The son of a rich Saudi sheikh arrives in Germany for his University studies.

He soon writes home to his father. "Dear Dad, Berlin is wonderful, the people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad I am a little ashamed to be riding to class every day in my 24k gold Ferrari 599GTB when my professors, friends and many fellow students all travel by train. Your son, Ahmed"
...

The reason Saudi Arabia has so much money, is not because of the oil...

It's because they wouldn't let their women spend it.

I live in Saudi Arabia, so I have to translate this joke. I will do my best. Stick with me.

Three women walk into a pub.

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What's the similarity between a woman living in Saudi Arabia and Amsterdam?

They both get stoned after sex

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3 men are caught smuggling alcohol into Saudi Arabia

As it's a "dry" country, the men are brought before a judge.

Judge: "Under normal circumstances, the penalty for smuggling is death. However, it's a national holiday and I'm feeling generous, so you'll each receive 20 lashings."

As he says this, his wife approaches the judge and whispe...

What did the Saudi bike thief say?

"Look, no hands!"

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What's the difference between Margot Robbie and Saudi Arabia?

One of them has an arresting gaze..



>!The other IS arresting gays.!<

Whats Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom?

How I bught your mother

An Indian, a Pakistani and a Chinese are caught in a criminal act in Saudi Arabia and sentenced to flogging.

The Saudi flogger walks up to them and says : "Look, you all belong to some important countries so i gotta go easy on you. I'll let you pick how you want to get flogged"



The Chinese says: "Ok thanks habibi, please tie a mattress to my back and flog me then ok?"



Saudi du...

I called a suicide hotline in saudi arabia

they got excited and asked me if i could fly a plane

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What's the difference between an American and a Saudi-Arabian girl?

The American girl gets stoned before sex.

As we landed in Saudi Arabia the pilot announced "Ladies and Gentlemen don't forget to adjust your watches to local time"

I thought to myself how do I turn it back to the 7th century?

Why was the TV show "The Bachelor" a failure in Saudi Arabia?

Episode 1, after 10 mins:

"I'll take them all..."

\- End -

A Saudi Prince wants to buy a bull, so he goes to see a famous Russian bovine breeder.

The Russian tells him, "I have many good animal. Here is Swedish bull, is born black color, but color turns white when grows."

"Over there is American bull. Color when born is red, but become dark brown when full grown."

"And here, Turkish bull. They is born dark brown, but grow up to ...

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A woman found out that her husband was cheating on her while stationed in Saudi.

So she sends him this care package. He is excited to get a package from his wife back home. He finds that it contains a batch of home made cookies and a VHS tape of his favorite TV shows. He invites a couple of his buddies over and they're all sitting around having a great time eating the cookies an...

Saudi is the worst country for tinder

Cause women there don't have any rights

Let me tell you about the time I smoked weed in Saudi Arabia...

I got stoned to death.

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An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian.....

.... an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Camer...

Once I had a date with a Saudi-Arabian hippie girl.

She didn't show up, I guess she got too stoned.

The son of a Saudi price writes to his father.

Dear Father,

I am doing well in school here in London. But I have a feeling of shame due to the fact my friends and professors all ride the train to university, and I have to drive the gold Ferrari....

The father concerned with his son's letter, writes back...

Dear Son,

I...

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Ryan Gosling went to live in Saudi Arabia for a year.

He and a local Saudi girl fell in love.

The girl would secretly sneak out of her house in the middle of the night without a male companion to hangout with Ryan. They would go to Ryan's place and make love for the whole night. Ryan would drop her back before the dawn. She would quietly sneak i...

So a German, an Englishman and an Irishman...

...were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when they were arrested by Saudi police. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so they are all sentenced to death!

However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to ...

I have an exam tomorrow for my “Women in Saudi Arabia” class, and I’m sure I am going to fail.

It covers everything.

Why did the Saudi Arabian cross the road?

To get to the other... Sa'id...

People in Saudi Arabia don't like the Flintstones

But people in Abu Dhabi do

The Saudi Ambassador to the UN has just finished giving a speech, and walks out into the lobby where he meets President Trump..

They shake hands and as they walk the Saudi ambassador says, "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen here in America."

President Trump says, "Well your excellency, anything I can do to help you?"

The Saudi whispers "My son watches your show *Star Trek* and in it ther...

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Two Saudi brothers

Two Saudi brothers come to America and one buys a house on the west coast and the other on the east coast. They are so excited about being Americans and during their goodbyes they make a $10,000 bet: in two months they will meet again and the one that is the most American wins.

Two months pa...

How are drug addicts executed in Saudi?

Stoned.

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The best extra virgin olive oil comes from Saudi Arabia.

They hand inspect each olive to make sure it's still a virgin.

Saudi Arabia banned chess, calling it a dangerous game

The Queen doesn't wear a burkha.
The Queen roams freely wherever she wants to.
The Queen is more powerful than the King.
The Queen goes alone to opponent's territory.
Most importantly, there's only one Queen.

I was travelling through Saudi Arabia the other week, when I suddenly become quite peckish

So I stumbled into Mecca Donalds and ordered a double aloha snakbar.

A Saudi woman in a doctor's clinic.

Doctor: Mrs Saud there's a good news for you.
Woman: Excuse me, it's Miss Saud not Mrs Saud.
Doctor: Miss Saud there's a bad news for you.

The saudi king was walking in the streets, dressed as a commoner to check up on his subjects

He found a destitute man, whose toes were coming out of his shoes.

The king was surprised by what he saw, and walked to the man and asked ''why are your toes coming out of your shoes?''

The man replied '' my feet have out grown my shoes, and i don't have any money to buy a new pair.''...

I was born around Saudi. I remember a couple things.

The first thing is that every woman had to wear a face cover, so only their eyes were visible.

The second thing is that I always lost my mom in grocery stores.

Saudi Arabians just seem so ignorant about everything...

It’s like they’ve been living under Iraq!

Saudi Arabia just announced they will allow movie theaters for the first time in over 35 years.

This has brought with it lots of excitement in the country. The first movie expected to be played is the classic middle eastern comedy Schindler's list.

Due to the recent relaxation of laws in Saudi Arabia,

a new chain of fast food restaurants are opening up which are run solely by women.

It's called Burka King.

There's this amazing joke about Saudi Arabia's currency, but I forgot where I heard it

Then I remembered that I found the Riyal joke in the comments

i'm half indian and half saudi arabian

so i get my 9/11 at the 7/11

Public punishments in Saudi Arabia are really hard

It’s like beating dark soles

Africans arrested in Saudi Arabia

A Togolese, Nigerian and a Ghanaian were arrested for drinking alcohol in Saudi Arabia.

The three of them were dragged in front of one of the princes, who said:

“You will get 50 lashes for the consumption of alcohol. However, since you are foreigners and did not know about the prohibit...

What is the differrence between a Saudi murderer and a Mexican murderer?

a few billion dollars.

Given the current climate, Saudi Arabia is a dangerous place to visit.

I won’t beheading there anytime soon.

Why is the weather so nice in Saudi Arabia?

It's always Sunni!

An American, a Frenchman, and a Canadian go on vacation to Saudi Arabia

...and once there, they are caught drinking smuggled alcohol. They are arrested, and each sentenced to 100 lashes by the whip as punishment.

Now the officer assigned to do the whipping says "It is my favorite wife's birthday, and she asked that I show a little compassion as I work today. I wi...

I met a Saudi Arabian girl online, and I think things are getting serious.

She just added me as a friend on Eyebook.

A man is walking in the desert in Saudi Arabia.

As he's walking, a local man on a camel begins to come into view. The tourist turned and could see that a woman was walking behind the local man on the camel. The tourist asked the man:

"Who is that?"

"That is my wife," he replied.

"Wouldn't it be kinder to let her ride the came...

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Three guys travel to Saudi Arabia and got lost. They walk into a tent that they think was the one they rented but actually belongs to a prince with 3 hot wives.

The prince comes home and thinks his wives are cheating on him. As a punishment, he tells them that their penises will have to be cut off in some way relating to their occupation.
He asks the first guy what his job was.
"I'm an employee at the shooting range," he replies.
"Then we'...

Women are allowed to drive in Saudi Arabia now, however they can only turn left ...

Because you know... There are no women's rights there...

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What is the difference between American girls and Saudi Arabian girls?

American girls like to get stoned *before* they have sex.

How would you rate USA and Saudi Arabia's relationship?

9/11

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A Saudi couple and their camel are in the desert

They have been walking for days now and the journey is long and hard. One day the camel says to the man
“Oh please can I rest? This journey is too hard for me”
So the man pulls out a gun, holds it up to the camels head and says “camel going once”
The camel then immediately starts walking a...

The crown prince of Saudi Arabia is talking with his counselors.

One of them asks, "What are your current plans?" The prince says, "I'm going to starve to death a few hundred thousand people in Yemen and dismember one journalist." The counselor asks, "Why the journalist?" "See, no one cares about the people in Yemen."

what do you call a boys school in saudi arabia?

driving school

I told my mate I was going to open a shop in Saudi Arabia.

“Dubai” he asked?
“Yes” I replied, “And sell”

Three Saudis and three Turks are travelling by train...

Three Saudis and three Turks are travelling by train to a conference. At the station, the Turks each buy one ticket and watch as the Saudis buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks one of the Turks. "Watch and you'll see," answers one of the Saudis. T...

A Saudi man wanted to divorce his wife... She had one condition

The papers to be submitted at the Embassy in Istanbul

A Saudi prince recently requested that naked statues be covered up while visiting Rome.

Apparently his 9 year old wife found them offensive.

Saudi Arabia is not good at covering things like the Khashoggi killing

except women

What’s the most popular breakfast cereal in Saudi Arabia?

Fruties Pebbled

Saudi-Arabia has developed teleportation technology in order to sustain their economy when oil is depleted.

First tests in their embassies are promising, but apparently there are still issues with the part that is supposed to make one reappear.

Three men are walking through Saudi Arabia

They however get falsely accused for drinking and are taken to the judge who sentences them all to 50 lashes each.
The men beg and plead for mercy and fight for their innocence.
The judge takes pity and says, "I will let all of you have one wish before receiving the lashes".
The first man a...

A Saudi prince has come forward saying that they should end the ban placed on women driving in the kingdom.

Interesting, just in time when all global tech giants are in the final stage of trials of their self-driving cars.

Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia Wants to Get to the Truth of the Khashoggi Murder

He's hired OJ to track down the real killers.

We dont need to sell arms to the Saudis anymore.

They already have plenty in the consul's garden.

With women being able to drive in Saudi Arabia, they will open a woman-only taxi service.

It'll be called NiCab.

Saudi Arabia heard that Trump was going to pardon a turkey

But they'd still like to have a word with it at their embassy.

A Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean and a New Yorker ....

A Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean and a New Yorker are walking down the street.

A reporter comes up to them and says,
“Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?”

The Saudi says, “excuse me , what is this word shortage?”

The Russian says, “excuse me, what’s me...

The Saudi Society at my uni had a social....

It must have been fun as half my journalism class haven’t been back since

I've just came back from Saudi Arabia...

There are many streets and districts with the word "al" in it, such as "Al-Hamra" or "Al-Jazirah".

But never was I able to find any place with "Al-Cohol"...

Many Saudi women are fans of the Second Amendment.

They would like a right to bare arms.

What's a Saudi's worst fear?

Children in a school bus.

When the Saudi police tackled me after I stole something from the market…

…I instantly realised my mistake when I shouted, "Unhand me!"

What was the anthem of Saudi Arabia's first LGBT pride parade?

We Will Rock You.

Two blokes are out driving in Saudi Arabia.

The driver has a row of stitches around both his wrists. His mate points at them and says, “I see you won your appeal then...”

I was in Saudi Arabia the other day and I asked somebody if they had any spare change.

They said," Yemen."

It's No Surprise That Saudi Arabia Is The Way It Is...

They literally live under Iraq.

WWE is postponing their upcoming event in Saudi Arabia until December.

And they are changing the name of the event to December to Dismember.

The problem with Saudi embassies

Is once you've lost one citizen you've lost Jamal.

Everyone is criticizing the Saudis wanting to investigate a murder that they themselves are accused of...

But the Saudi Prince gives the investigation team four thumbs up!

If Saudi Arabia want to win their next game,

They need to beheading the ball less.

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Three friends, a cop, a fireman and a sanitation worker were on a trip to Saudi Arabia.

One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the sheik came in. "I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will b...

A Saudi Arabian prince is going to college in England

He texts his father,
"Dad, I feel weird driving my Lamborghini to school when all my classmates take a train"
His father replies;
"Son, I have transferred 500 million dollars into your account. Go out and buy a train and stop embarrassing this family"

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Three Americans visit saudi Arabia

They're having a good time and decide to travel through the desert, on the third day they come across a tent in the middle of nowhere with a DO NOT ENTER sign in many languages, of course they ignore it.
In the tent are over 100 naked beautiful women, they have a good time, is much sexiness. ...

Did you see the winner of the Ms Saudi Arabia beauty contest?

Neither did I.

Russia won against Saudi Arabia...

Counter Terrorist wins!

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Look at the situation in Saudi Arabia

- Royal princes are getting killed

- they fuck their cousins

- they go to war with neighboring countries

- they have stupid rulers

It’s like Game of thrones - Middle East version

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