing to do. I just get so much satisfaction from her suffering. But tell me, should I just let her win a game of Super Smash Bros for once?

A man once told his wife that he believed that the world was flat

And she asked why, to which he replied “Honey, you *are* my world.”

What do you call two skeletons watching each other's back?

verteBros

The Difference Between Starkiller Base and The Death Star

Starkiller base doesn't have a reactor core because it is a copyright of the fine bros.

Celebrating Good Friday by honoring Jesus

aka doing the same thing he did today and hanging with my Bros.

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