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You know how people always say words they don’t understand like “the juxtaposition of the blah blah blah”

Well my friend of mine told me his dad was getting a colonoscopy. I asked him “what the fuck is a dad?”

In the 80's we used to think in 2020 we'll have flying cars cities on other planets, blah blah blah....

But No! Here we are, teaching people how to wash hands !!!

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Prostate check

I went to see a doctor the other day about getting my prostate checked. The rude bastard told me to never come back!
Well specifically he said “this is the third time this week, and the last. I’m a fucking podiatrist” blah blah blah.

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Fucking newsreaders obsessed with Gatwick airport, blah blah

Just drone on and on

Vegans are a lot like vampires...

...always going on about their diet "blah, blah-blah"

A Construction joke,

This Guy lives in a bad neighborhood and every night, when he walks home, he grabs a couple of cobblestones in each hand, for protection from thieves and muggers....

After some time, there is a pile of cobblestones outside his home...

His Contractor neighbor notices and asks, "What's ...

A man walks into a bar...

As he walks into the bar, he notices a small man playing the piano, about a foot tall.

Fascinated by how small the man is, he goes up to the bartender and asks, "Excuse me sir, how did you find that little piano man?"

The bartender explains. "Well, one day I was walking along the beac...

My sister won’t let me hold her baby anymore...

Last time I held my sister’s baby, I dropped it. It wasn’t even a big deal, but she started freaking out. It was an accident! Just an accident, no big deal. What happened was, after I was holding the baby and I inevitably dropped it, we start arguing and she’s overreacting big time. She called the c...

So you’ve got a green beret, a Navy Seal, and a sister from Brooklyn

A general is recruiting for a team of his. The general hands each of them a gun and says your spouse is seated next door, in a room, in a chair. In order to pass this test you must go inside and kill them.

Immediately the green beret says ‘No sir, I could never kill my wife. I just can't do i...

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Two Students from Asia Came to My High School...

They were twins, a guy, Ving, and a girl, Ling. Ving is in my math class, and the dude's like a math wiz. I'm really struggling, so I ask Ving if he'd give me a hand on the homework. Ving says yeah, he just wants me to do him a favor. I'm like yeah sure what. He asks me to drive him to the city hall...

What's a pirate's favorite letter?

Not, not "Argh." Too obvious.

Not the "C" either. Everyone has heard that one.

"Without a P he's irate hahahahaha!" Blah blah blah. Nope.

Give up?

A letter of marque. It makes his profession semi legitimate, provides for a legal way to store his wealth in his homeland, an...

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First Day in the Navy

It was a young man’s first day on assignment in the Navy, and he was getting toured around the ship, his new home. His supervisor was rattling through his spiel,

“Here’s the bow, here’s the stern, mess hall, sleeping quarters, blah blah blah”,

The young guy says,

“great great,...

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