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Pooh Jokes

What do Alexander The Great and Winnie The Pooh have in common?

Same middle name.

What does Winnie the Pooh put on his hot dogs?

Honey mustard

What do you call Winnie the Pooh’s grandmother?

Poohnanny

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the time Winnie The Pooh had sex?

He looked for something sweet and got stuck inside of a different hole!

Why is Winnie the Pooh the worst hacker?

He constantly falls for honeypots

Winnie The Pooh

Winnie the Pooh doesn’t want to marry, but thoughts about Honeymoon makes him mad.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man yelled on the GreatWall of China, "Xi the pooh has a tiny penis"

He was caught by the police in a minute.

He was then notified that all of his family members are held up by the police. In the same evening, he was brought to the court.

The judge: You committed a very serious crime, you need not talk, you are now sentenced to death, so are you...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife loves Winnie the Pooh

Told her this while making dinner.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Eeyore.

Eeyore who?

Ima Eeyore ass tonight.

Winnie-the-Pooh is on a Picnic with Christopher Robin, Piglet and Eeyore. Christopher Robin says “Pooh, you haven’t touched any food yet. What gives?”

Pooh: “I’m stuffed”

Why did Winnie the Pooh call the police?

Because he saw Christopher Robbin'.

What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?

They have the same middle name.



*I know you're rolling your eyes, but c'mon—that was at least a little bit funny, right? Right?!?*

My family tree includes Winnie the Pooh, Yogi, Paddington and Baloo.

They're my forebears.

When Winnie the Pooh eats honey straight from the jar with his paw, it's cute...

But when I hang around a donkey while wearing nothing but a red t-shirt, someone calls the cops.

Winnie the Pooh will no longer be eating honey going forward.

He just couldn't bear it.

What does Xi Jinping and Winnie the Pooh have in common?

They both will do anything for ~~m~~honey.

Why did Winnie the Pooh cross the road?

Becaus- Censored in China

what do you call Winnie The Pooh's grandma?

pooh-nanny

How does Winnie the Pooh open his honey pot?

With his bear hands.




Thank the Chive for that one.

Why does Piglet smell so bad?

Because he plays with Pooh

What did Christopher Robin's mother say when she got tired of cleaning up after him

"Stop leaving Pooh lying around!"

A constipated man robs a toy store. He steals everything but one teddy bear

Because he is unable to take a pooh

Why do predators avoid the 100 Acre Wood?

They don't want to eat Pooh.

A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon were having drinks at the bar following an interfaith meeting...

The Jew, bragging on his virility, said, "I have four sons. One more and I'll have a basketball team."

The Catholic, pooh-poohed this accomplishment, stating, "That's nothing, boy. I have 10 sons, one more and I'll have a football team."

To which the Mormon replied, "You fellas ain't g...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Newlywed husband wants to go to bar

A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies .

... ...

So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."

"Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’ve often wondered when A.A. Milne was naming Winnie the Pooh, where he got the name Pooh from..

Then I thought, maybe he just pulled it out of his ass.

What do you call Winnie-the-Pooh's grandmother ?

((Pooh Nanny))

Fact: Xi Jinping once slept in a house in Iowa

After many many year later...

The husband was watching the news and saw an article about Xi Jinping.

He was very very shocked and said to his wife: 'Hey, do you remember that Chinese guy who used to be at our house?'

The wife said: 'Of course I remember, why are you asking?'
...

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