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Archer Jokes

what did the archer ask the pepper?

"do you habanero?"

I thought of this tonight making dinner. I'm sure someone has thought of this before me, but figured I would share anyway.

Why didn’t the Mexican archer fire his bow?

He didn’t habanero

what's it called when a Archer can never hit his shots

Projectile dysfunction

What do you call a communist archer?

A marxman.

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Student 1: My name is Tom Archer because my ancestors were making bows and arrows.

Student 2: My name is Sam Baker because my forefathers were bakers.

Student 3: My name is John Dickinson, and I hate this game.

Two groups of archers were in a battle.

the account of the battle was poorly translated through Spanish and went like this:

one group of archers fired rice at the other.

each of the archers in the second group was hit by January.

one lone surviving sad archer in the second group fired back a single wide brimmed hat....

What do you buy an Archer that likes flowers?

A rose

A policeman, an archer, and a soldier are on an airplane losing altitude.

The pilot yells to these passengers, "We're carrying too much weight, drop whatever you got!"

The policeman drops his pistol, the archer drops his bow and arrow, and the soldier drops a grenade out of the hatch door.

The plane still crashes, and all three passengers wake up in differen...

Two archers are sipping pints in a pub.

The first archer says, "Did you see the new leathersmith? He's a beast of a man with eyes as black as night."

To which the second archer replies, "Aye, he makes me quiver".

What do you call an angry archer?

A Cross Bowman

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A Turk, a Frenchman, and an Englishman are traveling on a train.

The compartment gets warm, so the Frenchman opens the window and a fly buzzes in. Wanting to show off, the Frenchman swiftly draws his sword and with one strike, the fly is split in half. As the others look on in amazement, the Frenchman hands out his business card, which reads: "France's Best Sword...

As an ex-archer myself, I had always wondered, why aren't we allowed to shoot into the crowd?

Then, it hit me.

what’s the difference between a drunken archer and a constipated owl?

One shoots but can’t hit...

Did you hear the story about Jesus the archer?

On the third day he arrows again.

An Englishman, Frenchman and Turk

Were all in a train cabin. Feeling a little warm, the Frenchman opened the window and a little fly came buzzing in.

Wanting to impress the other two, the Frenchman takes out his sword and in one swoop sliced the fly in half. Feeling proud of himself, closes the window and hands out his busine...

Why are archers good at building planes?

Because they're experts in arrow dynamics

I went to a stand-up gig of a guy named Archer.

It was boring as all he had were nock nock jokes.

Why can't you ever build a great relationship with an archer?

Because at the end of they day they don't want any strings attached!

A King and his squire during a battle

King: "Cannons, fire!"

Squire: "Your majesty, we have no cannons"

King: "Ok then. Cavalry, charge!"

Squire: "We have no cavalry either"

King: "Ok then. Archers, loose!"

Squire: "We have no archers either"

King: "Ok then. Infantry, attack!"

Squire: "W...

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It's cool that last names tell us about old family professions

Like the Smith family were blacksmiths


and the Bowman family were archers


and the Dickinson family... well they were in jail

Nock, nock!

Who's there?

Archers ready!!!

Archers ready who?

Release!!!

A band of adventurers accept a quest, to slay the Ork King.

Before heading out to fight the Ork King, they head to town to hire a mercenary.
The first one is a swordsman, who asks for 1000 gold to join them.
The second is an archer, who wants 2000 gold for her services.
The last one is a Spearman, who is willing to do it just for the experienc...

A fool wearing an eye patch enters an archery contest

The contestants are told to hit the target in the distance. The guy wearing the eye patch picks up his bow, pulls back an arrow, and releases it. The arrow completely misses the target, goes in a totally different direction, and buries itself in the hat of one of the judges. The judge jumps up, shoc...

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Is this OC? I thought of it in the shower. Help with making it better would be appreciated.

A farmer is eating dinner with his lovely daughter. The local merchants son, known for being honest and trustworthy, walks in and says "sir I'd like to lay with your daughter." The farmer in a rage asks "Why the hell would I let you do that?" To which the merchants son reply's "I was just diagnos...

"I will avenge my brother!"

Archer: "You have my bow"

Warrior: "And my blade"

Necromancer: "And your brother"

(Possibly a repost, can't remember where I heard this one)

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Archery Competition

Three archers decide to participate in a tournament where each of them has to shoot an apple that is standing on top of a volunteer's head.

The first archer shoots his arrow and it hits dead center on the apple; filled with confidence, he turns to the crowd and says:

"I'm William Tell!...

A duke was hunting in the forest

A duke was hunting in the forest with his men-at-arms and servants; he came across a tree. Upon it, archery targets were painted and smack in the middle of each was an arrow.

"Who is this incredibly fine archer?" cried the duke. "I must find him!"

After continuing through the forest fo...

A physics professor retires and buys a lake house.

The first thing he does is build two long wooden platforms out over the lake. Every day he goes out with a bow and some arrows and stands on one of them while shooting arrows into the lake. One day a curious neighbor goes up to him and asks "what exactly are you doing?". The physicist replies "well ...

3 Kids are arguing about who's dad is the fastest...

At lunch, the first boy says his dad is the faster because he is a brick layer & when he drops a brick from the 5th floor he can run to the ground level & be there before the brick hits...


Not bad says the 2nd boy, but my dad is faster.


He is a professional archer. ...

What do you call Legolas, Robin Hood, and Katniss Everdeen when they’re leaving?

Dep-archers

One day, an old man was hammering a large, wooden stake into his garden.

Unfortunately, that same day, the captain of the Navy was walking past. When the stake caught his eye (despite it being very basic and unattractive), he decided he wanted to own it. So, he waited for the old man to leave, and promptly pulled it out and carried it away to his submarine, where he foun...

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best jokes about Albania, from Romania:

Why the Albanian submarines resurface every 2 minutes? So the rowers can breath.

How do you destroy an Albanian tank? You shot the guy that pushes it.

Why did the Albanians lost the war? The archer was sick.

The Albanians managed to releases on market their fist computer, it's k...

Sometime in the middle ages, a duke sought to overthrow an earl who was his rival

So he sent a group of his soldiers to sack the earl's castle. As word of the soldiers coming spread through the town outside the castle, most people ran or hid. But as the soldiers passed through the market square, they heard a voice calling "wool for cheap, wool for cheap".

The captain of...

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I made a bow tie!

The archer is pissed at me though.

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There once lived a hunter,

There once lived a hunter who missed more than he hit the target.

His problem was that he shouted the phrase **“Oh, fuck I missed!”**, every time he missed a shot.

His friends and family who were concerned took him to a priest to see if fear of God could make him stop cursing.

A...

Three men line up to show off their skills at archery

They are to shoot off the apple off of a young boy's head. The first one draws his arrow back, shoots, hits the apple clean off of the boy's head, and says, "I am Robin Hood!". The second one draws his arrow back, shoots, hits the apple of the boy's head, and says, "I am William Tell!". The third on...

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An oldie but a goodie...

An old man is sitting on a dock, crying his eyes out. A younger man walks to him and asks "what's the matter?"
The old man says "I built this dock with my own two hands, but do they call me John the Carpenter...no. I shot the biggest buck ever seen in these parts with my bow, but do they cal...

Three men die together in an accident and are sent to hell...

Two of the men are quite tall and lean, and the other man is a very short, fat guy.

The devil welcomes them to hell. He tells the three men that they have a chance to redeem their souls and go to heaven. If one of them men can find something the devil can't catch, he will let all three asce...

The 3 brothers

Three brothers named Ernie, Matt, and Steve are on a boat, when suddenly it wrecks. The brothers are the only survivors. They swim to a shore, only to be captured be natives. The natives dislike outsiders, and so they arrange to have them executed. A man with a bow aims at Ernie and asks, "Do you ha...

Have you ever tried archery blindfolded?

You never know what you’re missing.

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