Yuck Jokes - 32 Hilarious Yuck Jokes

8 year old son's greatest joke

My son told me this joke years ago and it still is my favourite joke. He came home from school one day and says 'Dad, I have a joke for you.' I said, oh yes, let's hear it. Very low expectations at this point. He said 'Why did the chicken cross the road?', I replied with the usual, 'I don't know son...

I was organizing my closet and decided to smell the moth balls. Yuck.

The hardest part was holding his tiny legs apart.

A wife is complaining about her husband spending all his time at the local tavern, so one night he takes her along with him.

"What'll ya have?" he asks.

"Oh, I don't know. The same as you, I suppose," she replies.

So the husband orders a couple of Jack Daniels and gulps his down in one go.

His wife watches him, then takes a sip from her glass and immediately spits it out.

"Yuck! It tastes awful...

5 Things you do not want to hear while having surgery:

1: "Ew, yuck! That's gross!

2: "No Spot, give that back! Bad dog! Bad, bad doggy!"

3: "Doctor, what are you doing here? Are you out on parole?

4: "Hey, this is great! We could use a good kidney!"

5: Can you figure out how to stop that thing from beating? It's ruining my c...

A family of moles wake up from hibernation.

They start digging up to the surface to get some air and stretch their legs. When they arrive, there’s a layer of concrete that wasn’t there before. They dig around the concrete and Papa mole pokes his head out and smells fresh pancakes.

“Oh, they must have built a pancake house up there! It ...

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Scientist walks into bar with an apple...

He sits down and the bartender says, "what's the apple for?" Scientist says "I made this apple taste like a screwdriver. Here, try it."
The bartender grabs it and takes a bite. "Woah! Tastes like vodka!"
"Turn it around," the scientist says. The bartender turns it around and takes another bite...

What would Goofy be if he let his wife fool around with other men?

A cYuck!

A man and woman were trying to find ways to spice up their love life.

One day the man came home with a box of flavored condoms. Later that evening they were in bed, and the woman went down under the covers. A moment later she popped her head back up.

"Yuck!" she said, "That one tastes like cheese!"

And the man said, "I didn't put it on yet."

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A man walks into a bar and orders a rum and coke.

A man walks into a bar and orders a rum and coke. The bartender hands him an apple. "What am I supposed to do with this?" The customer asks. "Just take a bite" says the bartender. The customer takes a bite and says "Oh wow this tastes like rum!" "Now bite the other side", said the bartender. The guy...

Three cats are hanging out one evening just shooting the breeze.

The first one says, “I really like milk.” The second one chimes in “I couldn’t agree more. There’s nothing quite like a good bowl of milk.” The third cat says, “I don’t know - I hear that water is better to drink than milk and costs less too.”

The first cat says, “OK, but I’m sure we all a...

A hungry man walks in a bar late at night

He's really starving, but he doesn't see anyone around.

After a moment inspecting the room, he sees a large bowl at the back, gets closer, that's an appetizing soup, still warm on top of that. Enough wait, he starts swallowing it

After a while eating, he notices a comb at the bottom of...

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Little Johnny was bathing with his mother

As she got out to dry off, he notices her upper torso he asks “Momma what are those?”

She replies “Johnny, those are my breasts,”

As she turns her back to him he asks “Momma what is that?”

She replies “Johnny, that is my derriere.”

As she turns to slip on her robe he s...

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Johnny is on his grandpa's farm in the rabbit enclosure

Johnny is on his grandpa's farm in the rabbit enclosure. The ground is covered in rabbit droppings. Johnny asks, "What are all of the pellets on the floor grandpa?"

His grandpa replies, "Oh those? Those are smart pills. You eat them and you get smarter."

Johnny likes the sound of that ...

I'm Hungary

Timmy: I'm Hungary,

Mum: Why don't you Czech the fridge.

Timmy: OK I'm Russian to the kitchen.

Mum: Hmmm.. may be you'll find some Turkey.

Timmy: Yeah but its all covered in Greece. yuck!

Mum: There is Norway you can eat that.

Timmy: I know, I guess I'...

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A girl from an exclusive school was asked:

Q: What's the difference between a penis and a potato?

A: Yuck!!! I don't eat potato!

What did Goofy say when he got shot in the nuts by a soccer ball?

F’yuck

What does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?

about a Buccaneer (buck-an-ear)

yuck...yuck...yuck

Al, Ben, and Carl were fishing in the middle of a lake when Al fell overboard.

Ben jumped into the lake to rescue Al. When he finally found Al, he threw the body onto the boat and Carl pulled him up.

As soon as Ben was safely in the boat, he noticed that Al wasn't breathing, so he quickly gave Al mouth-to-mouth.

"Yuck!" said Ben. "I don't remember Al having such ...

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Pigeon Droppings

An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and deposits a poopy little present on the woman's head.

"Yuck!" yells the woman. "Get some toilet paper."

"What for?" replies the man. "He must be half-a-mile away by now."

The Jumper!

So there's a older rugged looking chap walking home from the pub along the side of the road, and up ahead he see's a young, attractive lady standing on the other side of the railing on a bridge moments away from throwing herself off.

With a bit of grog in his system, he thinks to himsel...

A group of canned vegetables were sitting on a shelf

and one of them was twisting around and checking himself out.
"Hey!" He cried proudly. "I'm one hundred percent corn, nothing else!"
Some fancy new can of Brussels sprouts swiveled to look at him. "But who cares? You're just corn." He said witheringly.
"Well I'm not corn. I'm heirloom...

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Two Norwegians are walking home

Two Norwegians are walking home when one of them abruptly stops the other

1: “Stop stop, don’t step in that!”
2: “What is that? Is it poop?”

The second guy bends down and inspects it

2: “It sure looks like poop”

He the smells it

2: “It smells like poop too!” ...

How to Sell a Toothbrush

The top toothbrush salesman at the company was asked by his boss how he managed to sell so many brushes.

He replied “It’s easy” and he pulled out his card table, setting his display of brushes on top.

He told his boss, I lay the brushes out like this, and then I put out some potato chi...

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Interesting Farmers Market

A young man was driving to work when he realized he had forgotten his lunch.

As he drove frustrated with himself he came across a farmers market with and interesting sign,

“apples that taste like pussy”

Better than nothing he said.
As he bit into his first apple he was gre...

Store owner: Good morning Janet! What can i get for you?

Janet: Something for dinner, please
Store owner: I have some lovely fresh ox tongue!
Janet: Oh, no! Yuck! I couldn't eat something that comes out of an animal's mouth! I'll just have a dozen egg

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Patenting an apple.

A man walks into a patent office and sits down with an office worker and says he wants to patent an apple. The worker says "Sir, you can't patent an apple". The man says "Take a bite". The office worker takes a bite and surprised yells out "Wow! this tastes like bananas!" The man says "Yeah I know, ...

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A guy has been asking the prettiest girl in town for a date and finally she agrees to go out with him.

He takes her to a nice restaurant and buys her a fancy dinner with expensive wine.
On the way home, he pulls over to the side of the road in a secluded spot.
They start necking and he's getting pretty excited. He starts to reach under her skirt and she stops him, saying she's a virgin and ...

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Circumcision Joke

Two 10 year old boys are taking a piss - one looks over at the penis of the other and says, "Oh no! What's wrong with your penis?"
The little boy replies, "I've been circumcised"
His friend says, "You poor guy - when did that happen?"
"When I was born", came the reply
"Yuck, it looks awf...

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A man walks into a bar and asks for a

lager and lime, the barman hands him an apple.
What is this the man says?
taste it, the barman says.
The man bit into the apple and says " Wow, lager " now turn it around says the barman. " wow Lime says the man. After 5 apples the man goes home drunk.

NEXT DAY.
The man after wor...

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A man is driving down a road and sees a peach stand thats says “peaches in all flavors”

Curious by the stand’s name, he turns around to stop by. As he aproaches the stand he asks,

Man: “do you really sell peaches in all flavors”

Peach Vendor: “I sure do! What kind would you like?”

Man: “Ok well give me a peach that tastes exactly like an orange”

Peach vendor...

Bottle Number 43

A new miracle doctor comes to town, who people say could cure anything. John, the local doubting Thomas, decides to prove the doctor a fraud.
He goes to the doctor and says: "Hey, doc. I've lost my sense of taste." The doctor thinks a while, scratches his head and tells John: "What you need is ...

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Does your Dick touch your Asshole?

A small boy walks out onto a porch where his grandfather is sitting and asks "Grandpa, can I have a beer?". The grandfather looks at him and asks "Does your Dick touch your Asshole?". The boy look disgusted and said "Yuck! No, why would I want it to??" The grandpa looks down and says "When your Dick...

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