A man scuttled out to his garage and began pulling the lawn furniture out onto the driveway.

Shortly after he did the same with the lawnmower, a few gardening tools and a bicycle.

A curious neighbour wandered over and asked if he was going to have a garage sale.

“No,” replied the man. “My son just bought his first car and right now he’s getting ready for a big date.”

“S...

A woman plans to pay her sister a visit. They haven't seen one another for years, since her sister moved to New York.

"So, Rebecca- what's the best way I should find your apartment?"

"Well, Miriam it's real easy. When you leave the subway you'll see the great big tower-block, the one with the revolving glass-door to your immediate right. Give it a shove with your foot and scuttle inside while it's turning. S...

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HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN:

Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, make plans, fix, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, bathe, humor, placate, stimulate, jiffylube, stroke, console, purr, hug, coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch, toast, minister to,...

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Mr Smith's back pain.

A man (let's call him Mr Smith) goes to the doctor with terrible back pain. It's keeping him up every night and leaving him in tears during the day. The doc runs some tests and breaks the bad news,
"Well Mr Smith, we've found the source of your problem. You see, your testicles are pressing agains...

Three tough biker dudes...

...walk into a bar. They notice a skinny, bespectacled little guy sitting in the corner by himself, and decide to have some fun.

They order three beers, and one of the bikers says, "Charge these to that little runt over there in the corner." Then he calls over to the little guy, "Hey, Poind...

So there are a group of engineers and a group of mathematicians heading to a conference

They are sitting on a train together when both groups spot the train's ticket collector coming down the aisle. Quickly two of the engineers scuttle into the washroom, leaving the mathematicians confused. After the collector stamps all the mathematicians tickets he approaches the washroom and knocks....

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In honor of the papal visit, I submit the worst, longest, most tortuous pope joke I know.

It's 1969.

China and the Soviet Union are on the brink of open hostilities. The war would kill us all. And only the pope can save the day.

Well, so thinks Richard Nixon.

See, he'd been up all night watching *The Shoes of the Fisherman*, and it was such a harrowing vision that he...

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