Adequate Jokes - 33 Hilarious Adequate Jokes

What do you call an adequate manufacturing plant?

A satisfactory

What do you call a man who can perform any task to an adequate degree and keeps a holy woman on a leash?

Jack of all trades, master of nun.

The man who cross breeds labradors and poodles will be adequate for the job at hand.

The labradoodle dude'll do.

Why did the scientists announce to the world they had a vaccine without adequate human testing?

Because they were Russian...

What kind of factory can produce only adequate products?

a satisfactory

A lawyer was interviewing a doctor about the death of a patient

"When you examined the patient, did you check his pulse?" asked the lawyer.

"I didn't" said the doctor.

"And did you listen for a heartbeat?" said the lawyer.

"No, I did not" the doctor said.

"So in other words" the lawyer said "When you signed the death certificate you h...

No dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between the words complete and finished. However......

"When you marry the right person, you are COMPLETE.

But, when you marry the wrong person, you are FINISHED.

And when the 'right one' catches you with the 'wrong one'

Well .... you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!"

Stats joke..

Three professors (a physicist, a chemist, and a statistician) are called in to see their dean. Just as they arrive the dean is called out of his office, leaving the three professors there. The professors see with alarm that there is a fire in the wastebasket.

The physicist says, "I know what ...

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I’ve been getting busy with a new girlfriend recently. I’m very relieved she finds the quality of the sex adequate despite the bend I’ve developed in my penis.

I know because I asked her. She said “Weird flex but okay.”

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Russian elementary school assignmen: "please tell us an anecdote that demonstrates the kindness of our great leader Putin"

On the due date, the teacher has some students stand up and read their assignments in front of the class.

Little Igor goes first : "one day President Putin was walking down the street when he noticed a crying little girl. He asked what was troubling her, and she told him that her cat went up ...

A farmer wants to grow his plants in the winter, so he puts them in the shower

A farmer wants to grow his plants in the winter. He believes that he can maintain the vegetables if they have enough room to grow deep roots, so he puts them in shower.
A month goes by, and no produce has popped up. The farmer realizes that some plants take 2 or 3 months to bloom.
A second mon...

There were two avid sailors

who were proud of their well-kept boats (the "Tuning Fork"
and the "Robert Frost", respectively). In all ways they were evenly matched as able sailors except when it came to braiding rope. Not that the Tuning fork’s captain’s braids were deficient, but the other had a flair when it came to bra...

Woman at the doctor

Woman ask doctor: "My child refuse to eat fish. How can I adequatelly replace it?"
Doctor's answer: "With cat. Cat eats fish"

Why did Kevin Hart have such a short stay in the hospital?

He has the money to pay for adequate medical service

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I had just finished a delicious meal at my favorite restaurant.

I walked out to my car in the parking deck, but realized I had forgotten to ask the restaurant to validate my parking.

Being a cheapskate, I walked all the way back to the restaurant, just to save a few bucks. I walked up to the hostess and asked "could you please validate me?"

She re...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because America's aging infrastructure doesn't adequately provide footbridges or pedestrian underpasses.

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A husband suspects his wife is having an affair.

But he fails to gather the adequate proof necessary to blame her.
One day after coming home he sees her wife in bed, stark naked.
"So my suspicion was right! Where is that bastard?" he shouts in anger and swiftly rushes to look for him.
He doesn't find anyone but right when he was about to ...

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An ensign was spending his first few days aboard a submarine learning his duties and a litany of regulations.

His job was unusual, but simple; tend a pair of oxen in a miniature field on deck 7. The purpose of this agricultural endeavor was to see if crops might one day be grown inside a spaceship; a submarine was an adequate stand in.

He had never driven cattle before, but in short order, he got th...

It's Time for a clear, serious grammar lesson...

No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words. In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by, supposedly, the best in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5...

Intelligent Crows

When I was in school, some professors noticed that the crows on campus were astoundingly intelligent. These crows recognized that when lights were green, cars could go and when they were red, cars would stop. Using this knowledge, the crows would put nuts on the crosswalk so that during a green ligh...

Get a job

A young man in a small town graduates from high school. His father comes to him that evening and tells him “Son, you’re a man now. You need to start contributing to this household. Go get a job.”

The young man is rightfully concerned. Work prospects in his town are slim. The only jobs availab...

NASA sends a redneck and a chimpanzee to the moon.

When the rocket lands on the moon's surface, the computer screen automatically switches itself on & the chimpanzee clicks on the desktop file that contains his instructions:-

1)....Ensure that rocket has landed at the correct co-ordinates and is anchored safely.
2)....Check ALL l...

The scariest and most feared whale in the entire ocean had his son kidnapped by krill... (an original joke)

The scariest and most feared whale in the entire ocean had his son kidnapped by krill, in a guerilla act of revenge for all of the family they'd lost over the years. They snuck up one night, and in their masses, surrounded the sleeping calf, and swam away, carrying him miles away from his father. ...

A Well-Argued Court Case

The beauty of a language and the art of constructing the words of the language significantly lead to their meaning. This is not a case of twisting, but of the refined manner of presentation by witty minds. A good case for reference.

One evening, after attending the theatre, two gentlemen were...

Russian foodie joke

A guy sitting in a restaurant in Moscow orders quail. When it arrives, using two spoons he carefully opens and peers into the rear of bird and announces, "This is not a quail. It is a simple chicken: born in Saint Petersburg, age: 3 years. Please, waiter, bring me a quail!"

Each subsequent d...

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A little boy was playing in the alley behind his house

As he was going through some of the neighbors trash he found a welder's mask. He put it on and was pretending to weld as an old rickety van pulled down the alley. The man driving stopped next to the boy and rolled down his window.

"Hey Boy. I need some help with something and you look like ju...

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The Autobots had just landed on our green planet.

Optimus tells them to go look for disguises that are suitable so that they can all adequately blend into their new home. Two hours pass and the Autobots reconvene.

Mr Prime: Do you all have suitable disguises?

Company: Yes, Mr Prime.

Mr Prime: Well then, let's see it.

The...

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An original math feghoot.

There are enough people in the world now who require catheters for medical reasons for the devices to have become the targets of fetishes. At least some of these catheter fetishists are also practitioners of free love, and it's not unusual for them to get together with (relatively) large numbers of...

In the days of old the River Thames was once plagued with a giant wyrm.

The dread creature preyed upon any who used or went near the river, and many lives were lost, and eventually the call went out for a brave knight to slay the vile creature. It soon became apparent that this was no task for a common knight, but only the holiest and most dedicated - a living saint....

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The ultimate revenge ( long)

Melville was 10 years old and he loved clowns. When he heard that the circus was coming to town he did everything he could to convince his parents to take him so he could see the clowns. They eventually agreed and when the day arrived he was incredibly excited! He was on the edge of his seat with an...

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The DOD was putting together a new special forces unit...

In response to rising global tensions the Department of Defense decided a new, elite top secret unit was needed. Recruits were assembled from the special forces units of all branches.

A panel of generals, high level intelligence officers and congressmen is formed to begin interviews. The firs...

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Taser Gun

Last weekend I saw something at Costco that sparked my interest.

The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little
something extra for my wife, Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt,
pocket/purse-sized tazer. The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short...

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RE-RE-RE-REMIX - So there was this professional assassin that charged $10,000 per bullet...

*This is a parody because the original is posted almost daily*

So there was this professional assassin that charged $10,000 per bullet

A guy comes up to him in the bar one day and says, “Are you the guy who charges $10,000 a bullet?”

“Yup”

“What if you miss?”

He lo...

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