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Breastfed Jokes

I was breastfed until 3

But enough about my day, how was yours?

I fondly look back at when I was breastfed...

Thanks for the mammaries

How do you know when a child is too old to be breastfed?

When he says "Next time wear something nice."

mom's at the bar

A guy walks into a bar and takes the only empty seat next to a group of chattering young mothers on a mommy's day out. As the evening goes on he can't help but overhear their conversations, and finally he has to join in. "I was breastfed until 3," he tells the group. Their chatter stops and they all...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three Irish triplets walk into a bar

Three Irish triplets walk into a bar named Patty, Mick & Tat. Tat makes his way to the bathroom leaving Patty and Mick to order the first round. Mick asks the bartender for 3 pints of Guinness, and whilst he’s pouring he inquisitively asks “are you three triplets?”

“Yes we are” answers Mi...

I was so ugly as a baby

That when my mother breastfed me, she used to close her eyes and think of other babies.

A man and his ex-wife are in court to fight over the custody of their 2 year old son.

Judge: Mrs. Jones, why do you think you should have custody of your son?

Woman: Your honor, I had to go through extreme pain to gave birth to my son and I breastfed him by myself for 24 months!

Judge: What about you sir? What do you reply to that?

Man: Your honor I only have one...

I was on the train this morning...

I was on the train this morning and I sat next to a woman with a newborn baby. She asked if I minded if she breastfed, and I said, "No, just don't suck my nipple to hard."

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