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What's the traditional greeting among prostitute-accountants?

Tally ho!

Where do accountants buy all of their clothes?

The GAAP.

Why do certain people become accountants?

They don't have the charisma to be an undertaker.

What do accountants do when they're constipated?

They have to work it out with a pencil.

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Why are accountants so good in bed?

They excel at making spreadsheets

Why don't tax accountants have a sense of humor?

Because jokes aren't deductible.

How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb?

One. They don't have a sense of humour.

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A deaf accountant works for the mafia.

One day, the king pin mafioso is checking out the books and notices there's a million dollars missing. He calls a meeting with the deaf accountant and a sign language translator.

"Ok, there's a million dollars missing, where is it?" asks the king pin. Translator says, "There's a million dolla...

Why do hippies make good accountants?

Because they're from a counter-culture

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference.

At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

They all board the train. The accountan...

You have to love female accountants...

They consider double entry the standard.

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Five surgeons were talking about the best patients...

First surgeon says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything on the inside is numbered."
Second surgeon says, "Nah - librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
Third surgeon responds, "Try electricians, man! Everything in...

What do you call an airplane full of Accountants?

A Boring 747!

In the days before calculators, accountants were frequently unable to get their debits to balance with their credits.

So, in order to overcome the discrepancy, they often created a bogus account titled "Taste" to store the unbalanced amount and allow the books to balance.

Unfortunately, the government soon heard of this practice and declared a new law... there would, from this point on, be no accounting for ...

Why Do Accountants Make Good Lovers?

They’re great with figures.

Two Accountants

One day two accountants, who were best friends, were walking together down the street. One was a vegetarian and constantly berated the other for eating meat! After stopping for a hot dog, the vegetarian erupted "Why do you eat meat?, do you even know what's in that hot dog? You know, you are what yo...

Old accountants never die.

They just lose their balance.

Two accountants are trying to get a job...

The first one goes in for his interview. They go over his history and experience, tell him about the company, and all the usual things. Then they ask him to take a test. They bring him to a closed room and he sits at the only table, in the only chair.

When he looks at the test, he sees only ...

Three Accountants and Three Engineers [long]

Three accountants and three engineers were boarding a train. The three accountants each bought a ticket, and then noticed confusedly that the engineers only had one ticket between the three of them.

"How can three people travel on a single ticket?" asked the accountants.

"Watch," answe...

Why are cowboys bad at being accountants?

Because they always round up.

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