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Bad Person Jokes

Is a bad person worse before or after they eat?

After. Before they eat they're bad, but afterwards they're all full.

Patient: Am I a bad person because I occasionally like to vape?

Psychiatrist: Not at all. It's really not a big deal.

Patient: Thanks! That's such a velief

People say that I'm a bad person...

But I think they're just jealous that they can't kick a pigeon as far as I can

my wife told me to stop making animal metaphors because it makes me a bad person

she should get off her high horse!

If you've been a bad person in England, they will call you a pig. In America, they'll call you a sheep. In the Soviet Union...

You crane!

To whoever stole my thesaurus...

To whoever stole my thesaurus, you made my day bad. I hope bad things happen to you. You're a bad person.

I was thinking about adopting a rare turtle today…

Ever since the oil spills in the Gulf of Mexico the turtles have been different. Apparently some of the dish soap used to clean the animals leaked into the ocean and the turtles drank it. It doesn’t harm the turtles, but they have the weird ability to pee out the dish soap.

Anyway the turtle...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many reddit users does it take to replace a lightbulb?

1 to make a post about it,
4 to mention that its the wrong forum,
1 to post it to the right forum,
7 to suggest op should post it to the electronics forum,
2 to post it to the electronics forum,
1 mod to delete the second post,

3 to suggest an image post would have gathered mor...

A husband and wife are having a quiet walk in the park when out of nowhere, a mugger appears and holds them at gunpoint.

(DISCLAIMER: I heard my father telling this joke to his friends when I was little. Sorry if this has been posted here before)



A husband and wife are having a quiet walk in the park when out of nowhere, a mugger appears and holds them at gunpoint.

The mugger said,

"I am ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Richard Spencer squeal after getting punched in the face?

*"I'm Nazi bad person here!"*

What do you call a Trump supporter on a Friday night?

A bad person

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Girls use chemicals to remove polish, and no one bats an eye.

Hitler uses chemicals to remove Polish, and he's a bad person!?

The Crusading Nun.

A guy was in New York on a business trip and decided to head to a local bar for a drink. Standing outside the bar was a nun holding a tin cup.

As the man threw a few bucks into her cup the nun launched into a long tirade about the evils of alcohol. She went on and on about how alcohol was tea...

Just a hotel bar...

There was a bar on the 42nd floor of the hotel. A dude drinks some whiskey . Then he says “watch this.” To a dude. He jumps out a window and right before he hits the ground he softly lands and comes back up to the bar. Puzzled, the dude asks “how did you do that?” The man says “just drink some whisk...

The year is 1900 and it is sunny summer day in Germany

One person, named Hans has a day off. He decides to go to seer to find about something about his future.

He went to the seer. It was old lady that could see peoples' future in her magical globe. She closes herself with Hans in one dark room and starts the ritual.

All of a sudden she g...

John dies and has a choice to make

John dies. At the entrance to heaven, St Peter says," You were not such a bad person, but not such a good one either. We are gonna let you choose where to stay for eternity. First, let me show you around heaven."

John is shown the fluffy clouds, the white sand beaches, the beautiful homes, a...

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