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Homie Jokes

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Gay people have no excuse to have a bad fashion sense

Like homie what were you doing in the closet that whole time

What do you call it when you and your homie help eachother both bust a nut?

Cummunism

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To all my circumsized homies

Where da hood at?

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Next time your homie is holding a grudge tell him:

You need to take a chillaxative & let that shit go

Personally, I don't believe in bros before hoes, or hoes before bros.

There needs to be a balance.
A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.

What is it called when you kill your best friends?

Homie-cide

My homie invited me to watch a drag race.

I showed up to the track wearing a blonde wig and running shoes and realized I grossly misunderstood what he meant.

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My teacher said "Nathan! Turn in your essay!"

I replied, "fuck that, I ain't telling u nothin! Ain't no way I'm lettin my homie go down like that!"

A Homie who pays all the bills.

PayPal

Homie: Do you know how to write "s" in morse code?

Me: ...

What do you call a parallelogram that's also your homie?

What do you call a parallelogram that's also your homie?
A parallelofam

If a homie kills another homie

It's a homiecide?

Misleading website.

Just like to warn my homies about a site that I stumbled across. I wasted thousands of $ and hundreds of hours of my time viewing page after page and I couldn't find one single air circulation device for sale, which is strange because according to the title of the website it should have had literall...

What do you call it when someone murders their friend?

Homie cide

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Two homies from Oakland decide to go on a road trip, without a destination...

As Tyrrell is loading the trunk with booze, weed, and all sorts of ill shit, Jerome is loading himself up with all sorts of bling. They jump in the low riding Cutlass and hit the road.

A few days of mindless driving goes by, Tyrrell asks Jerome: "Ay bruh, where we at?" Jerome responds: "Sheee...

Why do the homies call their friend Paragraph?

Because he's too short to be an essay

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Of Ted

Me, Ted and the rest of the homies would meet every week no matter what and game at each other's house.

However as the weeks passed by, Ted became less excited about these sessions. It turned out that he had gotten himself hooked to smoking. It got so bad to the point whereby he even made ex...

Writing a book about a friend that lives with otters by the water

Going to call it "homies otter sea"

Regardless of skin color, nationality, or religion, as a species, we are all meant to be friends and brothers

After all, we are *homie sapiens*

Why are they called homies?

Because the homie’s where the heart is.

My homeboy Nick L. keeps borrowing money from my other homie Deion but I can't keep watching it happen...

I'm too old to watch Nick L. owe Deion.

Words of encouragement for all my paranoid homies out there

*Whispering* you are not alone

I made a comprehensive list of the things that Homie the Clown don't play.

1. That

Why do the Mexican homies on the States always have one shoe lace untied?

Because in the sole of their shoes it says Taiwan

Everyone’s saying “Bros before hoes”...

But if you ask me, I’d say you need a balance,

A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.

What is the most popular flavour of pizza in the hood during a drive-by?

Peppered homie

As I got home drunk...

... at 2AM, my wife refused to let me in, but luckily my best friend opened the door for me.
So happy to have homie like him.

What are a gang member's favorite alternative medicine?

Homie-opathy

What do you call a stable black Irishman?

Homie O'Stasis

What did one stoner noodle say to the other?

Pasta blunt homie.

A catholic priest was praying Saint Anne.

The devil appears: ”Whazzzzup homie, why you pronounce my name so funny?”

What do you call a friend who sounds exactly like you?

A homie-nym.

As a guy, I find it strange that I don't have any male friends

Whenever I get close to a guy, he says "no homie"

What did the first apes say when you asked them a question?

Homie no idea. (Hominoidea)

I killed my best friend last night

I’m in court right now facing charges of homie-cide

Why do cells grow in groups?

The have to mantain homie-ostasis

What would you call Macaulay Culkin if he was black?

Homie alone

What do you call an Irish gangster that all living systems strive for? (X /r/ScienceJokes)

Homie O'Stasis.

What do you get when you cross a Mexican cholo and an ill tempered Irishman?

... a surprisingly stable person; according to my Homie O'Statis.

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After a date at the bars, a girl invites her date home...

Once home, she decides to try to lighten the mood and send some signals.

She also remembers him mentioning that he likes jokes so she asks, "How is a warm cabin, a short gangster and a horny girl the same yet different?"

*Her date shrugs*

"One's a little homey, the other's a l...

New Mexican word for today: Brief

Today, my homie farted so hard, I could barely brief

Just a Little too Much, I'd say....

An iguana is walking through the jungle and stops when he smells weed being smoked. He looks up and sees a monkey smoking a joint. Iguana says, "Hey monkey can I join you? I'm having a bad day."

Monkey tells him yes and he climbed up and joined the monkey. Halfway through the monkey asks the...

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If Herodotus was a vlogger

It's ya boi Herodotus back atch ya with another travlog!

So, I was in Delphi, and man, they be real mad with em Spartans.

Not taking sides, just my 2 Drachmae. Maybe my Athenian homies should've toned down their backstabbing a little bit, so that those Spartan hunks didn't have to canc...

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A man driving down the road sees a sign that says "Apples $5."

He's kinda hungry so he pulls over and says he will take a dozen. The guy working the stand says "That'll be $60" "Whoah" says the buyer, "Your apples are $5 Each?!" "Yepp, because my apples taste like peanut butter and jelly. Here, try one!" Says the seller. So the man takes a bite and to his surpr...

When I was in the military we used to have comedy night, where everyone would sit and take turns telling jokes.

We didn't know many jokes however, so we made a list of all the jokes we knew, each joke had a number. For example, the "Everyone knows Dave" joke was number 10, the "Two priests in a bathtub" joke was number 15, and so on.

We always told the same jokes so we eventually memorized the whole li...

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3 Nuns [Long]

Three nuns were kicking around the convent one day, doing nun things such as praising the lord and disapproving of pop music when one nun said

"RIGHT. I'm sick of being a nun, I want to quit" the other two nuns agreed, being a nun is rubbish, and skipped off singing to Mother Superiors offic...

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A little lizard is walking along a tree branch...

Something wonderful hit his nostrils. It was unlike anything he had ever smelled before. He followed the scent to another branch where he saw his friend, the Koala Bear, smoking the fattest joint he had ever seen.

"Damn, K-Bear, that's the dankest weed I've ever smelled!" said the lizard....

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