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Wtf Jokes

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Whats good on pizza but not on pussy?

crust.





edit: yall keep making better jokes in the comments LMAO

possible answers : red sauce, white sauce, yeast, cheese, senior discount (wtf), crabs, hot sauce, mushrooms. damn yall are just funnier than me lol

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A Chinese guy and a Jewish guy are drinking at the bar...

The Jewish guy turns to the Chinese guy and says, "Fu*k you and your people, for bombing Pearl Harbor!"

The Chinese guy is like, "WTF?! That wasn't us. That was the Japanese!"

The Jewish guy: "Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese... you're all the same."

After a few minutes and another...

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What's a vagina's favorite music genre?

Cuntry

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Pizza guy: your total is $26.34

Me: I can't afford that

Pizza guy: well you're gonna have to pay some other way, then

Me: \[takes out wallet\] wait I forgot I had 30 bucks

Porn director: Cut, WTF?

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The Canadian

A Canadian a Russian and a French guys are all armed with pistols and sitting around a camp fire.
The Russian pulls out a full bottle of Vodka, opens it and drinks about a quarter of it. He then throws it up into the air, draws his gun and shoot it.

The Canadian yells WTF?

The Russ...

So i asked a ouija board for the name of my future wife

Wtf kinda name is hahaha

Dentist always dumb questions like “when’s the last time you flossed?”

Like bro you were there wtf

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Why do the Hong Kong police like to show up to work early?

They like to beat the crowds.

Edit: WTF is wrong with you people?
I know dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old but, 2 shiny bottle caps?? NO!! Send that money to the protesters, or groups helping them, in Hong Kong.

Edit 2:
Add edit to first comment.
Also he...

Why do Indians hate snow?

Because it's white and settles on their land.

Edit: well now I know what people mean by rip inbox.

Edit2: wtf happened to my headline, why is it Donald trump?

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A taxi driver, new on the job, picks up his first customer.

The driver then started to head to the location designated by the passenger. A few minutes had passed and the whole trip had been quiet ever since. The radio wasn't even turned on.

The passenger is very interpersonal so he started to strike a conversation to break the silence.

"Hey, ma...

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The man’s wife left him

Upset, he went for a drive and suddenly ran over a cop and crushed him to death.
Not knowing what else to do, he threw the cop in the trunk and drove to the cemetery.
When he got there, he came across a drunken watchman.
"Listen, if you bury this body with no questions asked, I'l...

My ex just donated her eggs and got $3,000! WTF?

I donated sperm and all I got was a weird look from the Salvation Army Santa.

A student fell asleep in class so the teacher kicked him. "WTF!" the student screamed.

"You have been kicked due to inactivity."

What did the redditor say after robbing a jewellery store?

Edit:OMG thanks for the silver

Edit 2:WTF OMG thanks for the gold

EDIT 3:OMFG THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE PLATINUM

A father takes his son to the casino.

A father takes his son to the casino and they lose $1,000 in one hour.
Dad tells his disappointed son “don’t worry son we’ll come back tomorrow and do better”
The next day they come back to the casino and the dad grabs $1,000 and throws it in the garbage and heads for the exit.
The son asks...

2020 started with a WTF

(Wednesday, Thursday, Friday)

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I recently fucked my best friend after my girlfriend dumped me.

I don’t know wtf I was doing fucking a guy but I obviously wasn’t thinking straight

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I was driving past a prison the other day...

Looking out my window, I glanced up and saw a dwarf scaling down a very tall fence. It was obvious he was breaking out of the prison. I looked up at him and he looked down at me with an angry stare like “wtf the fuck are you looking at?”

I drove away and thought to myself that was a little co...

A man walks into a bar and asks for a vodka and orange juice...

The bartender says, Sure thing, turns around and mixes his drink, and sets a human skull shaped into a mug in front of him.

The man says, WTF! I just wanted vodka and orange juice!

The bartender says, Yeah, that's a Philips head screwdriver.

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An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained. "W...

Her: WTF you only lasted like 2 minutes.

Him: Yes, but it was doggy style so that's like 14 minutes.

(Robber who stabbed me 23 times): "WTF, how aren't you dead?"

Me: Bro we're in the living room.

a man walks into a bar....

a man walks into a bar, puts an iguana and a frog on the bar and orders a pint.

the barman spots this and says "oi, wtf are you doing bringing them in here?!?"

the man takes a sip of his pint and says to the barman "i bet you 100ÂŁ i can make the frog sing".

the barman says "ok, ...

I was sitting at a bar last night

And this Asian looking fella sits down next to me and takes a sip of beer.

I glance over at him and ask if he knows any of those martial arts like Kung fu, or Karate or Ju Jitsu. He says no, WTF man!? Are you asking because I’m Chinese?

I said no, it’s because you’re drinking my beer.

Wtf just opened a Christmas card and rice fell out

Must be from my uncle Ben

New Daily Joke WTF??

I recently found this sub reddit and thought it would be a great place to come and find some funny jokes( yep no joke). I noticed however that most of the front page is this newdailyjoke.com website and 9/10 of them are god awful. Does anyone else feel this way or is it just me? How have so many of ...

[OC] I went shopping with my wife yesterday....

She looked at lipsticks for over 30 minutes but she didn't buy any

She tried 20 kinds of perfumes but none of them were good enough

She tested 10 different kinds of mascaras but she didn't like any of them

She read the labels of all the blushes just to finally walk out empty han...

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WTF? Anal bleaching

Normally I'd be against such a thing, but some assholes just need to lighten up.

My girlfriend left a note on the fridge, saying “this isn’t working anymore”

I open the fridge and it’s working fine WTF

I can't believe people don't eat the crust like wtf it's part of the food, it's fantastic!

Even if it doesn't taste the same as the rest of the watermelon

So I said to this witch: "WTF were you and that lion doing in my wardrobe?"

She said "Narnia business."

I was loudly advertising my Hawaiian finger-food stand in a public place and everybody started running away - wtf...

"Aloha Snackbar!" "Aloha Snackbar!"

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superman is flying along....

When he spots wonderwoman through a window in a hotel, she's on the bed stark naked and looks to be having the time of her life...

He thinks to himself.. "I could fly in at the speed of light, give her a quick one and fly out again before she even knew what happened!"

So with a sly gri...

Crosspost from /r/WTF, seen on a menu

Please disregard if you saw this in /r/wtf.

http://i.imgur.com/1oqlvz3.jpg

[Original post](http://www.reddit.com/r/WTF/comments/1wtukn/this_is_printed_in_an_english_menu_at_a_mexican/)

Transcribed:

Why do Mexican kids walk around school like they own the place? Because t...

I'm tired of people dissin Arabs like wtf they don't all make bombs.....

They make slurpees too.

So Bill Gates walks into an Apple store and farts the hell out of life. Everyone looks at him and says dude wtf it stinks.

Bill Gates b like "well its not my problem ya'll dont have windows in here"

In the future, wars are fought on a budget

The world economy ensures there are no weapons at all. A man signs up for his country’s army. He gets to training camp. The sergeant hands him a piece of wood shaped like a rifle, with a rubber bayonet on the end.

‘Right, men! This is the new war tactics. You point your rifle at the enemy a...

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Taxi driver, fresh on the scene, picks up his first passenger

The driver started to head to the location requested by the passenger. 10 whole minutes had passed with complete silence. The radio wasn't even turned on. A fitting comedown from the hectic workday the passenger had.

He then notices a Denver Broncos bobble head toy on the drivers dashboard, ...

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$10 dollar prostitute

This guys hooks with a $10 prostitute and the next day he starts getting itchy and realizes the hooker gave him an STD....anyway a couple days later he sees her on the corner and yells "BITCH YOU GAVE ME CRABS!..she yells back "WTF WERE YOU EXPECTING FOR TEN DOLLARS? A LOBSTER?"

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A Muslim and a Christian get into a fight.

Christian: ever seen a cross? I’m gonna shove one up your ass.
Muslim: oh yeah?? Shove the five daily prayers up your ass.
Christian: WTF are the five daily prayers?
Muslim: they’re a pillar of Islam.

(hope it translates well, It’s more hilarious in Farsi)

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