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Guy dies and enters Heaven. Upon opening his eyes, he sees thousands of clocks on the walls. Also noticed that the minute and hour hands on each clock are turning at different speeds....some slow and some faster. Guy asks St Peter what the clocks mean.....[NSFW]

St Peter explains that every time you masturbated, the clock would turn one complete rotation. Guy asks where his clock is. St Peter replies, “we use your clock as a bathroom fan.”

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A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, “What is this, Father?”

The father, never having seen an elevator, responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.”

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the movin...

What do you call an Irish child that is bouncing off the walls?

Rick O'Shay

How do you get out of a room with impossibly high walls id all you have is a peice of wood?

First you rub the wood on your arm to create a sore. Then you use the saw to cut the wood in half. You stick the wood together again to get a whole. And you crawl out of the hole to freedom!

Scientists have discovered a way to walk through walls....

It's called a door.

What invention allows us to see through walls?

Windows!

Architects call a layer of bricks a wythe. After the Great Fire of London, where thousands of wooden buildings were destroyed, King Henry VIII passed a law that the walls of all new buildings must be made of at least six layers of brick.

This is known as the six wythes of Henry the Eighth.

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The FBI are looking to recruit an assassin...

The FBI had an opening for an assassin.
After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; Two women and a man.
For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the women to a large metal door and handed her a gun.
'We must know that you will follow yo...

A buddist monk walls up to a hot dog vendor...

Vendor: "And what would you like?"
Monk: "Make me one with everything."

A businessman went into the office and found an inexperienced handyman painting the walls.

The handyman was wearing two heavy parkas on a hot summer day.

Thinking this was a little strange, the businessman asked the handyman why he was wearing the parkas on such a hot day.

The handyman showed him the instructions on the can of paint. They read: “For best results, put on two ...

Deadpool sends a sms to Wolverine.

Deadpool: Is that chick who can walk through walls still around?

Wolverine: Kitty? She's kinda dead right now.

D: Damn. What about the blue guy that at teleports?

W: Kurt's dead too.


D: How about Jean? She moves stuff with her mind right?



W: You loc...

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Jebediah the shepherd wanted to make a statement about bullying and stood up at the town meeting.

"Friends, there is a cruel and unfair practice that is infiltrating our community. You may not have noticed, but it is here and it is doing grave damage to my sense of well being and comfort in our beautiful village.

Perhaps Englebert has noticed? The man who bakes our bread every day, who f...

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What do you call someone who smears their poop on the walls?

A shartist.

There was a blind irishman who didn't use a stick, he navigated by simply bouncing off the walls until he got where he needed.

They called him Rick O'Shea

An Irishman walls into a bar in Dublin..

orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells him, “You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it, and it would taste better if you...

My son had a bad habit of drawing everywhere. First he started vandalising his toys, then the newspapers and eventually the furniture. But when he drew on the walls I had to stop him.

Because that's where I draw the line

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