UPJOKE
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What's the worst combination of diseases you can have?

Alzheimer's and Irritable Bowel Syndrome, especially when you can't remember why you're running.

Why do people with irritable bowel syndrome have a hard time making decisions?

They can’t trust their gut

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Irritable Bowel Syndrome saved me from depression...

It’s hard to feel empty when you’re so full of shit.

Just found out I have irritable vowel syndrome...

Every time “U” tell me “I” have to do something it irritates the $h*t out of me.

How often are women grumpy and irritable?

Periodically.

I'm writing a book about my time growing up as a shy young boy with irritable bowel syndrome...

... i've decided to call it 'Diarrhoea Of A Wimpy Kid'

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An irritable old man runs into a kid on a narrow path

The path isn't wide enough for two people to go side by side. The grumpy old man, who hates kids, refuses to move to the side, and says "I don't give way to assholes".

"That's ok, I do", says the kid and lets the old man cross.

My mom has been tired, irritable, moody, and able to instantly stop small fish.

I think she's going through minnowpause.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a prostitute with irritable bowel syndrome and an epileptic oyster?

You have to shuck the oyster between fits.

Told my wife that the doctor thinks I have irritable vowel syndrome. She said, "I think you mean 'bowel'."

I said, "Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyybeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee."

When was Cleopatra at her most irritable?

When she was on her pyramid.

Why did the artists stay away from the irritable blacksmith?

Nobody wanted to draw his iron.

Here's an interesting joke:

The moon shown silver on the waters of the lake, and the waves that were
beating on the shore were hardly equal in intensity to the waves of
passion nearby. One ardent couple paused long enough for the young man to
whisper, "Darling am I the first man to make love to you ?"
Her t...

Took my dog to the vet because he won’t stop barking

Turns out he’s got irritable bow-wow syndrome

This is for Robin Williams

A man goes to see a doctor. Doctor asks what seems to be the trouble. The man says, "Doc, I'm depressed. Simply, I can't sleep sometimes, I can't eat, I feel down and irritable most days. I just can't feel 'happy.'"

The Doctor says, "I've got the perfect fix for you. In town tonight is the g...

Pete was having a tough day at work...

His boss was berating him for a simple mistake. His coworkers were irritable. Customers were condescending. The only thing getting him through the day was knowing that his new golf clubs were coming in the mail later that day. He finally gets to leave work and gets home. He cracks open his bee...

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My wife came home from the doctor

Not really a joke. It's a real life story that happened to me. My wife came home from the doctor and said. The doctor discovered my illness - I've got IBS. I told my wife, I know, you've had that almost the entire time I've know you. She said You don't even know what IBS is.

I said yes...

Worst Dad Joke of the Day?

You know what IBS is, right? Irritable Bowel Syndrome. What I've got is worse, IWS, Irritable Wife Syndrome. And that kids is why Dad is sleeping on the couch tonight.

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