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Border Control Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman goes through border control on her bicycle with two panniers filled with sand.

The border guard was suspicious about it and searched through the sand, but couldn’t find anything hidden, so he had to let her through.

The next day, the same woman passes by, again riding a bike with two bags brimming with bright sand. The guard was still unable to find anything. He felt so...

At the border controls between the US and Mexico two U.S. border agents discover a hanged suicide on a tree just before closing time.

"If we report this, we won't be home in four hours," says one.

"You know what?" says the other, "we'll just hang him over to the Mexicans and call it a day!" No sooner said than done.

A short time later, two Mexican border guards come by. One of them says in amazement, "Now he's hang...

A German tourist comes to France

...a border control asks him

"Occupation?"

German: No just visiting.

A German traveling to Poland stops at a Polish Border Security Point.

Polish Border Control Officer: "Nationality?" German: "German" Polish Boder Control Officer: "Occupation?" German: "No, just visiting"

Polish biker

During the times of the cold war and the iron curtain, a Pole with a bike and a bag full of sand was crossing the border to east Germany. At the border control point the guard said:

\-Sir we need to search your bag for any smuggled goods.

They went through the bag and found nothing but...

A Mexican attempts to pass the border

A border control officer catches them and says, "Papers."

The Mexican replied, "Scissors."

The border control officer replied,"Dammit! Well, you're free to go!"

Me and the wife love Skunks and decided to smuggle one home but had to get past border control, the wife says how we going to do this? I said put it down your panties, she said what about the smell?

I said, well if it dies it dies...

I hate people who take drugs...

Especially border control.

Border patrol stops a man on a bike

One day a bicycle rider stops at a border control.

On top of the man’s bike are two bags of powder like substances.

The border control Police demand that he open the bags so they can see what’s inside. When the man did cut the bags open, inside was nothing but sand.

The border c...

Aussie customs

Going through the Australian border control, the customs officer interviewed me and all went well until he asked whether I had any criminal record. He was not impressed with my answer: “I didn’t know it was still necessary.”

Not mine found it somewhere

A master smuggler bragged to border control that he was about to start smuggling but they wouldn't be able to catch him.
Soon, he crosses the border on a donkey.
The guards diligently and thoroughly search him and the donkey, but come up empty.
The smuggler smiles and passes.
The...

A Russian grandpa arrives at German airport

He goes to the young girl who is in charge of border control and she asks after checking the passport

"Good morning, First time in Germany?"

"First time I'm visiting my son who lives here, but I've been here before"

"Weird, your passport doesn't have a stamp on it, How did you a...

A US World War 2 Veteran goes to France

A US WWll vet goes to France with his family for a holiday, as they arrive in France the family all go through border control without a problem. The veteran tries to walk past but is told by a French woman who worked at border control that he can’t as he doesn’t have his passport or papers out.
<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what is the best way to smuggle drugs?

In your dogs asshole. Should there be border control frisking, it will be perceived as two dogs plain wolfing

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Soviet Jew finally got an exit visa to Israel.

He packs his stuff and one of the things he takes with him is a giant painting of the General Secretary.

At the border, the Soviet customs officer asks him: "Why would you take such a painting with you to Israel"?

The Jew answers: "If I get homesick in Israel, I just take at the pain...

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