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Arche Jokes

Two chemists walk into a Bar

chemist 1: I’ll have some H2O

chemist 2: I’ll have some H2O also

chemist 2’s arch nemesis disguised as the bartender: [under breath] so close....

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Three men go before the Queen to be rewarded for their service.

Three British soldiers gruesomely wounded in Afghanistan meet the Queen, who wishes to reward them for their loyal service.

The first soldier is in a wheelchair. He has very long arms. The Queen takes one look at him and says "Measure this man from fingertip to fingertip and pay him 1,000 po...

A stormtrooper walks into a bar and orders a martini

The bartender asks while handing the stormtrooper his drink, "Shouldn't you not be drinking on the job?"

The stormtrooper arches his eyebrow, "And hit what I'm aiming for?"

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Italians have always copied good inventions from other cultures and made them exceptional

Beretta took Walthers's designs and made them sexy

They discovered noodles from china, removed the dog, and created pasta

They stole the idea of arches from the Etruscans and built colosseums and aqueducts

They took the gladius from celt-iberians and conquered the world with it<...

A young man is vacationing in Spain…

… when he happens to wander into a pub populated entirely by tourists, most of whom are in the midst of playing some kind of trivia game.

The young man sits down at a vacant table and listens for a while, slowly realizing that the game is focused entirely on the many hotels, motels, and hoste...

Blonde joke (no offense meant )

A blonde went into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother overseas.

When the man told her it would cost $200, she exclaimed: "I don't have any money." But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother."

The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect). "Anything?" he...

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A man having trouble defecating went to see a doctor

Man : I can't do it without hurting myself.

Doctor : Well, I've got the perfect cure for you. But it must be inserted into your anus.

So the doctor did it.

Doctor : How do you feel?

Man : I feel great thanks.

Doctor : Ok, you have to do it again tonight before you ...

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The statue lovers

Two ancient statues in a Roman park had been locking eyes for over 1000 years, their bodies arched toward each other with the promise of a warm embrace. One day a mystical gypsy woman stumbled upon the statues in the park and had an idea.

She used her dark gypsy ways to bring the statues to ...

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Swedish Massage

A young guy was laying on his back on a massage table, wearing only a towel over his groin.
A young and stunning attractive Swedish girl was massaging his shoulders, then his chest, and gradually worked her way down his body. The guy was getting sexually excited as she approached the towel. The ...

Tarzan comes home after a hard day and asks Jane to mix him a martini

He's hardly sat down before he's finished it and he asks Jane to mix him another, and being a caring, nurturing mate she does so. Again Tarzan makes it disappear and asks (nicely enough, to be fair) for still another one.

At this, Jane arches a delicate eyebrow and says "Three martinis? Bef...

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Sean Connery is interviewed by GQ Magazine...

and the reporter breathlessly asks his idol, "Mr. Connery your fans have three questions for you, do you drink martinis shaken or stirred?" In a deep Scottish brogue Sean Connery replies, "Shaken."
"And which do you prefer, Octopussy or Pussy Galore?" to which Sean Connery barely lets him finish...

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Alan Finkelkraut goes to Israel to die...

Alan Finkelkraut, an upstanding member of the Teaneck Jewish community, upon his retirement at the age of 70 from the family furniture business decides that finally the time had come for him to make the move that he couldn't have before - to move to Israel where he can end his days.

Over a sm...

A blonde goes into an overseas transmission center...

So this blonde goes into this transmission center to go talk to her mother, which is in another continent working 12 hours a day. The male receptionist said "100 dollars please," and the woman remembered she left the cash at home. She didn't have the time to wait, so she said to the male receptionis...

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When the bathroom is closed at the local bar, a man makes a bet with the bartender [Longish Story]

"Sorry sir, the bathroom is closed. You will have to go elsewhere", stated the bartender.

"Elsewhere, you say?" said the man, the wheels slowly clanking into place in his head forming an idea. He ushers the man into the closed bathroom by the sink. "Since I can't pee in this toilet like my gr...

Modern Bible Stories: American Noah's Ark

…..And the Lord spoke to Noah and said:
” In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed, but I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark.”
In a...

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