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Walls Jokes

LPT Request: My 2 year old son drew in permanent marker all over the walls

So I took a shower earlier today and left my 2 year old son in the living room with the TV on thinking he would be ok. I come out 20 minutes later and he covered the entire living room in green permanent marker that he somehow got a hold of. As you can imagine, I flipped out and immediately ran to...

My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him, and smeared the walls with his own feces.

After that, we never played Monopoly again.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Amish girl and her mother were visiting a mall and they were especially amazed by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again with a room inside.

The girl asked, “Mother, what is this?”

The mother, never having seen an elevator before, responded, “I have no idea."

While the girl and her mother watched with amazement, an old man in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button.

After he got in, the wall...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Walls of youth

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father took an outing to a shopping mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, 'What is this Father?'

The father responded, 'S...

Guys, I just figured out how to walk thorough walls!

Doors

Why do cemeteries have walls around them?

because people are dying to get in

An Irishman walls into a bar in Dublin..

orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells him, “You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it, and it would taste better if you...

Did you hear about the house with walls made out of bottles?

The door was ajar.

Mother Superior gathers all 100 nuns in the chapel.

"I'm afraid we have some bad news," the Mother Superior says. "It appears one of you has been sneaking out and sinning behind the chapel walls."

99 nuns gasp, 1 nun giggles.

"We know this because we found a used condom just outside the gates."

99 nuns gasp, 1 nun giggles.
...

My friend covered their walls with whiteboard paint

I’ve never seen something so remarkable

The sound from a musician on stage bounces off the auditorium walls to surround the audience.

But the sound from a pigeon doesn't do that.

That's because a coo sticks.

What do you call a Irish man bouncing off the walls?

Rick O Shea

Why can't Madonna walk through walls?

Because we're living in a material world and she's a material girl.

A husband and wife are having all the walls in their house painted.

The morning after their bedroom is painted, the husband gets up and gets dressed to go to work. But he accidentally presses his hand against the wall, leaving a handprint.

When the wife wakes up, she sees the handprint. Since the bedroom was painted just yesterday, she realizes that her husba...

It's my cake day today, so I'll give you one of my favourite jokes.

What do you call an Irish man bouncing off the walls?


Rick O Shea

Walls After Paint

Person: *invents paint*

Wall: Hey whatcha got there?

Person: I'm gonna try this on you okay?

Wall: Sure!

Person: *paints wall*

Wall: Hey Jim, you there? JIM! ... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

A buddist monk walls up to a hot dog vendor...

Vendor: "And what would you like?"
Monk: "Make me one with everything."

Scientists have discovered a way to walk through walls....

It's called a door.

A businessman went into the office and found an inexperienced handyman painting the walls.

The handyman was wearing two heavy parkas on a hot summer day.

Thinking this was a little strange, the businessman asked the handyman why he was wearing the parkas on such a hot day.

The handyman showed him the instructions on the can of paint. They read: “For best results, put on two ...

What two walls are saying to each other?

We meet at the corner

I dont like the floor or the walls.

Because im a ceiling fan.

It's normal to talk to pets, mirrors and walls.

It's normal to talk to pets, mirrors and walls during the quarantine. Just inform your psychiatrist if they talk back.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Irish man bursts into a bar and demands a beer. He pounds it and slams it back and demands another. The bartender asks what's wrong?

The Irish man angrily slams the second beer and says, "You know, you build 100 roads for the community. But do they call you Seamus the road builder? No!"

He orders another beer and slams it back. "You build 1000 walls for the villages. But do they call you Seamus the wall builder? No!"
...

the stranded woman and the kind indian

A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes...

The walls of my apartment are so thin.

I asked my wife a question and got four different answers.

Windows might be better than Walls.

But we won't know until Bill Gates become President

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Instead of building walls we should be building bridges...

to Canada. Let them deal with this shit.

I Punch Women Like I Punch Walls

I don't. Because it's a really bad idea... I always end up injured.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call someone who smears their poop on the walls?

A shartist.

Why did Sauron start knocking down walls in his house?

Because he wanted more doors.

What room has no walls, no floor and no ceiling ?

A mushroom.

(waiting for JokeExplainBot to explain it)

I put up a hammock between two walls in my house

It really ties the room together

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