Dang Jokes

Walking around like they rent the place.

Cause I'm lycan what I see.

There once was a town that was infested with squirrels. They were everywhere and got into everything. The people of the town hated it especially the miller, the blacksmith, and the priest.

One day the miller decides that enough is enough and lays out some poisoned four to kill the stupid thi... read more

Can I take you out?

Because they call me Peter Peter.

Happy Halloween!

Get off Mi-Lan!

After several unpleasant experiences, one night, in total darkness, Gramps opened the cabin door and said, "you see, children?" "Pesky mosquitoes are attracted to light! Now, we're safe."
BUT soon as they entered the cabin and the door was shut, Jason noticed a handful of tiny blinking lights (... read more

Me: Dang, 68? Can you make that number a little higher so I can hear the judge saying it out loud?

Cop: Sure whatever

[Later in traffic court]

Judge: How the hell were you going 420 in a 55?

A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve beers and starts drinking them as fast as he can.

The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"

The guy says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I had."

The bartender says, "What do you have?"

The guy says, "75 cen... read more

...luckily deer nuts are just under a buck.

You just keep dragging this thing out.

So, he’s on death row and the executioner approaches him.

“What would you like for your last meal?”

“I would like a banana please.”

The executioner thinks it’s weird, but shrugs and gives him a banana. The guy eats his banana, waits a while, and gets strapped into the electric c... read more

...and bang you on every piece of furniture in the house.
(sorry if its been submitted before)

...because something smells fishy.

A guy walks into a bar and immediately goes to the bartender to complain. "Did you know there are a couple of guys standing out front right by your door smoking?" the guy asks. "There was no way to come inside without being covered in smoke." "Dang it, not again!" the bartender exclaims as he heads ... read more

An Indian and a cowboy are walking through the prairie one day.
The Indian stops and puts his ear to the ground and says "ah, buffalo come."
In which the cowboy replies:
"Dang, you can tell that from stickin yer ear to the ground?"
Indian says:
"No. Ear sticky."

After reaching the land where they will be hunting, they pair up and head in opposite directions. At the end of the day Cletus and Billy Ray are walking back to the truck empty-handed when they see Bubba emerge from the forest alone, dragging a very large buck behind him.

"Where's Junior?" C... read more

It wasn't long before it exploded into flames and an alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.

After fighting the fire for over an hour, the chemical company president approached the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plan... read more

WIFE: Honey, why you so mad? What are you watching?

HUSBAND: Our wedding ceremony.

Pick whichever dumb people group you like, I'll just call them Pakleds (bonus points if you get the reference).

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Two Pakleds are building a house, each taking one side and nailing panels to the framework. After a while the first Pakled goes to check on the second Pakled. T... read more

A hot, sweaty farmer walks into a bar and orders a cold beer. "Dang, our baler broke down in the field today, and its humid and 100+ degrees out," the farmer complains. "I'm so hot and sweaty from repairing that thing that I just want to rip off all my dirty, sweaty clothes and run around the bar in... read more

The captain says they can't just turn her away, and orders to desk officer to ask her a few questions as if doing an interview.
Not having any idea what to ask her to disqualify her application, the officer asks, "What's 2+2?"

"Ummm... 4!" the blonde says.

*Dang,* the officer thinks... read more

|Term|Definition|
|:-|:-|
|Log On:|Makin' da vood stove hotter!!|
|Log Off:|Don't add no more vood!!|
|Monitor:|Keepin' an eye on da vood!!|
|Download:|Gettin' da vood off da truck!!|
|Mega Hertz:|Ven yer not careful gettin' da firevood!!|
|Floppy Disc:|Vat yew get from ... read more

One goes Whack! “Dang!”, the other goes “Dang!” Whack!

Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect desert camping and riding trip.


Two days before the group is to leave Rob's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.


Rob's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.


Two days later the thr... read more

Because those dang colonists got rid of their tea.

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. Bartender asks "Dang man, doesn't that hurt?". The pirate replies "ARRRGGH IT'S DRIVING ME NUTS!!!"