I went to the bookstore and found a book entitled “How to solve 50% of your problems”

So I bought two.

Our country needs a border wall. South of the border is nothing but criminals, disgusting people, and entitled people and their government does nothing about it.

Just to be clear, I live in Canada.

What do you call a rich, spoilt & entitled kid from Bratislava?

A Brat!

Two cannibals were eating an entitled kid

One says to the other," Does this taste a bit spoiled?"

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Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-week strike on Wednesday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife

Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.


The unrest began last Tuesday, when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death, would be cut by 25% this February from 72 to 54. A spokesman said increases in rec...

Sick and tired of all these entitled millennials

Walking around like they rent the place

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If I had a dollar for every time someone told millennials to stop being dramatic and entitled...

I still wouldn’t be able to afford a fucking house

Have you been forced to walk 500 miles? Then forced to walk 500 more? You may be entitled to compensation!

Call the Pro Claimers now!

There is one thing I hate about lazy and entitled cannibals

They're always looking for handouts.

Have you seen the entitled philosopher preaching outside the women’s dorm today?

What a Kant.

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A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, "You Can Be the Man of Your House."

He went storming to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From now on,
you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You
will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm done eating my
meal, you will serve me a scrumptious dessert. After dinner, you are
g...

I'm selling a book entitled: "How To Be An Expert In Negotiations".

I'll accept any price for it.

What do you call an entitled white guy that goes outside with no pants in the winter?

White Shrivelage

People say Millennials are entitled...

but have you ever tried to tell an old lady her coupon has expired?

A Frenchman, an Argentine, and a Brazilian were publicly drinking in Russia during the 2018 World Cup.

But that is prohibited there, so they were captured by the police and taken to court.



The judge said that as the country was celebrating, they would take only 20 lashes, with the right to have a wish That wasn't be escape the punishment.



The Frenchman was the first, the...

Three little monkeys jumping on the bed,

One fell off and bumped its head, mama called the doctor and the doctor said, "If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with mesothelioma you may be entitled to financial compensation."

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4 years ago today, I shared the worst joke I ever created. Here it is again for those that missed it.

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to g...

How many baby boomers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. They'll leave it how it is, expect millennials to clean up after them, and call them selfish and entitled when they get called on it.

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Four football hooligans are stranded on a deserted island

After several weeks of surviving on nothing but river water and berries, they decide that one of them must be sacrificed to feed the other three.

“Let’s decide based on the team we support - and *I* support Chelsea” the Chelsea fan proclaims proudly.

The other three look at each other,...

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A little old woman walked into the bank...

A little old woman walked into the Bank.

She was carrying a large bag full of money. She insisted on speaking with the bank manager to open a savings account because, “It’s a lot of money.”

After a great deal of negotiating, the bank staff decided to humor her and finally ushered her ...

Sales pitch

Bubba Joe's first military assignment was to a military induction center, and, because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about the government benefits, especially the GI insurance to which they were entitled.

Before long the Captain in charge of the ind...

A man finds a genie in a bottle…

Naturally, he was granted 3 wishes. But this was no ordinary ‘Genie In A Bottle’ - his requirements are that whatever the beholder wishes for, his mother-in-law got double. Although he despised his mother-in-law (and likewise with her feelings towards him), he knew made the best of this situation....

My wife crashed our car this morning.

When the police came she said the guy involved was on his mobile and eating a pie at the time.

The police advised her the guy was entitled to do what he wanted in his own living room.

An 85 year old couple is going on holiday, when they suddenly die in a plane crash...

They had been married for 60 years, and kept in good health due to their healthy diet and regular exercise.

When they reached heaven, St. Peter took them to their mansion, decked out with a fully stocked kitchen, master bath suite, and their very own jacuzzi. As his wife 'oohed' and 'aahed' a...

Why are some books so pretentious

Because they all feel entitled

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The Sex Professor

A professor gave a lecture to a room of university students, entitled "The Correlation Between Sex and Happiness".

He was determined to try out his theory with a simple test, and so asked any students who had sex once a week to stand up. Those who did laughed sheepishly or giggled, and the p...

The lady who had crashed her SUV complained to the Police that the man she collided with was on his mobile and drinking beer from a bottle at the time.

The Police said that the gentleman was entitled to do what ever he wanted in his own garden!

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When I first became an Ancap.....

>When I first became an Ancap, I was just an unemployed high schooler who had never worked a labor job in his entire life. I had that whole "welfare recipients are parasites, just pull yourself up by your bootstraps, forcing people to subsidize your shitty life choices is morally wrong, nobody is...

In love and war.

A couple is going through a bitter divorce. The mans prize possession: baseball collectibles valued at $10000. Everyone knows, his spouse is entitled to half, in lieu of splitting his prized collection, he offers 8k cash. Out of spite she denies the offer and insists the collection be split. She too...

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One day three women went for a job interview.

The man interviewing them posed all three the same question. What would you do if you found an extra $100 in on your paycheck that you shouldn’t have received?

The first one said, “I’d give it back as it wasn’t mine and I wasn’t entitled to it.”

When he asked the second one she replied...

Just got scammed out of $15.

Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes." Turns out it's about golf. Absolute waste of money.

Irish Lobsters

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Claddaghduff, Ireland man answered his door to find a grim-faced Constable & one waiting in the front yard.

"We're sorry, Mr. O’Flynn, but we have some information about your dear wife, Maureen" said one of the officers.” ...

Upon waking, a woman said to her husband, "I just dreamt that you gave me a necklace of pearls. What do you think it means?"

The man smiled and kissed his wife. "You'll know tonight," he whispered.

That evening, the man came home with a small package which he gave to his wife. She jumped up and embraced him, and then settled on the couch to slowly and delicately unwrap the package.

It contained a book entitl...

The Americans and Russians

at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world.
One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They'd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's...

A married woman has a dream on the night before her anniversary.

A married woman has a dream on the night before her anniversary. She dreams that her husband bought her a gift box.

Inside that box was another box.

Inside that box was another box.

Inside that box was another box.

And inside the fourth box was a glistening diamond ring.<...

Survivor: Texas Edition

Due to the popularity of the "Survivor" shows, Texas is planning to do one entitled: "Survivor - Texas Edition".

The lucky contestants will all start in Dallas then drive a circuit to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, Houston, Brownsville, Del Rio, El Paso, Odessa, Midland, Lubbock, Amarillo, Abilen...

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Jewish Sex

No matter what this husband did in bed, his wife never achieved an orgasm.
Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to consult their Rabbi.

The Rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion:
Hire a strapping young man.
<...

I hate when a generation refuses to work and still expect to receive government checks

Those baby boomers in Congress sure are entitled snowflakes

I know the shutdown is done, but I think this joke is funny and I made it up myself.

The situation down south is too much

People unhappy, wanting to leave their country and come over to ours like they're entitled to it, corrupt law forces and an all around mess. As a Canadian this is too much

There was once an ambitious prince...

Born the youngest out of 4 brothers.

There was a heated discussion when all four princes were at an appropriate age for being candidates to the throne. But alas, how unfair fate is as our little prince was bested by his brothers.

At an early age he found himself planting seeds of envy ...

Waiter: ...and if you need anything, my name is Dave

Me: What's your name if I don't need anything?


(Yes, this is a repost of a comment, but since I posted the original, I figure I'm entitled.)

The Genie and the Demon

Three men are out walking in the woods one day, when they stumble upon an old bronze lamp. Naturally, having spent much of their lives reading internet jokes, their first inclination is to rub the lamp and excitedly greet the genie that emerges.

"You have freed me from my near-eternal captivi...

A German optimist wanted to write a book to cheer his friends up

It was entitled "Nein Kampf"

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An old lady goes into a bank...

Coutt's Bank, to be exact, and asks to open an account. She is told, politely but coolly, that they are a very exclusive bank and have stringent requirements for prospective clients. "I know," she says. "May I see the manager, please?"

She is shown into the manager's office and repeats her re...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A different 3 men/lunch joke

At an art exhibition two women were staring at a painting entitled, "Home for Lunch".

The painting was of three very naked, and very black men, sitting on a park bench. What was unusual was that the men on both ends of the bench had black penises, but the man in the middle had a very pink pen...

Lenin in Poland

In the early 1970's Brezhnev announces to the Politburo that he is making a state visit to Poland, and that in honor of the trip he wishes to bring the Polish people a momentous gift. It is decided that Brezhnev should bring a large painting entitled "Lenin In Poland." After all, what could be a mor...

In a theater

A man is stretched out on his back across four seats in a theater. The usher comes down and says, ”Mister, you will have to get out of those four seats. You are only entitled to one.”

The man only grunts and does not move. The manager comes down and says to the man, ”Mister, you will have to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The farmer's chicken

A farmer returns home late from working all day on his crops, and chicken coops. He loudly walks up his stairs, chicken in his arm.

He slams open his bedroom door and sees a suprised look on his wife's face.

"This is the cow that I fuck when you aren't around!" exclaimed the farmer....

Did you guys hear about the Italian Chef that died recently?

>He pasta way.
>>We cannoli do so much.
>>>His legacy will become a pizza history.
>>>>Here today, gone tomato.
>>>>>How sad that he ran out of thyme.
>>>>>>Sending olive my prayers to the family.
>>>>>&g...

An artist is commissioned to create a painting to celebrate Soviet-Polish relations...

to be entitled 'Lenin in Poland'.
Around a month later the artist unveils his painting to a crowd of Soviet dignitaries, and it is greeted by gasps of disgust
The painting depicts Lenin's wife in bed with Leonid Trotsky
One of the assembled guests asks 'But where is Lenin?'
To which the ...

Common ground among the German people

What are the German people in agreement with when discussing over-entitled children and expired sausages?

That Spoiled Brats are the Wurst

A man walks into a t-shirt store...

There are 3 shirts on display.

The first has a picture of Richard Nixon with a white mustache. Below the picture is titled "Got Milk."

The second tee shirt has a picture of Ronald Reagan with a white mustache. It is entitled "Forgot Milk."

The third tee shirt has a picture of M...

The language of heaven

Back in the soviet days a little old lady was sitting on a bench by the Red square, reading a book entitled "Teach yourself Hebrew". A police officer was walking by, saw the book and decided to make some trouble for the lady.

"Why does an old crone like you want to learn Hebrew?" he demanded....

Bubba n' Buford III

Bubba n' Buford jes left Texas A&M where they'd attend a seminar entitled "Advanced Composting" n' were a headin' back up Highway 79 towards east Texas. After a bit they got into an argument over whether Marquez was pronounced Mar-KEY or Mar-KAY. Well, they decided since they were about to go ...

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