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Ide Jokes

3/15 is The Ides of March. Do you know what time it officially starts?

“At two”

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If ya love Shakespeare then ya love a groaner. Enjoy!

For the Ides of March...

Caesar walks into a bar, and tells the bartender "I'll have a martinus."

The bartender says "Don't you mean a martini, sire?"

Caesar scowls, and says "If I wanted a double I would have said so!"

I have no ides what's Nihilism

It means nothing to me

Celebrate the Ides of March with a donut. In fact...

Eat two, Brute.

With the ides of March around the corner

Remember to stab your salad 23 times

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

went to meet my girlfirend's grandma

Due to my girlfriend's insistence I went to meet her grandma. A fairly old lady she had loads of fun stories and one of them was recent.

Gf's Grandma: I went to get a tattoo.

Me (surprised): oh, nice. Did you get it? And where?

Gf's Grandma: yes, I got it on my upper thigh.
<...

Why was the Chickpea in Prison?

He committed Hummus-ide

What's the difference between women, and an exotic sports car?

I've been inside exotic sports cars...... :(

Have you guys heard about the police investigation into the death of a chickpea?

It was a hummus-ide.

Today I had a second helping of hummus.

I was arrested for double hummus-ide.

The assassination of Julius Caesar

Caesar was famously killed on the Ides of March, but he wasn't expecting the attack until August 2. His final words embodied his dismay over the scheduling confusion:

"8/2, Brute..."

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?

A: No idee-er. (idea)

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

A: Still no idee-er.

Beware the SATA of March

Much faster than the IDEs

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