Ba BOK bok

Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?

A: To get to the other slide

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German air traffic controllers

The German air traffic controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that a Pan Am 747 listened to the following exchange betwee...

My friend shouted, “You have a BA, a Masters and a Ph.D., but you still act like an idiot!”

It was a third degree burn…

What do you call an all male identifying, church choir?

The He/Hymns

Ba dump

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

In the mirror.

Ba dum tss... >:-D!

What do you get when you toss two drums and a cymbal over a cliff?


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A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband..

She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

" Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.. You're crazy to go to Rome .. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking BA," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"BA?" exclaimed the hairdresser.....

I don't know why so many people thought Cats was a bad movie.

They played it on my flight home and there were only two walkouts.

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What's the difference between a rimshot and a rimjob?

One goes *ba dum tiss*, the other is da bum kiss.

Did you hear the one about Bach running out of money?

He was Ba-roke.

Why don't scientists trust atoms?

Because they make up everything.

\*Ba dum tssss\*

What’s the driver say after he felt a “bump, ba-bump” under his car?

When did they put speed bumps in the park?

I used to play the triangle in a reggae band

Had to leave cause it was one ting after another

The Beach Boys walk into a bar. "Round?" "Round?" "Get a round" "I get a round?" "Get a round..."

"Get out of here now!!" shouted the ba ba ba ba ba bartender.

A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff


What do you call a monkey in a mine field?


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An Armenian survived a plane crash in Africa

But it seemed that fate held a grudge against him: he was captured by cannibals and was taken to be served as dinner that same night. When fire got ready, the cannibals brought the poor Armenian to the public eating place, feet and hands tied to the big single barbeque rod, ready to be roasted for g...

Musicians! How do you make one million dollars playing jazz?

You start with two mil. Ba-dum-tss!

What did the 44th President of the United States say when he felt lonely?


It's $2.50 for a pie in Jamaica, and $2.00 for a pie in the Bahamas....

The pie rates of the Caribbean.

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I saw a sign that made me shit my pants

It said "bathroom closed".

I hear...

they are having a ba'al at CPAC.

Warning: Scat

Ba-da-ba-da-ba-be bop bop bodda bope
Bop ba bodda bope
Be bop ba bodda bope
Bop ba bodda
Ba-da-ba-da-ba-be bop ba bodda bope

What is Beethoven’s favourite fruit?

Ba na na na

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How does a casual-catholic scientist collectively refer to Christmas and Easter church services?

Critical Mass.


What food does a stoner serve his guests at a party?

Pot Roast. Ba dum dum

What happened to the man who stole an advent calendar?

He got 25 days

(ba dum tsssss)

Why did the picture go to prison?

It was framed. (Ba dum tsss)

Can February March?

No, but April May!


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Bank robber pulls out gun, points it at the teller

Robber: "Give me all your money or you are GEOGRAPHY!"
Cashier (puzzled): "Did you mean to say "or you're HISTORY?"
Robber: "Don't change the subject."

(AoT joke) What happened to the Survey Corps after Zeke's attack?

They became Survey Corpses.

Ba Dum Tss

Why is 'dark' spelled with a k and not c?

Because you can't see in the dark.


A redditor meets a girl...


What do you call a murderous metre?

A killometre!

(Cheesy ba-dum-tish sound effect plays)

My girlfriend is in a band

My girlfriend is in a band, and for our anniversary I bought her a new drum kit.

It was a cymbal of my love.

I hope this is an original joke.

A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma...

6 months later she awakes and asks the doctor about her baby.

Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine. Luckily, your brother named them for you.

Woman: Oh no, not my brother! He’s an idiot! What did he name the girl?

Doctor: Denise.

Woman: Well th...

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JOSEPH: what a night!

MARY: truly magical, and the baby's perfect.

JOSEPH: mhm.


JOSEPH: is... is it me though or was that kid with the drums—

MARY: so SUPER fucking weird right?

A frog walks into a bank...

So, one day a frog walked into a bank. He hopped on over to a teller and quickly eyed her name tag: Patricia Waak.

Frog: Good morning, Miss Waak. Such a lovely day outside, isn't it?

*teller just stares at him, because, well, he's a FROG.*

Teller: Uh, yes. Yes it is. How can I h...

Old blonde joke.

A husband comes home to find his beautiful blonde wife sitting at the kitchen table in tears.
‟What’s wrong, dear?” He asks
Through her tears she says, ‟wll, I've been trying to put this puzzle together all day and I just can not seem to figure it out! It is supposed to be a tiger.”
He l...

While driving my car, I accidentally ran over a kid carrying a cymbal...

Ba dum, Tsss.

“Have you heard of Murphy’s law?” “No, what is it?” “If something can go wrong, it will go wrong.” “Right, have you heard of Cole’s law?” “No, what is it?”

“Thinly sliced cabbage.”

i banged a midwife once..

and i must say she delivered dum tisss

Why didn't the chicken to cross the road?

He chickened out.

(*Ba Dum Tss*)

Not many people can brag about getting a handjob from the barber after a haircut

but then again not many people cut their own hair.

Ba dum tiss.

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A boss said to his secretary

A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you and I’ll make it very fast. I’ll throw $1,000 dollars on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up I’ll be done."

She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend to ask for advice. The boyfriend says, "Ask him for $...

I just saw a cashier scan the eyes

of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.

?What is Beethoven's favourite fruit?


What is the sheep's favourite musucian?


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A truck driver gets really screwed over by his lawyer during his divorce.

He becomes so sour about it that every time he sees a lawyer on the street while driving his truck, he screams "LAWYER!" and swerves onto the sidewalk to run him over.

One day he's driving and he sees a nun with her thumb out asking for a ride, so he pulls over and lets her in.


Original joke. Hey! I tried.

I got this friend, he and I can't agree on anything. It's a constant battle.
We go on a trip together every year and this year, after much debate, we decided to take a trip to Las Vegas.
So, we're enjoying our first night in Vegas, we're both a little drunk and my buddy says, "Hey, let's get ...

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If you're bi and you're single..

If you're bi and you're single, you're not bisexual

You're bi-yourself


What did the baby corn say to mom corn?

"Where's popcorn?"

Why did the blind man fall into the well?

Because he couldn't see that well.

\*Ba dum tsss\*

What do you call a monkey that stepped on a minefield?

A Ba-boom

A band's drummer decides to quit

So the band has to audition for new drummers. They interview a bunch of people, and they decide to play a gig with the best one that night to see if he'll work out.

It goes great, except after every song, the new drummer says something like "You gotta brush your teeth or else you'll get g...

I knew communism was bad.

There were too many red flags.

Was told this on my wedding day 16 years ago by my 8 year old nephew...

A grasshopper walks into a bar and tells the bartender this is his first time at a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender hands him a bottle and says “Hey, did you know we have a drink named after you?” The grasshopper shakes his head in amazement and says “What?!? i didnt know you had a drink named...

Why should every band have a manager?

Because managers can offer sound advice.

What's Beethoven's favorite fruit?

The ba\-na\-na\-naaaa.

So a clumsy comedian walks into a music shop...


What do asian cannibals eat?


Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?

Because when he asked them who the greatest composer was all they would say is "mmmmmm... Bach Bach Bach"!

I was listening to some music with my friend and he told me "you should turn the bass down on your speaker".

It was sound advice.

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Interviewer: "In your CV, you wrote that you can perform under pressure. Can you give an example?"

Interviewee: "Sure. Mmm num ba de, dum bum ba be, doo buh dum ba beh beh, pressure pushing down on me..."

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A woman walks into a library and asked if they had any books about paranoia.

The librarian whispers : "They're right behind you!!".

*Ba Dum.. tits*

What do you call a politician that doesn't manipulate?


Ba-da tss!

What does Yoda do for fun?

Anything that makes the Dagobah.

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