Wedged Jokes - 16 Hilarious Wedged Jokes

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I wedged a philosophy book between my cheeks

Now I have a wisecrack in any situation

A pastor was on his way home from an oil change. On the way, he decided to stop at a church member's house.

After ringing the doorbell the pastor was sure that he saw movement inside the house. He rung the doorbell again, and the pastor noticed someone moving quickly from one room to another. The pastor whipped out a "Several Steps to Becoming a Christian" pamphlet, and quickly scrawled on it 'Revelation ...

I'm a chameleon. Somehow wedged myself between a brick and a tree trunk.

Brown to the left of me. Ochre to the right. Here I am stuck in a middle-ish hue.

I opened a fresh loaf of bread and found a baseball card wedged between two slices.

It was a Catcher in the Rye.

An Irishman, an Englishman, and an Welshman were walking along the beach when they came across an old lamp wedged in the sand.

They picked it up, gave it a little rub, and a genie appeared.
“I usually give three wishes,” proclaimed the genie, “but as there are three of you, I will give you one wish each.”
The Irishman paused for a second then said, “I wish there was no more racist stereotypes in the world.”
“Grant...

I told you I was broke

A little lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning" said the young man. "If I can take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high power vacuum cleaner"

"G...

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Two girls are walking home after a night out…

Both of them are busting to go to the toilet so they decide to go in the cemetery. One wipes with her then throws them away, the other wipes with a wreath of flowers off one of the graves.
The next day their husbands are talking at work….
"I'm gonna have to start keeping an e...

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A man wakes up in hospital covered in bruises with a golf club wrapped round his neck.

The nurse asks him what happened. 'well, I was teaching my wife to play golf when her ball flew into a field of cows, we went looking for it, and I found it wedged perfectly between a cows cheeks. I pointed at it and said hey, this one looks like yours!!!'.

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A man shows up to work with two black eyes.

His boss noticing the pair of matching black eyes decides to pull him aside and ask him what happened.

"Jesus Dave, how did that happen?"

"Well Bill... There was a woman standing in line at the grocery store with her sundress wedged in her crack. So I pulled it out and she blacked ...

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A man walks into a bar

The bartender looks at him and says "Jim! You have two black eyes!"

"Yup," says Jim.

"What happened?" asked the bartender.

"Well, you see I was at the church picnic. I was in line behind Mrs. Dunmore, and I happened to see that her skirt was wedged up into her buttcrack. Being ...

Tea Break

Paddy was driving his lorry (truck) when he saw a bridge with a sign saying “10 foot max. headroom.” He slowed down wondering if he could drive under it or not , ‘A Shure an’ Begorrah, I’ll give it a go,’ he thought only to find that his lorry got wedged tight underneath it. …
…
Paddy ...

It's been a long hard winter for Mr. And Mrs. Mole...

It's been cold and dark and, well, dank, down in their molehill. Baby Mole is too young to remember the warm days of spring.
One fine morning in March a breeze from above wafts through the burrow. "Do you smell that?" cries Mr. Mole as he scurries up the narrow tunnel to the entrance to the bur...

There Once Lived A Family of Moles on a Hill.

On morning Papa Mole woke up and walked to the entrance of the burrow. He was greeted with the most beautiful morning he had ever seen. The sunrise shone brightly and scents of spring wafted through the air.

"This is amazing!" Papa exclaimed "Ma! Come and see this! The morning's beautiful an...

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A man comes home from the bar with a black eye.

Seeing her husband's injury, his wife asks, "what happened to you?"

"I was hit by a woman at the bar." Seeing his wife's face start to turn angry, he quickly adds, "I was just being polite. I was sitting there, quietly enjoying my drink, when I noticed the young lady sitting next to me had he...

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How to feed a cat a pill

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
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A guy and his family are on safari...

And they're traveling across Africa. they see the Giraffes, in all their majestic awkwardness, and they see the lions, with their intimidating beauty. The family then comes upon a herd of Elephants, and the child notices that one of the baby elephants is standing with his paw in the air, like he's i...

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