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Ewww Jokes

Its pronounced Ewww

I hate to Brexit to you.

A Mother, her daughter, and a bowl of olives...

The mother takes an olive, puts it in her mouth, goes, "mmmmm...", the daughter tries one for the first time, goes "ewww...", mother eats another, again, goes "mmmm...", her daughter tries yet another, then begins to cry. Her mother asks, "why are you crying", her daughter says "you're getting all t...

My 5 year old farted last night, and I said “ewww, you farted!”

He said “it was the asphalt, Dad”!

True story.

Tomato cake

A boy started going to a cake store everyday and asks the baker:


“Do you have tomato cake?”


“That’s an odd choice of cake, no we don’t”


“Ok”. Replies the boy in disappointment.

Every day this happens.

One day the baker felt sorry for the boy, got creat...

Let me explain

A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon.

They opened the champagne and began undressing.

When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked,

\- "Ewww - what's wrong with your feet? Your toes look...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I took this woman home from the bar and we were about to have sex...

So I pulled out a Lifestyles condom, and she said, "Ewww, where did you get that thing?"

I said, "I got it for free, they were handing them out at the bar."

She said, "Ewww, that's gross."

I said, "Well, that's where I got you!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was walking down the street and comes across something on the ground that looked suspicious

Curious, he bends over, grabs some with his finger, and licks it

" Ewww, that was dogshit..

Thank god I didn't step on it"

My friend doesn’t like measuring me

her: you look thin - how much do you weigh right now?

me: *goes to scale* 144lbs why?

her: ewww gross

What is an Eiffel Tower?

A threesome with two guys and a girl, where one guy is hitting it from behind, and the other guy is getting a head. The guys are high-fiving over the girl!

Girl: Ewww - get your hands away!!

Me: But then its just a London Bridge!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fly and his fly buddy come across fresh poop...

They land and start eating, when one fly suddenly stops and says:
“Ewww there’s a hair in it”.

Sneezing girl

I was in my 4th grade glass sitting next to this girl, all of a sudden she produces a loud sneeze.

**ACHOOOOOO**

The whole class was silent, the teacher quietly asked if she needed a tissue

My friend notices a gooey substance dripping from her hand.

*Friend:* **Ewww are t...

Why does church stink?

Because of the "PEEE-EWWWS!"

A father and young son are out for a walk...

About a block from their house, the pair spot a pair of stray dogs humping furiously in an empty lot.

"Ewww! Daddy, what are they doing?!?!"

"Um...well, Son. They're making puppies...."

The boy watched the dogs as they passed by, totally confused by what he was seeing.

La...

A Boy and his Father were out on a walk...

On their walk the two encountered a pair of doggies in an act of doggie passion in the middle of one of the neighbors lawns.
"Ewww...WHAT are they doing, Daddy?!?"
"Well son, um, I guess you could say that they are making puppies."
The father grabbed the boy's hand, and they continued...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy asks his girlfriend over for dinner to meet his parents.

He tells her he will pick her up at 6 and his parents are seeing a show afterwards, so they will have the house all to themselves. She’s nervous, but also excited, so goes shopping to pick out some lingerie for their big night.

She and the chatty assistant just click and get to talking about...

2 guys walk into a delicatessen

A waiter comes up and asks the two friends "what can I get you?" The first guy says "well, what are your specials today?"To which the waiter replies "today, sir, we have a tongue sandwich. Yes, the tongue sandwich is our special today." Sitting quietly for a moment the man replies "...you know I thi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An unhappily married man goes to a pet store looking for some companionship.

The store owner says, "You should buy this toothless hamster."
The man says, "I don't think so. It looks gross."
The store owner says, "Ya, but it gives great head."
So the man takes the hamster home, and when he gets there his wife says, "Ewww, what is that ugly thing?"
He says, "Don't ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Another bar joke

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and orders a gin and tonic.


The bartender reaches under the counter and pulls out an apple and hands it to him.


The guy takes the apple and asks, "What's this, I asked for a gin and tonic".


The bartender replies, "take a bite, you w...

An Asian guy walks past a bar with a strange sign.

The sign reads: "We double-charge for all drinks. If you leave without finishing your drink the remaining money will be credited to the first person who asks for them instead of being returned to you. Please ensure you order just enough!"


He sits down next to an Asian girl. She turns...

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