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Ard Jokes

Who was the most famous ARDS victim?

Franz Coughka

The bull gets dishonorably discharged from the Animal Military.

He acted cow-ardly on the field of battle.

‌‌Our w‌‌hole f‌‌amily i‌‌s r‌‌eally w‌‌orried a‌‌bout m‌‌y g‌‌randfather’s V‌‌iagra a‌‌ddiction.

Grandma i‌‌s t‌‌aking i‌‌t p‌‌articularly h‌‌ard.

What do you HAVE to put on your hot dogs?

Must-ard!



My 7-year-old hit us with that one and seems to be an original.

A cow was recently given the badge of bravery.

Her actions proved she was no cow-ard.

What do you call a magician who smokes?

A wheez-ard.

I really adore the inherent pacifistic attitude of the vegans.

They don't want to have any beef with people.

That isn't to say that they are cow-ards

Husband always insisted on making love in the dark.

After 20 years wife turns on the light, finds him holding a vibrator. She goes balistic, "You impotent bas*ard! How could you lie to me all these years?" Husband looks her straight in the eyes & calmly says, "I'll explain the toy, you explain the kids....."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In an Irish court...

The judge says to a double-homicide defendant, "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."

A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You @%#$ard !"

The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer."

The voice ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Turtle, Lizard, and Rabbit

One day, Turtle, Lizard, and Rabbit decide to start a garden. So as first things first they needed manure for their plants, Turtle and Lizard send the rabbit to town for the manure while they dig. While Rabbit was in town searching for the rich soil, Turtle and Lizard strike oil. As the rabbit retur...

John Cleese talks about the terror threat levels of nations

The English are concerned about the recent increase in terrorist activities, and have therefore raised their security level from “miffed” to “peeved.” If the threats continue to grow, the security levels may be raised to “irritated” or even “a bit cross.” (The English have not seen “a bit cross” sin...

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